Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness [Hardcover]

Frederic Luskin (Author), Fred Luskin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 24, 2001

Results from Dr. Fred Luskin's Stanford University Forgiveness Project, one of the largest and most important studies on forgiveness ever conducted, show that learning how to forgive improves our emotional and physical well-being. Holding onto resentment or hurt disrupts our personal and professional lives, leads to bad decision-making, and releases stress chemicals that can have a negative effect on our health. Yet all too many of us clutch our grievances and give away our power by remaining victims of the people who have hurt us.

By teaching us how to forgive, this book enables us to move beyond being a victim to a life of improved health and contentment. Based on scientific research, this groundbreaking study from the frontiers of psychology and medicine offers startling new insight into the healing powers of forgiveness. Through vivid examples (including his work with victims from both sides of Northern Ireland's civil war), Dr. Fred Luskin offers a proven nine-step forgiveness method. Participants in Stanford University's Forgiveness Project experienced:

Decrease in feelings of hurt

Reduction in the physical symptoms of stress, including backache, muscle aches, dizziness, and upset stomach

Increase in optimism

Reduction in long-term experience of angera significant risk factor for cardiovascular disease

Forgive for Good distills the essential elements of Dr. Luskin's forgiveness training into an accessible guide for overcoming the negative effects of anger, bitterness, and resentment by gaining control of our feelings. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the behavior of those who have hurt us. Forgiveness is a choice that we make to release our past and heal our present.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, insists Fred Luskin in Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, nor does it mean condoning bad behavior. What it does mean is that you "take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim in the story you tell." Luskin, a practicing psychologist and cofounder of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, shows why forgiveness is important for mental and physical health, explains how to form a grievance and suggests practical steps for healing. He uses examples from his clinical practice including instances of broader cultural grievances like those between Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland in this solidly researched and convincing guide.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

To forgive may be divine, according to Alexander Pope, but it is hardly easy. How do you forgive a hit-and-run driver, a boss who makes life unbearable, or a cheating spouse? Luskin says not only can you forgive such people but that for your own good mental and physical health, you must. The author is careful to make the distinction between forgiveness and condoning actions, forgetting them, or reconciling with the offender, all or some of which may not be possible. He says that over time we build up "grievances" against others on which we obsess and that make it impossible to get on with our lives. It is only through forgiveness that we can let go of the grievance, stop playing the role of victim, and move on. Through case studies, he indicates how we build up grievances and how they can block our happiness. He then describes the HEAL method of forgiveness, which stands for Hope, Educate, Affirm, and Long-term. Good practical advice for a very difficult task. Marlene Chamberlain
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne; First Edition edition (December 24, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0062517201
• ISBN-13: 978-0062517203
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #560,236 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Fred Luskin, Ph.D. is the author of Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love and one of the world's leading researchers and teachers on the subject of forgiveness. He is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, a series of research projects that investigate his forgiveness methods. He holds an appointment as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford and is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He lives in Palo Alto, California.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

201 of 206 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Simple but not simplistic., June 27, 2003

By 

Lara Everest - See all my reviews

This review is from: Forgive for Good (Paperback)

I bought three books on forgiveness and returned the other two.

The people I needed to forgive ranged from my father for demanding to know why I "didn't get an A+" on a math exam for which I had ONLY received an A, as well as for not protecting me from the prying eyes of my younger brother as I was maturing into a woman, to the murderer of my roommate as well as his defense attorney the latter worked real hard at (and basically succeeded in) rattling my cage by showing me gruesome crime scene and autopsy photos of my beaten and strangled friend while I testified at the trial.

I can and will explain my reasons for keeping this book and returning the others in two ways.

THE TOUCHY-FEELY REASON
While reading this book (Forgive For Good) I felt understood, hopeful, calm, and, most important, forgiving, whereas when reading the other two books I quickly became bored and frustrated and had to work hard just to get through them.

THE RATIONAL REASONS
a.
Forgive For Good, contrary to what some other customer reviewers have said, accepted right on page one that I had something to forgive and it immediately granted me "personal power" on a silver platter so I could proceed with the forgiving. Conversely, the other books were similar to most psychological self-help books I've read that focus the vast majority of their pages to figuring out whether or not I had really been a victim and just who was to blame for my problems and emphasised the probability that I would need outside help for years to do so.

The first "step" in all three books is having someone validate our pain. In Forgive For Good, however, the author himself or the reader can do this and it is not a given that years of costly psychoanalysis is necessary just to get to this point. But, the other books were written seemingly with the expectation that people are so confused and ignorant of their own feelings that everyone needs professional help for years just to get to the point of being able to address the need to forgive. In fact, one of the books ENDS with warnings about how long the whole process will take and bluntly states that even after following every step in the extremely intensive process delineated in the book it can take years to feel better AFTER HAVING FORGIVEN. As I've already mentioned above, just reading Dr. Luskin's book gave me peace of mind and the ability to forgive.

b.
Yes, Dr. Luskin does point out that my pain is directly related to my pre-existing expectations about what other people "should" say/do to me. And he does so in a very direct way. And, yes, sometimes this can be very hard to accept, or maybe even understand.

And, believe it or not, any other truthful book about forgiveness, as well as your psychoanalyst, actually says the same thing - eventually.

They won't tell you that you are to blame for your pain or that you should merely not feel it, but to get to the point where you can forgive and not be hurt anymore (or again) you must recognize your own power to change your own feelings, expectations, and behavior. Nobody else can change any of these things. You are a free human being. So is the person who did whatever hurt you.
Dr. Luskin merely starts where everyone else is going.

c.
The case studies in Dr. Luskin's book are followed all through the book and are NOT composites. They are real people who really participated in his studies and you can read how EVERY STEP of the process impacted each person, sometimes dramatically differently than other people.

Case studies in the other books, as in most other similar books, were composites. I say call them what they really are, fictional characters with histories made up by the authors. Composities are people who have never existed, never really had the histories the authors postulate, and don't prove a darn thing about the author's theories. They are, in sum, worthless.

d.
Dr. Luskin writes very, very well. He reiterates and reminds. He uses the same phraseology for concepts all through the books instead of trying to come up with as many synonyms as possible to sound literate.

In sum, this is THE BOOK you want to buy if you truly want to learn to forgive the painful experiences of your life. BAR NONE.

35 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive For Your Own Good!, February 5, 2002

By 

Sonora (NYC) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (Hardcover)

This is the one book that changed my life. Good literature for the soul. Especially good for people who are coping with depression, excessive stress, or panic attacks. Easy read, simple logic, no ambiguity; this writing is clear and the instructions on forgiving are concrete. Unlike most self help books this one is not abstract and these are tools you can start using now and they stay with you.

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book for letting go of long-standing grievances, March 10, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness (Hardcover)

I found this book accidentally, while I was searching for something else. I'm extremely glad that I read it, though, because I really needed to let go of grievances that have been ruining my life. The book provides logical, well-supported arguments for why and how you should forgive people and institutions that have caused you pain.

My one criticism of this book is that it's too long-winded. A good editor could cut this book down to half its length without losing any substantial content. Less is more.