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Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve Paperback – April 12, 1996


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; Reprint edition (April 12, 1996)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060674318
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060674311
  • Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.3 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #534,690 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Lewis B. Smedes ... sets us free to understand thatforgiveness can be not only a possibility but a reality." -- -- Dr. Robert H. Schuller

"Will give help as well as comfort to those who read it." -- -- Madeleine L'Engle, author of Certain Women

About the Author

Lewis B. Smedes (1921-2002) was a renowned author, ethicist, and theologian. He was a professor of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California, for twenty-five years. He is the award-winning author of fifteen books, including Forgive and Forget.


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Customer Reviews

I read it, and my entire outlook on life changed.
Nancy Kelley
I learned a lot about the power of forgiveness as well as and if we can speaking directly to those we hurt and those who have hurt us.
David Devine
I have bought multiple copies of this book over the years, giving it to friends in pain and reading and re-reading it myself.
Judy Bondurant

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

68 of 68 people found the following review helpful By Linda Jones on May 27, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
I've struggled with some very painful issues in my life, and read several other books on forgiveness, but they left me feeling like I could never do what they suggested, and did nothing to help me to heal from the painful things that others have done to me. With this book I found that many of the things I'd already gone through were a part of forgiveness, and made forgiving someone within my grasp. I learned that it wasn't necessary to forget about the painful experiences in order to forgive, or to condone the action of the perpetrator in order to be able to forgive them. I didn't need to excuse their behavior by putting myself in their shoes to try to understand why their behavior had an excuse. I borrowed this book from a friend, but after reading it, I decided it was too good of a book to not have a copy of my own.
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75 of 77 people found the following review helpful By Nancy Kelley on February 26, 2000
Format: Mass Market Paperback
My father used the parable at the beginning of this book as a sermon illustration while I was home over Christmas break. Three weeks later, I was struggling with some personal issues and remembered this book. I read it, and my entire outlook on life changed. I realized that what the angel says is right. "You cannot change the past, you can only heal the hurt that comes to you from the past. And you can only heal it with the vision of the magic eyes." In reading this book, I learned what it means to look at someone with eyes of love. It means that you see them as who they are, with no exclusions. They are people who hurt you, but they may also be people who have been hurt themselves, or who are weak in some area. You learn to see this and forgive them the hurt they dealt you. This is what love is.
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59 of 61 people found the following review helpful By Erin Esposito on May 3, 2003
Format: Paperback
Throughout my life I've been betrayed by individuals - more times than I like to remember. And for so long, I've held grudges or feelings of being vindictive to those who hurt me. But after reading this fabulous and resourceful book, I have begun to trek down the road towards forgiving those who hurt me.
Life is too short to let anger fester inside of us. There's so much to enjoy in life and we shouldn't let our pasts constantly haunt us. This book provides excellent points and processes one can utilize in order to relieve themselves of such negative feelings and begin the process of healing. I particularly appreciated the author's writing style - that of adding stories and examples to model the processes.
For those who struggle to find it in their hearts to forgive others who have hurt them, this is, by far, the book to read!
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35 of 36 people found the following review helpful By V. VanCamp on February 5, 2002
Format: Mass Market Paperback
"Forgive and Forget" covers forgiveness for deep devistating hurts through to minor slights. This book is profound and poignant. It helps you understand what forgiveness really means and how to know when you have started to forgive.
"The only way to heal the pain that will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiving stops the reruns of pain. Forgiving heals your memory as you change your memory's vision."
"A major ingredient in free forgiving is respect for the person being forgiven."
Mr. Smedes includes in his book:
- The four stages of forgiving
- Forgiving people who are hard to forgive
- How people forgive
- Why forgive?
This book answered many of my questions on forgiveness, though not all of them. It is a superb book, worth reading more than once. I recommend it!
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 10, 1998
Format: Mass Market Paperback
Forgive and Forget sounds like wisdom handed down from parents or grandparents. Lewis Smedes gently leads us through the WORK of forgiveness to the realization that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. This book changed my life and I am grateful.
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 17, 1997
Format: Paperback
We have all been wounded by those we love at some time. We all know the pain of disappointment, injustice, betrayal. In the midst of our pain we cannot fully understand the nature of our feelings of loss, anger or even hatred. Nor are we capable of fathoming the nature of the process by which our most intimate bonds to those we love are sometimes destroyed.
Lewis B. Smede's book is more than a mere intellectual journey into the psychology of our hurts. It is a thoughtful and insightful study of the only true medicine for our deepest wounds: Forgiveness. It appeals not only to the mind but also to the spirit. It is a wonderful companion for anyone who is suffering the loss of a cherished relationship, unable to reconcile the injustice or futility of such loss. And for those fortunate few who do not have a grieving heart, it will offer challenging insights into our most intimate emotions. This is a book whose audience is humanity as well as the reader.
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25 of 27 people found the following review helpful By D. R Hayes on October 20, 2004
Format: Paperback
This may turn people off because it talks about Christianity, but to me the author who is a Christian couldn't have illustrated it more perfectly than with talking about Christ. Christ provided the ultimate role model for forgiving others. When he died on that cross some 2,000 years ago he not only paid the penalty for our sins, but illustrated forgiveness on the cross while he was up there by asking God to forgive the ones who wanted him up there. I honestly don't feel that any of us could begin to start to learn about forgiveness without looking to Jesus Christ. I know I couldn't I tried for what seemed like an eternity to forgive those who hurt me as far back as 30 years ago, but it was a struggle to as I still wanted to see them suffer, and go to hell for what they did to me, and this was still after I accepted Christ. Let's face it if you've been able to forgive someone, and not think, or speak ill of them afterwards without Christ I want to meet you because somewhere through the stoic secular rhetoric I was told I missed something. Forgiveness is something that is not really held in high regard in the world as people are told to just let go, and move on, but how many people must we meet before we find the ones who meet up to our standards, and we know in our knower that they won't hurt us. I know some out there feel that "Well our families are all we need", but are we strong in ourselves that to prove we don't need Christ to forgive, and can overlook small and big disappointments our families can and will put us through. I'm a recovering unforgiver, and I've been unforgiving for over 30 years. Since reading this book I've forgiven 7 people who have hurt me, and others I'm chiseling around the edges.Read more ›
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