Customer Reviews

How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships

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This book talks of forgiveness more in terms of estranged relationships. It discusses how to forgive (or seek forgiveness for) one defined hurtful event from a long time ago. However, it does not discuss how to forgive someone who you still maintain a relationship with, but who continually hurts you. When people see no problem with their ongoing hurtful behavior, they will not seek forgiveness. So then you can't have any kind of reconciliation. And forgiving without that reconciliation is far more difficult. It would be nice if the wrongdoer would confront you and say "I know I hurt you, I know I was wrong, and I ask for your forgiveness". But it just doesn't always work out that nicely and neatly. You have to forgive when people "know not what they do", and you have to forgive when there will be no reconciliation. But how? The book presumes the one seeking reconciliation is the one who has done wrong, and it doesn't tell you how to get that without the other party's invovlement. And although the book DOES admit that reconciliation is not possible with some people, it gives no direction on how to forgive them anyway for your own inner peace.

I ordered this because Klein is a rabbi and I figured that the book might provide some extra meaning for this nice Jewish girl, but I found it rather weak in terms of content and offering little in the way of practical advice. ...Robert enright's book, "forgiveness is a choice", is much much better
and very practical.

This book assumes that the person who have wronged us does have good intention which we might have overlooked, in which case, it would be easy to forgive. But I think readers are looking for more than that, and I definitely agree with Rachel's view. Sometimes, you just want to forgive, but you might not necessarily want to reconcile with that person, especially if that person is still continuing his hurtful behaviour. There are many other books about forgiveness that have this information. However, if you are just looking for ways to forgive someone who has wronged you and they now feel sorry about it and are seeking for your forgiveness, then this might be a book for you.

I bought this book at a time when both my husband and I had a lot of forgiving to do, of each other, of my father, of others in our lives. This little volume by Charles Klein sums up nicely the importance of forgiveness in relationships, for both the one who seeks forgiveness and the one who forgives. The best lessons in this book are, in my mind, 1. Love looks forward; 2. Never let pride get in the way of asking for or giving forgiveness, and 3. That relationships are not to be easily thrown away when they are broken, or when the people in our relationships fail to "serve" us. After reading this, I am all for the idea of a National Reconcilation Day, when people take time to forgive, ask for forgiveness, and make fresh starts in their relationships. The idea may sound easy and trite, but one cannot accomplish the hard work of repairing broken relationships without saying "I'm sorry" or "I forgive you." Thank you, Rabbi Klein, for reminding us of the importance of those simple sentences!

Kleins' book is basically a smoothly integrated anthology of stories from his rabbinical counseling of people anguished by their inability to forgive. I read it at a time when God had just inspired me to forgive someone for a terrible betrayal; and it seemed as if God was again speaking to me through the book to reassure me that I had done the right thing. Klein teaches that forgiveness is about breaking down walls of bitterness, resentment and silence which can last for years, poisoning our hearts. By example, he shows how we can forgive family divisions, money arguments, abuse, emotional neglect, hateful words and other common misdeeds which rip apart relationships.

The only weakness is that it fails to address in more than passing tones several unique kinds of powerfully bad actions for which we can find or offer forgiveness: rape, other violent crime, adultery and religious persecution (the latter being ironic, considering the religious overtones). Still, I strongly rcommend this for anyone who has been wronged by another, and who needs to get past the hurt. It *will* help.

I had the chance to happen upon this book in an alternative bookstore while I was on vacation. I ended up curling up in a chair and reading the thing from cover to cover. From there I set about making contact with everyone I had "excommunicated" from my life for various reasons: friends, family, etc.

All of the people I reached out to were so grateful to hear from me and it feels great to have put down the burden and made friends with people I care about. Two weeks after I made peace with my parents, my stepfather passed away. The knowledge that he knew I had forgiven him was of great comfort as I grieved, and it helped my mother and me become closer too.

As a result, I just bought three copies of this book to give to family members struggling with this issue. I highly recommend it. It changed my life, for the better.

This book offers practical advice to people who are motivated to forgive even if they can't forget.

If you have a hard time with letting go of your anger, this is for you.

The following is quoted from the book..."Before there can be universal peace founded upon respect and appreciation of different ways...we will first have to inspire people to seek reunion with family members and friends. For as long as people willingly accept the brokenness of precious relationships, there can be no hope for a worldwide day of healing and peace."
This book alone will not provide all the answers (no book can) except for the Old/New Testaments. I would encourage anyone dealing with complicated relationships/situations to seek out any avenue of help...counseling, friends, extended family, etc. Another good book for reading is "Irregular People," by Joyce Landorf Heatherley.

The door to my heart has been closed for such a long time and I desparately wanted to open it. Finally, I can open the door from the inside.