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28 Reviews
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive for Love
I have just completed my first reading of "Forgive for Love" by Dr. Fred Luskin. This will be a book I read again and again. The book discusses the core need for forgiveness as an integral part of every healthy relationship. This subject matter is long overdue and Dr. Luskin's analysis and conclusions about the material are well thought out and well articulated.
I...
Published on January 9, 2008 by Daniel T. Bryant

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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Practical but repetitous
I have read his earlier book, Forgive for Good, and was looking forward to new material. However, this book recycles the same case studies and material. I think Luskin's ideas are very valid and I gained a lot from the earlier book and from his talks on the web. I would select Forgive for Good or this book, but not both.
Published 18 months ago by Constant Reader


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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive for Love, January 9, 2008
This review is from: Forgive for Love (Hardcover)
I have just completed my first reading of "Forgive for Love" by Dr. Fred Luskin. This will be a book I read again and again. The book discusses the core need for forgiveness as an integral part of every healthy relationship. This subject matter is long overdue and Dr. Luskin's analysis and conclusions about the material are well thought out and well articulated.
I valued this book because it provided a solid and previously missing foundation for so many other relationship and communication books. I teach Couple Communications and often find `self help' and `how to' guides to relationship to be hollow and unfulfilling. . I believe many of these self help books will have more value with this text as a foundation.
Dr. Luskin's detailed analysis of who the individuals in a relationship are and how they error in their interactions; provides the groundwork necessary to make his exercises both meaningful and the resulting changes more probable.
Despite the available information to the contrary; fairy tale expectations still flood the arena of relationships. "Forgive for Love" dispels these false foundational expectations with a refreshing and realistic appraisal of the human condition as flawed; practical and tested training to deal with this reality; and a resultant mind set conducive to meaningful relationship.
While I would recommend this book to couples in troubled relationships; I would suggest that individuals not wait. This book belongs in the hands of anyone old enough to be in a relationship and should be on the gift list for all weddings and wedding showers.
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21 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Powerful! (But Not Without Flaws), August 14, 2010
This is one of the very best self-help books I've encountered because it teaches simple, powerful, broadly applicable and very effective techniques. I'm nearly 40, and I've been aware for more than 20 years that I have a very negative internal voice that's hard on me and other people, that I overreact to things, dwell on the past, and hold grudges. However, until now, none of the many books I've read really helped me with that. I learned to try to ignore the voice and sometimes argue with it, but it didn't really strike at the root of the problem. Finally, I found the right book to really help. The ideas in it are applicable not only to interactions with your spouse, but also to interactions with your children, friends, and strangers on the street, and dealing with bad luck that befalls you. It also has a separate chapter on how to forgive yourself for past mistakes.

Some of the powerful ideas in the book:
* As you learn to forgive more, you gain the power to control the degree of pain you feel when your partner is difficult. You do not gain control over your lover as much as you learn to control your emotional reactivity and your blood pressure.
* Everyone is flawed and makes mistakes. Every relationship will have challenges and be difficult at times.
* Blame is not the same as asking someone to change his behavior. Blame is giving someone responsibility for how hurt and angry you are. When you often feel bad, that gives the other person an enormous amount of power and makes you feel small and helpless.
* Take time each day to recognize the good qualities of the people around you and be grateful for all the things you have.
* Unenforceable rules are when you try to control something that is not in your power to control. Instead of saying to yourself that someone should or must do something or life should be fair, change it to "I wish that..." This is a great, easy way to deal with the negative internal voice! Suddenly, instead of feeling frustrated and victimized, I can focus on problem-solving to get what I want.
* The book explains the HEAL method, which helps you cope with deep hurts by framing them in terms of goals you had that you can continue to strive for in the future.
* The book contains several short meditations with deep breathing and holding onto a positive image. I haven't done them much but it seems like they could be helpful.

So, this is a powerful book and I urge you to read it. However, I gave it 5 stars rating because it's very effective, not because it's perfect. The book has many significant flaws which I found frustrating while reading and which I feel I must mention:
* The first four chapters are rambling and unfocused.
* The book is mostly page after page of text, rarely broken up with headings and bullets. No diagrams/graphics are used.
* There are many examples of specific couples, but they are mentioned briefly and in a somewhat judgmental way. I'd like to see more extended case studies.
* I would like to see more details about the grieving process.
* I'd like to see more specific examples of HEAL statements.
* I'd like to see a chapter on how to be assertive with your spouse and ask for changes. The book says you should do that (not just forgive and let things be), but it provides no specific examples.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive For Love, October 27, 2009
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This is medicine for your marriage. Luskin's understanding of forgiveness is far more comprehensive and helpful than a standard diffinition. When applied and practiced by both spouses much progress and mutual happiness can result. Clear and insightful. None who read this book can remain anything but humble about their own contribution to marriage. When combined with Glasser's Choice Theory, any couple can rescue and build their marriage. This book is not just for couples. It is for anyone who believes that life has been stolen or hijacked from them. Luskin coaches that the person we become and the happiness we achieve comes primarily through our thinking and actions. Our happiness comes from the inside out not what most people believe. Most believe that their hurts and misery comes by the hands of others. Not so fast says Luskin. We control our reaction to external stimulus, positive our negative. By and large, all things being equal, we make our own happiness. Immensely helpful.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Llife-changing common sense, September 26, 2012
By 
Joyce (Bonham, Texas) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Forgive for Love (Hardcover)
I am in my second reading of this book, not because it is difficult to understand, but because I need to be reminded frequently of its common sense message. It is easy for most of us, particularly in our intimate relationships, to believe that our frustrations and miseries come at the hands of others. Luskin's seven-step program strips away the comfortable clothing of blame and complaint, leaving you dressed in humility and yet with a strange power. Some of us tend to believe that forgiveness puts one in a weak position. Quite the contrary. When you begin to take responsibility for your choices, recognize your own flaws, give up trying to control what you can't control, accept what you can't change, grieve your losses, notice and appreciate your partner's gifts -- you become a hero, not a victim. You become equipped to make changes that are necessary and possible and to enjoy and not take for granted the unique ephemeral relationship you have chosen. This book can bring major life changes.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If you are willing to be self responsible, this is your book., October 6, 2012
This is a book that should be read before marriage to help set up realistic expectations in our relationships and with our partners. Forgiveness is a huge concept and Fred Lukskin helps make it an action without comprimizing or minimizing yourself while you choose how you want to handle others who have hurt or disappointed you. I recommend this book often to encourage the art reframing self talk to more realistice and workable options of dealing with pain and disappointment in themselves, their partners, others and life.
Namaste
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Marriage saver for a newlywed, September 8, 2009
This review is from: Forgive for Love (Hardcover)
This book has revolutionized my young marriage. Luskin is a scientist and psychologist but the principles he teaches are ancient. The way he conveys them, with practical tools for applying forgiveness, are priceless.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy this if you've ever been hurt in a relationship., December 6, 2013
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This review is from: Forgive for Love (Hardcover)
Bought this book because of the aftermath of a troubled relationship and it really helped. Forgiveness is not easy but this book is really good for couples or for any individual who can't get free of negative emotions that come when things aren't good between you and your partner or after a breakup. This book really gives clear instruction on how to deal with the big problem of unforgiveness.
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Forgive for Love, February 28, 2008
By 
Terry Henry (Angwin, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: Forgive for Love (Hardcover)
An excellent book, a must read for any married person. It will definitely improve the quality of your marriage and your life.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars great guide for relationships, August 20, 2013
By 
Carlos Atl (Sedona, Arizona) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Forgive for Love (Kindle Edition)
His first book on forgiveness was so good that I got this one, which really focuses on marriage. Just a great manual. I would refer to this, "The Relationship Handbook", and Don Miguel Ruiz's "Mastery of Love" as books you can go to again and again to help keep your relationship healthy and loving.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Practical but repetitous, June 24, 2013
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This review is from: Forgive for Love: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship (Hardcover)
I have read his earlier book, Forgive for Good, and was looking forward to new material. However, this book recycles the same case studies and material. I think Luskin's ideas are very valid and I gained a lot from the earlier book and from his talks on the web. I would select Forgive for Good or this book, but not both.
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Forgive for Love: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship
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