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Forgive for Love: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship Paperback – January 27, 2009


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne; Reprint edition (January 27, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061234958
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061234958
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #163,948 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Luskin (Forgive for Good) approaches the matter of couples' harmony by pinpointing forgiveness as the secret to a relationship's longevity. He defines forgiveness as letting go of anger and despair when your partner doesn't do what you want, yet in one example he does suggest ending a totally unsatisfactory relationship. Still, Luskin's steps toward full forgiveness eventually begin to make a lot of sense once the author reminds readers that they made the choice to be with the person they're with, and that their partner is flawed and so are they. Luskin's advice and case histories draw heavily on his own studies at the Stanford Forgiveness Project, which he directs. But since his notion of forgiveness includes such steps as acceptance of a partner's imperfections, recognizing the love he or she gives and committing to the relationship, forgiveness seems like a catch-all term for the same advice many other relationship experts offer. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

“Dr. Luskin provides the necessary insight to not only forgive your partner but motivate you as well.” (John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

“Luskin has brilliantly combined science, psychology and plain ol’ common sense to show us how to...love again.” (Rhonda Britten, bestselling author of Fearless Living and Founder of the Fearless Living Institute)

“No-nonsense writing and numerous lists provide accessibility and achievability.” (Library Journal)

“…The secret to lifelong love. Learning how to forgive may be the most important skill for a loving and lasting relationship.” (Redbook)

More About the Author

Fred Luskin, Ph.D. is the author of Forgive for Good and Forgive for Love and one of the world's leading researchers and teachers on the subject of forgiveness. He is the director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, a series of research projects that investigate his forgiveness methods. He holds an appointment as a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford and is a Professor of Clinical Psychology at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. He lives in Palo Alto, California.

Customer Reviews

An amazing book,highly recommend it to everyone.
Elaine
This is a book that should be read before marriage to help set up realistic expectations in our relationships and with our partners.
Amazon Customer
Most believe that their hurts and misery comes by the hands of others.
James D. Pimentel

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

31 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Daniel T. Bryant on January 9, 2008
Format: Hardcover
I have just completed my first reading of "Forgive for Love" by Dr. Fred Luskin. This will be a book I read again and again. The book discusses the core need for forgiveness as an integral part of every healthy relationship. This subject matter is long overdue and Dr. Luskin's analysis and conclusions about the material are well thought out and well articulated.
I valued this book because it provided a solid and previously missing foundation for so many other relationship and communication books. I teach Couple Communications and often find `self help' and `how to' guides to relationship to be hollow and unfulfilling. . I believe many of these self help books will have more value with this text as a foundation.
Dr. Luskin's detailed analysis of who the individuals in a relationship are and how they error in their interactions; provides the groundwork necessary to make his exercises both meaningful and the resulting changes more probable.
Despite the available information to the contrary; fairy tale expectations still flood the arena of relationships. "Forgive for Love" dispels these false foundational expectations with a refreshing and realistic appraisal of the human condition as flawed; practical and tested training to deal with this reality; and a resultant mind set conducive to meaningful relationship.
While I would recommend this book to couples in troubled relationships; I would suggest that individuals not wait. This book belongs in the hands of anyone old enough to be in a relationship and should be on the gift list for all weddings and wedding showers.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful By N. Hyde on August 14, 2010
Format: Paperback
This is one of the very best self-help books I've encountered because it teaches simple, powerful, broadly applicable and very effective techniques. I'm nearly 40, and I've been aware for more than 20 years that I have a very negative internal voice that's hard on me and other people, that I overreact to things, dwell on the past, and hold grudges. However, until now, none of the many books I've read really helped me with that. I learned to try to ignore the voice and sometimes argue with it, but it didn't really strike at the root of the problem. Finally, I found the right book to really help. The ideas in it are applicable not only to interactions with your spouse, but also to interactions with your children, friends, and strangers on the street, and dealing with bad luck that befalls you. It also has a separate chapter on how to forgive yourself for past mistakes.

Some of the powerful ideas in the book:
* As you learn to forgive more, you gain the power to control the degree of pain you feel when your partner is difficult. You do not gain control over your lover as much as you learn to control your emotional reactivity and your blood pressure.
* Everyone is flawed and makes mistakes. Every relationship will have challenges and be difficult at times.
* Blame is not the same as asking someone to change his behavior. Blame is giving someone responsibility for how hurt and angry you are. When you often feel bad, that gives the other person an enormous amount of power and makes you feel small and helpless.
* Take time each day to recognize the good qualities of the people around you and be grateful for all the things you have.
* Unenforceable rules are when you try to control something that is not in your power to control.
Read more ›
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By James D. Pimentel on October 27, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is medicine for your marriage. Luskin's understanding of forgiveness is far more comprehensive and helpful than a standard diffinition. When applied and practiced by both spouses much progress and mutual happiness can result. Clear and insightful. None who read this book can remain anything but humble about their own contribution to marriage. When combined with Glasser's Choice Theory, any couple can rescue and build their marriage. This book is not just for couples. It is for anyone who believes that life has been stolen or hijacked from them. Luskin coaches that the person we become and the happiness we achieve comes primarily through our thinking and actions. Our happiness comes from the inside out not what most people believe. Most believe that their hurts and misery comes by the hands of others. Not so fast says Luskin. We control our reaction to external stimulus, positive our negative. By and large, all things being equal, we make our own happiness. Immensely helpful.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Joyce on September 26, 2012
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
I am in my second reading of this book, not because it is difficult to understand, but because I need to be reminded frequently of its common sense message. It is easy for most of us, particularly in our intimate relationships, to believe that our frustrations and miseries come at the hands of others. Luskin's seven-step program strips away the comfortable clothing of blame and complaint, leaving you dressed in humility and yet with a strange power. Some of us tend to believe that forgiveness puts one in a weak position. Quite the contrary. When you begin to take responsibility for your choices, recognize your own flaws, give up trying to control what you can't control, accept what you can't change, grieve your losses, notice and appreciate your partner's gifts -- you become a hero, not a victim. You become equipped to make changes that are necessary and possible and to enjoy and not take for granted the unique ephemeral relationship you have chosen. This book can bring major life changes.
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