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Forgive for Good Paperback – January 21, 2003


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; Reprint edition (January 21, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 9780062517210
  • ISBN-13: 978-0062517210
  • ASIN: 006251721X
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (127 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #18,716 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, insists Fred Luskin in Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, nor does it mean condoning bad behavior. What it does mean is that you "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Luskin, a practicing psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

To forgive may be divine, according to Alexander Pope, but it is hardly easy. How do you forgive a hit-and-run driver, a boss who makes life unbearable, or a cheating spouse? Luskin says not only can you forgive such people but that for your own good mental and physical health, you must. The author is careful to make the distinction between forgiveness and condoning actions, forgetting them, or reconciling with the offender, all or some of which may not be possible. He says that over time we build up "grievances" against others on which we obsess and that make it impossible to get on with our lives. It is only through forgiveness that we can let go of the grievance, stop playing the role of victim, and move on. Through case studies, he indicates how we build up grievances and how they can block our happiness. He then describes the HEAL method of forgiveness, which stands for Hope, Educate, Affirm, and Long-term. Good practical advice for a very difficult task. Marlene Chamberlain
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Fred Luskin, Ph.D. is the author of Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love and one of the world's leading researchers and teachers on the subject of forgiveness. He is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, a series of research projects that investigate his forgiveness methods. He holds an appointment as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford and is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He lives in Palo Alto, California.

Customer Reviews

Fred Luskin tells us that forgiving is good for us.
Nancy von Oeyen
And, believe it or not, any other truthful book about forgiveness, as well as your psychoanalyst, actually says the same thing - eventually.
Lara Everest
It is written in very clear language and easy to understand.
Jude Patch Guglielmino

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

281 of 288 people found the following review helpful By Lara Everest on June 27, 2003
Format: Paperback
I bought three books on forgiveness and returned the other two.
The people I needed to forgive ranged from my father for demanding to know why I "didn't get an A+" on a math exam for which I had ONLY received an A, as well as for not protecting me from the prying eyes of my younger brother as I was maturing into a woman, to the murderer of my roommate as well as his defense attorney the latter worked real hard at (and basically succeeded in) rattling my cage by showing me gruesome crime scene and autopsy photos of my beaten and strangled friend while I testified at the trial.
I can and will explain my reasons for keeping this book and returning the others in two ways.
THE TOUCHY-FEELY REASON
While reading this book (Forgive For Good) I felt understood, hopeful, calm, and, most important, forgiving, whereas when reading the other two books I quickly became bored and frustrated and had to work hard just to get through them.
THE RATIONAL REASONS
a.
Forgive For Good, contrary to what some other customer reviewers have said, accepted right on page one that I had something to forgive and it immediately granted me "personal power" on a silver platter so I could proceed with the forgiving. Conversely, the other books were similar to most psychological self-help books I've read that focus the vast majority of their pages to figuring out whether or not I had really been a victim and just who was to blame for my problems and emphasised the probability that I would need outside help for years to do so.
The first "step" in all three books is having someone validate our pain.
Read more ›
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54 of 56 people found the following review helpful By Sonora on February 5, 2002
Format: Hardcover
This is the one book that changed my life. Good literature for the soul. Especially good for people who are coping with depression, excessive stress, or panic attacks. Easy read, simple logic, no ambiguity; this writing is clear and the instructions on forgiving are concrete. Unlike most self help books this one is not abstract and these are tools you can start using now and they stay with you.
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37 of 38 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on March 10, 2002
Format: Hardcover
I found this book accidentally, while I was searching for something else. I'm extremely glad that I read it, though, because I really needed to let go of grievances that have been ruining my life. The book provides logical, well-supported arguments for why and how you should forgive people and institutions that have caused you pain.
My one criticism of this book is that it's too long-winded. A good editor could cut this book down to half its length without losing any substantial content. Less is more.
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 29, 2004
Format: Paperback
Loved it!! One of the best book I have read on forgiveness. I like how he defines rules as being enforceable verses unenforceable. Has made me look at all the unenforceable rules I have place on my life and the anger that has built up in me because of these rules.It is going to be permanent book on my bookself. Lots of life lesson I can teach my family.
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Kathleen Hawk on November 18, 2006
Format: Paperback
I took Fred Luskin's forgiveness training class online, and read this book. I am simply astonished at how well his methods work, and how quickly.

I was coming out of a long depression, and two and half years of deep therapy for incest, and a whole lifetime of terrible relationships. Most of the work in analysis was done, but I had huge feelings that I couldn't put to rest. Anger. Grief. Fear about about the future.

Fred's methodology is very practical and sensible. It's easy to learn, and easy to do. It's a discipline, so you have to exercise it. But what I found was that, when I had these bad feelings and I went through the discipline, I could not only manage the feelings, but also gain insight and peace of mind.

This is exactly what I'd hoped for, because I knew that all these negative emotions were keeping me from moving on with my life. I highly recommend the book and the online course.
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42 of 48 people found the following review helpful By B. Gallegos on January 11, 2008
Format: Paperback
First of all I have to admit I have not finished the book. I lost interest after reading 2/3 of it.

The first part of the book explains what a grievance story is and how keeping it alive is detrimental to one's health and well being. Ok, I buy that and it all makes sense - that's why I picked up the book. I liked how he explains that forgiveness doesn't condone or justify what the offender did to hurt you. The idea that a victim can emotionally disconnect themselves from an injury inflicted on them is intriguing. I wanted to know how to do this so I kept reading.

The problem is that Dr. Luskin only kept repeating the benefits of forgiveness and how his HOPE studies with Irish families who lost family members to murder were so successful. The data he uses to prove the success are surveys completed by the victims, (not medical data) so the evaluation of the success of his studies is quite subjective. I was getting bored with the same message repeating itself so I read ahead in the book. That's where I really lost interest in this one.

From what I gathered in the segments I read, Dr. Luskin is proposing a combination of breathing exercises and positive thinking as a cure for an injury inflicted on a person. While I don't want to suggest that there are not big benefits to breathing exercise or positive thinking, I think there is more to forgiveness than that! It seems to me that most people who need to forgive are looking for their pain to be validated somehow and then they can release it. It's like lancing a boil. Sincere apologies are the best validation but when that is not possible or likely, how does one get the feeling of validation so the pain can diminsh? I guess I'll just have to look elsewhere for the answer.
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