Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life [Illustrated] [Hardcover]

Dr. Dick Tibbits (Author), Steve Halliday (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 5, 2006

We either become overwhelmed by life's difficulties or we become strengthened by life's hardest lessons. The difference is found in one's ability to forgive. Dr. Dick Tibbits shows you how forgiveness can effectively reduce your anger, drastically improve your health and put you in charge of your life again, no matter how deep your hurt. Everyone has a grievance story - we've all been hurt or rejected by someone who mattered to us. Too often, that damage leads to negative emotions - such as anger - that lingers for years. Unfortunately, while most of us have been told to forgive, we've never been told how or why to forgive. Dr. Dick Tibbits explains that understanding and practicing forgiveness can literally save your life! How widespread is the problem? According to Dr. Tibbits, There probably isn't a person in the country who hasn't tried to forgive at one time or another and failed. Most people have tried to forgive the offender and forget the pain. But it's still there. Unless the grievance story is revealed and redefined, you will likely face a spiritual crisis, emotional despair and serious health risks. The urgent need for this book is even more apparent when you consider that failing to forgive is a major cause of hypertension. Forgive to Live provides positive, life changing advice that is applicable to everyone with a grievance story. Today, it is a clinically proven fact that anger kills. When you refuse to forgive (or don't know the proper way to forgive) your grievance story produces a complex range of emotions consisting of resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, residual anger, and fear - which are experienced after ruminating about a wrong done to you. In this book - drawn from his groundbreaking research and popular Forgive to Live seminars - Tibbits reveals the clinically proven steps and tools every person needs to uncover their grievance story, eliminate the unresolved anger that they can and can't see, and forgive for good. He also delivers self-tests and activities to help readers measure their progress and ultimately enjoy a long and anger-free life. Dr. Tibbits plan in Forgive to Live can help repair hearts, restore health and save lives.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Forgiveness is a choice you can and should make if you want to live longer and be healthy, according to Tibbits, a mental health counselor, speaker and clergyman who is Chief People Officer at Florida Hospital. Using a step-by-step approach, Tibbits explains how we can stop listening to and telling our "grievance stories" (tales of past hurts), develop the skills of empathy and humility, change our perspective on the past and focus on goals for the future, leading us to forgiveness. Written in simple, nontechnical language reminiscent of that used in motivational seminars, Tibbits explores the connection between hanging on to past angers and hurts, and hypertension and its associated health problems, and concludes that we should forgive others for our own benefit. ("There is only one thing to consider when you hit the fork in the road that splits forgiveness and unforgiveness: which is the better choice for you?") The book suffers from repetition and could be substantially shortened. Those seeking a spiritual approach to forgiveness may be disappointed at the lack of reference to faith or religion, but those who like step-by-step guidance, or have enjoyed Tibbits's seminars, will find the text useful.
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Review

Forgiveness is more than a noble gesture toward someone else. It is an act of kindness that changes one's self and the world as well. In a world seething with a thousand hatreds, what could be more important? --Larry Dossey, MD

Dr. Tibbits has done the research and scientifically documented the healing power of forgiveness. Read it and live! --Harold G. Koenig MD

Forgive to Live is so timely and relevant because the wisdom transcends barriers of age, race, social status and spiritual background. Literally, the ideas and practices in Forgive to Live may save your life. --Kenneth R. Pelletier, PhD, MD

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (September 5, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591454700
• ISBN-13: 978-1591454700
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 2.3 x 1.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #560,219 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

27 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very useful and not a bad read, September 3, 2006

By 

Sam Johnson (Florida, USA) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life (Hardcover)

There's a lot to like about this book. It's a quick read with a strong message you can't miss. By learning about the 3 levels of forgiveness and the steps to achieving them you'll be able to get rid of your grievance story (which the author claims everyone has) that is holding you back most in life. There are even some health benefits like lowering blood pressure and stress levels.

The thing I liked about it was the author didn't just say, "Hey, you need to forgive people" - True, I learned that as a kid. But he gives the specific steps he used to teach the group that went through his clinical study how to forgive.

The author gives 10 Principles of Forgiveness. Here are the first five:

1. Accept that life is not fair and that others may play by a different set of rules than you do.

2. Stop blaming others for your circumstances.

3. Understand that you cannot change the person who hurt you; you can only change yourself.

4. Acknowledge the anger and hurt that some unpleasant or even harmful even is causing you.

5. Reframe your story of hurt--your "grievance story"--by placing the hurtful events in a broader context than your current point of view.

There are five more principles, but you get the idea.

The new clinical research the author did for the book seems to have paid off. The steps he suggests can be a painful (you have to review things that make you angry), but the results are powerful. Overall, it's probably one of the most useful books on forgiveness around. Other good reads on the topic are Lewis Smedes book called "Forgive & Forget" and Redford Williams book called "Anger Kills". But the clinical study behind this book makes it stand out.

Finally, if you're thinking of buying this book you might like to know that the author gives some exercises / activities at the end of each chapter. Some are better than others. I liked the Anger Test from chapter 3 and the Grievance Story Toxicity assessment from chapter 5. The author even gives an amusing parable about forgiveness at the beginning of the book called "Drop the Rock".

One more thing, there's a discussion guide in the back of the book. For each chapter there are 8-10 questions that could be used to get people talking about the things covered in the chapter. Probably a useful tool if you run a support group or some other kind of small group.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Learning what forgiveness is, October 2, 2006

By 

Migraine Free (Orlando, Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life (Hardcover)

This book has helped me tremendously! After ending a 3 year relationship, I was at odds with how to move on. This book gave me some great tips as well as teaching me the importance of forgiving, so that I can benefit. The best thing the book explains is why forgiveness doesn't equal forget. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with a breakup or relationship issues.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Life Changing Book, December 26, 2007

By 

Dr. C. H. Roberts (USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Forgive to Live: How Forgiveness Can Save Your Life (Hardcover)

I have used this book as a tool for teaching, counseling, and life coaching, and I can attest to the wisdom that Dr Tibbits brings to our understanding of forgiveness. A special quality of this book is that it is spiritual without being sectarian. I am also especially grateful for Dr Tibbits' expanding our understanding of what forgiveness is: a process of the reframing the past. I highly recommend this book.