Customer Reviews

Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness

5 star:		(39)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

I bought three books on forgiveness and returned the other two.

The people I needed to forgive ranged from my father for demanding to know why I "didn't get an A+" on a math exam for which I had ONLY received an A, as well as for not protecting me from the prying eyes of my younger brother as I was maturing into a woman, to the murderer of my roommate as well as his defense attorney the latter worked real hard at (and basically succeeded in) rattling my cage by showing me gruesome crime scene and autopsy photos of my beaten and strangled friend while I testified at the trial.

I can and will explain my reasons for keeping this book and returning the others in two ways.

THE TOUCHY-FEELY REASON
While reading this book (Forgive For Good) I felt understood, hopeful, calm, and, most important, forgiving, whereas when reading the other two books I quickly became bored and frustrated and had to work hard just to get through them.

THE RATIONAL REASONS
a.
Forgive For Good, contrary to what some other customer reviewers have said, accepted right on page one that I had something to forgive and it immediately granted me "personal power" on a silver platter so I could proceed with the forgiving. Conversely, the other books were similar to most psychological self-help books I've read that focus the vast majority of their pages to figuring out whether or not I had really been a victim and just who was to blame for my problems and emphasised the probability that I would need outside help for years to do so.

The first "step" in all three books is having someone validate our pain. In Forgive For Good, however, the author himself or the reader can do this and it is not a given that years of costly psychoanalysis is necessary just to get to this point. But, the other books were written seemingly with the expectation that people are so confused and ignorant of their own feelings that everyone needs professional help for years just to get to the point of being able to address the need to forgive. In fact, one of the books ENDS with warnings about how long the whole process will take and bluntly states that even after following every step in the extremely intensive process delineated in the book it can take years to feel better AFTER HAVING FORGIVEN. As I've already mentioned above, just reading Dr. Luskin's book gave me peace of mind and the ability to forgive.

b.
Yes, Dr. Luskin does point out that my pain is directly related to my pre-existing expectations about what other people "should" say/do to me. And he does so in a very direct way. And, yes, sometimes this can be very hard to accept, or maybe even understand.

And, believe it or not, any other truthful book about forgiveness, as well as your psychoanalyst, actually says the same thing - eventually.

They won't tell you that you are to blame for your pain or that you should merely not feel it, but to get to the point where you can forgive and not be hurt anymore (or again) you must recognize your own power to change your own feelings, expectations, and behavior. Nobody else can change any of these things. You are a free human being. So is the person who did whatever hurt you.
Dr. Luskin merely starts where everyone else is going.

c.
The case studies in Dr. Luskin's book are followed all through the book and are NOT composites. They are real people who really participated in his studies and you can read how EVERY STEP of the process impacted each person, sometimes dramatically differently than other people.

Case studies in the other books, as in most other similar books, were composites. I say call them what they really are, fictional characters with histories made up by the authors. Composities are people who have never existed, never really had the histories the authors postulate, and don't prove a darn thing about the author's theories. They are, in sum, worthless.

d.
Dr. Luskin writes very, very well. He reiterates and reminds. He uses the same phraseology for concepts all through the books instead of trying to come up with as many synonyms as possible to sound literate.

In sum, this is THE BOOK you want to buy if you truly want to learn to forgive the painful experiences of your life. BAR NONE.

This is the one book that changed my life. Good literature for the soul. Especially good for people who are coping with depression, excessive stress, or panic attacks. Easy read, simple logic, no ambiguity; this writing is clear and the instructions on forgiving are concrete. Unlike most self help books this one is not abstract and these are tools you can start using now and they stay with you.

I found this book accidentally, while I was searching for something else. I'm extremely glad that I read it, though, because I really needed to let go of grievances that have been ruining my life. The book provides logical, well-supported arguments for why and how you should forgive people and institutions that have caused you pain.

My one criticism of this book is that it's too long-winded. A good editor could cut this book down to half its length without losing any substantial content. Less is more.

Loved it!! One of the best book I have read on forgiveness. I like how he defines rules as being enforceable verses unenforceable. Has made me look at all the unenforceable rules I have place on my life and the anger that has built up in me because of these rules.It is going to be permanent book on my bookself. Lots of life lesson I can teach my family.

Forgive For Good does not say that we need to reconcile or make up with the people that have hurt us. Reconciliation and forgiveness are two different things. In accessible language, Dr. Luskin offers us a clear understanding of what it means to forgive. We learn that forgiveness is not about who caused the pain and why, but how we can move on with our choices and our lives. We can't control other people but we can control how we deal with the pain that has been caused in the past. This is what Forgive For Good is all about. This book offers us a proven approach to dealing with pain in our past and moving forward. We all know how easy it is to be stuck in the cycle of blame. With Forgive For Good, we aren't told to forget but rather to make choices about how we want to live in the present and future. Again, this is not about being a pushover or forgetting. Forgive For Good is about how we choose to deal with the anger and pain that someone or something has caused. We can let it ruin our lives or we can read Forgive For Good and make the right decisions for the here and now.

This book is a blessing! The title alone awakened a longing inside of myself to be free of grudges and unhealthy anger that I've been carrying around.

I barely even got to the program steps, and I could feel myself breathing again! Not only do I let go of the big hurts I've been carrying around, but I've discovered little hurts that have been waiting their turn to disrupt my life, and poof... They're gone.

If you're someone with legitimate pain and grievances, and you're looking to move on with your life, or just someone looking to calm down and lower your risk of heart attacks, PLEASE buy this book. Everyone should read this book.

I took Fred Luskin's forgiveness training class online, and read this book. I am simply astonished at how well his methods work, and how quickly.

I was coming out of a long depression, and two and half years of deep therapy for incest, and a whole lifetime of terrible relationships. Most of the work in analysis was done, but I had huge feelings that I couldn't put to rest. Anger. Grief. Fear about about the future.

Fred's methodology is very practical and sensible. It's easy to learn, and easy to do. It's a discipline, so you have to exercise it. But what I found was that, when I had these bad feelings and I went through the discipline, I could not only manage the feelings, but also gain insight and peace of mind.

This is exactly what I'd hoped for, because I knew that all these negative emotions were keeping me from moving on with my life. I highly recommend the book and the online course.

A few months ago I discovered that my wife was having an affair. A couple of weeks ago, searching Amazon for books on "affairs", I came across this book. My first reaction was "no way am I interested in forgiveness", but the reviews of other readers got me thinking about the idea that the goal of forgiveness was to free myself from the tyranny of the pain I was feeling. This book is great - it actually never occurred to me that I could find a way to separate myself from the feelings of retribution that have occupied all my thinking time since I found out about the affair. It is simply written - yes, a little repetitive - with a clear mesage that forgiveness is about the victim, not the perpetrator of the problem. I recommend it highly if you cannot move on and need to find some peace with yourself. A book that may be a gift for you.

This book is practical. It doesn't ask you to magically turn your feelings off or to become a saint. There are things that often happen in life whether by people who are close to us or random strangers than can hurt us very deeply. When we are not able to come to terms with these events and they start to grow within our minds and take up too much space, the quality of our life suffers. This author respects our feelings, but lets us know how and why we can move through life's difficult situations and not allow them to consume us.

I took Fred Luskin's Forgiveness course in 2000, before his book was out. His class changed my life. I recently bought this book for a friend, and ended up reading it myself. His book is so true - don't take things so personally, recognize that you can only control yourself, free up your mind, find peace through forgiveness. Become a hero, not a victim. I highly recommend this book - especially for anyone in a divorce. Your life can get better!