Customer Reviews

Forgiven and Forgiving

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In "Forgiven and Forgiving," L. William Countryman engages the topic of forgiveness from a gospel perspective, especially how it fits into the Christian life, and how it contributes to the "forgiver's" sense of self, spirituality and quality of life. Mr. Countryman neither minimizes nor glosses away important issues such as abuse, pain, suffering, anger or fear; nor does he participate in sugar-coating, guilt trips, self-hatred, sanctimoniousness or denial.

Instead, this work illuminates the gradual, often difficult and painful, process of conversion needed to experience God's love and forgiveness and the realization that ultimately, every human being, each of us, will need to be forgiven for *something*. Mr. Countryman also reminds us that as we grow into our experience of God's love, forgiveness becomes that much easier, an extension of the wonderful love and support we feel. A very good, very healing, book, both religious and spiritual in the truest sense of the words.

I'm reading this book as part of a Lenten study series. At first I was relieved to find out that forgiveness bore little resemblance to my preconceptions of it (mainly denial). But this little book deepens quickly, and I've found myself looking at forgiveness in an entirely different way.

For one thing - if you've ever hesitated in living your life for fear of offending others, you'll learn that forgiveness is a life long process, and that apologies are nothing to fear. Forgiveness draws us deeper into life, closer to our own desires, and into more authentic relationships with others.

For someone like me who SO enjoys plotting revenge (though I rarely carry it out) this book has been tranformative.

This is a Christian book primarily about how to forgive. However as long as someone is not hostile to Christianity, I think it would be helpful to non-Christians too.

It is primarily for those who have been grievously wronged. And perhaps been wounded again, by well meaning people making light of what forgiveness really is.

Among other well done topics in this book, is the 2nd chapter called "Forgiveness - Not Quite What You Thought". Countryman explains 4 common things that are mistaken for forgiveness:

1. "One commonly share misconception is that forgiveness is a matter of making nice. The motto of this sort of forgiveness is 'They didn't really mean it.'"

2. "Another mistaken notice of forgiveness is to make it a mode of denial, the forgiveness that takes as its motto: 'It wasn't really that important.'"

3. "Another way we distort and misunderstand forgiveness is by making it a a form of emotional manipulation of ourselves or others. We think of it primarily as a feeling to be acquired by whatever means are necessary.... This is forgiveness as melodrama, a complicated competition for moral superiority based on who feels the right way and who doesn't.'"

4. "Still another common misunderstanding of forgiveness treats forgiveness as a commodity. We purchase it by means of repentance - perhaps including penances that cost us dearly. This is the notice of forgiveness as second prize. First prize goes to those who do everything right the first time around. Second prize goes to those who repent really, really well.'"

There is also a section titled "Forgiving Others for Our Own Sakes". It begins "What the matter comes down to, then, is that I need to forgive others for the sake of my own well-being. If I refuse to begin the process of forgiveness, I will find myself locked up in the pain of past wrongs. I'll no longer be shaped and determined primarily by the blessings and opportunities of my life, but by the harm someone else has done to me."

Countryman does not shy away from tough issues, such as non-apologies, no apology, the absent offender, abusive situations, repeat offenders, spiritual abuse, when forgiveness is not extended to you, and when reconciliation is foolish.

If I had to reduce my library to a handful of books, this one would make the cut.

I ordered this book as a recommendation from my Priest. The book was delivered quickly and the price was very good. The book itself is an excellent one. It is an easy read and is very thought provoking.

I bought this book a few years ago and thought it was pretty good. Now, I am re-reading it and finding it to be extra-ordinary. A solid, theological, helpful text for every pastor's shelf.