Customer Reviews

Forgiveness and Child Abuse: Would YOU Forgive?

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Being both a victim of child abuse and a counselor, I anxiously awaited the appearance of this book. Not because I thought it would give me answers, but because I wanted a single reference that posed all of the hard questions needing to be addressed in order for an abuse victim to find peace. Few clients have the time or patience to read a stack of books, and there are some who struggle to remain focused on the topic. 53 diverse voices of wizened guidance, covering the entire spectrum of experience and perspective -- this book needs to be standard equipment in every home, school, and institution where child abuse is addressed.

This is a book about forgiveness and abuse. It is a story for and about the victims of child abuse. It is a story that asks the question: "You are a child in a family that sadistically abuses. You are forced to torture and destroy. What should you do now as an adult? Do you forgive your parents? HOW do you forgive yourself? This question calls for a thoughtful introspection by the reader to formulate an answer or response.

Fifty-three well know personalities responded to this question. The group includes therapists, spiritual advisors, activists, children's advocates, song writers, and other leaders in the field of forgiveness and abuse. The responses of these experts make up the body of the book. Their responses provided healing for the victims of these unspeakable acts and horrendous atrocities: physical, sexual, and verbal. The answers are profound and reveal beautiful insights in personal forgiveness and the resulting freedom this can produce in the victim.

Many of the respondents share their own personal stories of abuse. Award winning writer, Derrick Jensen, observed "We become a family of amnesiacs. There's no place in the mind to sufficiently contain theses experiences." These are stories of heroic battles, of overcoming; fear, anger, bitterness, and survival.

I found the book poignant, haunting, gripping and powerful, a book that calls for action. Dr. Einhorn wrote this book as a tribute to the power of love, and as a testimony that even severe pain can be transformed into a gift of love.

Dr. Einhorn was honored by the World Forgiveness Alliance as Heroine of Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Peace. She is well qualified to author this work. This book is a must read for child advocates, therapists, spiritual counselors, and for the victims of abuse. It is also a book for school administrators, teachers, preschool specialists, church and community leaders, and for policy formulators in government office.

Powerful, profound reading.

Impressively compiled and deftly edited by Lois Einhorn (Professor Of Communication), Forgiveness And Child Abuse: Would You Forgive? is an intimate and searchingly memorable collection of many touching and informative stories from the lives of many abused peoples wishing to let known their perspective of the abuse they once encountered and their accounts of forgiveness. Covering more then just the subject of child abuse, Forgiveness And Child Abuse enlightens the reader of why one might forgive another for their inflicted pains, as well as what might more suitably be sought as an understandable pursuit for each individual. Forgiveness And Child Abuse is very strongly recommended to all readers with a desire to understand the many various perspectives toward how we should relate to perpetrators of injury, abuse, crime, and even death.

The book provides a very impressive discussion of a most profound subject - if and when to forgive. Whether or not you suffered child abuse, as did the author, everyone has been on the receiving end of bad behavior. Whether it's people insulting you, taking advantage of you or physically harming you, the issue of whether to forgive someone will come up sometime in your life. And when it does, your decision will affect your mind, body and future. In other words, whether or not you forgive people is a big deal - not just for them but for YOU!

Fortunately, Dr. Einhorn has gathered ideas on the subject from some of the leading thinkers of our time. Their opinions range across the board. But in reading what they have to say, you will learn about the underlying issues and philosophies that can guide your decision. This is an important book: because of it's topic, because of it's contributors and because of what it can do for you.

This true story is not for the weak of heart. You can't just read this book as if it were about someone else. It happens to you, and you are going to be affected.

And, yet, the book, as heart-rending as it is, also uplifts and heals our hearts. How does it do this -- tell about terrors and still reclaim the beauty of the human spirit?

First, the author's bare-boned honest telling of her story goes deeper than the events. Her story is greater than what happened to her.

Second, Lois Einhorn is a living example of a beautiful being who transcends the past and makes her life something beautiful and meaningful. What a testament of spirit she is.

Third, in addition to the author's brilliant writing, this book also shares responses from those, the famous and the unknown, who were first privileged to read her story. Each unique response adds a jewel to our understanding of the whole range of forgiving the unforgivable.

Oh, yes, this unforgettable book is going to be read and talked about.

Incidentally, the author wants to hear from readers and to learn how you respond to her story and how you manage forgiveness in your life.

This is not a comfortable book to read. Forgiveness and Child Abuse: Would You Forgive? opens with a description of the sexual and psychological cruelty inflicted on author Lois Einhorn by her parents, an account that is so shocking it may make readers want to turn away in self-protective disbelief. But the heart and largest section of the book are the thought provoking essays Einhorn solicited from 53 noteworthy people she shared her story with and then asked for advice. What would they do if they had also been forced as children to suffer and even participate in torture and abuse? Should someone as horrifying as Einhorn's father or mother be forgiven?

The people Einhorn received responses from have many backgrounds and occupations. Included are politicians, clergy, artists, activists, entertainers, doctors, teachers, psychologists, gold medal winners and death row inmates. Among them are former U.S. Senator and Vice-Presidential nominee Thomas Eagleton, poverty law expert and peace activist Anne Herman, actor Edward Asner, psychotherapist Albert Ellis, PhD., folksinger and social activist Pete Seeger, Native American activist and author Linda Hogan, death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal, M.A. and Robert Muller who has held several high ranking positions in the United Nations and who wrote his response in the form of a poem.

Agreeing with all 53 responses would be impossible; the ideas in these essays vary so there is not one answer that a reader of this book can come away with. Some of the answers are controversial, as when Mahatma Gandhi's grandson, Arun Gandhi, suggests that one cause of violence in the Middle East is continued Jewish anger about the Nazi holocaust. In contrast, columnist Art Buchwald is at a loss and doesn't know how to respond. The variety of answers provides an opportunity for reflection, dialogue and debate.

The book closes with an afterward in which Einhorn discusses her response to the national trauma of September 11, and then tells how the writing of this book has affected her personal journey of healing. Forgiveness and Child Abuse is not an easy book to read, but it will be useful to anyone grappling with how to get on with life after a potentially debilitating ordeal.

EVERYONE has forgiveness issues. Many have abuse issues, and EVERYONE should be concerned. Therefore, EVERYONE should read Lois Einhorn's fascinating book in which she asks: "What would YOU do? You are a child in a family that sadistically abuses. You are forced to torture and destroy. What should you do NOW as an adult? Do you forgive your parents? HOW do you forgive yourself?" She elicits a rainbow of opinions and points of view by fifty-three, very varied people, many very eminent. Contributors include: Arun Gandhi (Mahatma Gandhi's grandson, who wrote the forward), Edward Asner, Bernie Siegel, Patch Adams, Laura Davis, Pete Seeger, Mumia Abu-Jamal, Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, Linda Hogan, Daniel Quinn, Gerry Spence, and two men on death row. I was astounded that there were so many different takes on "forgiveness". This book is both deeply moving and extraordinarily thought provoking. It explores such questions as: At what age, and under what circumstances, is a child responsible for his/her behavior? Are we responsible for what we do when being tortured? Einhorn's upbeat afterword is a perfect finishing touch!

I found an article on Lois Einhorn's book in the newsletter of A Course in Miracles, and instantly knew I must have it. When I read the book, I could not take my eyes from the pages. I recognized in Lois a kindred soul, and recognized also the self-contempt and selfhatred we as torture-victims have etched into our soul.
As most abuse-survivors know, it is so difficult to let go of this self-hatred: it comes from being programmed to believe that what happened, happened because we deserved it, because we were inherent GUILTY. It's lodged in our cells. Daniel Quinn, one of the 53 people who gave their view on forgiving the unforgivable, writes: "The torture devised by your parents for you and your sister was specially designed to destroy your humanity by forcing you to become torturers yourselves."
And: "The scar they wanted you to bear forever was a guilt that must seem unforgivable no matter how clearly it's shown to be understood."
By writing this now, I still feel the tremendous gratitude I felt by reading Quinn's words - recognizing the truth in them - as well as the other 52 writers' contribution. For anyone having been abused, knows that it all comes down to forgiving, and we surely need all the help we can get on HOW to forgive. The book lifted me up and allowed me to see my own shining humanity: it was not destroyed. It allowed me to look deeply into my torturers' soul; and find it there too; hidden behind a guilt so deep that they needed to put it on someone outside themselves to survive.
And I felt a huge joy spread inside: as an adult, I could have chosen to do the same with my child - and I did not.
So where there was selfhatred and agonizing selfcontempt and disgust before, is joy now. We can survive, when we remember who we truly are - and this book has helped me to remember.

Lois Einhorn's book is nothing short of heroic. She has spoken for many children, particularly girls. The little girls who were small and helpless, who had to remain silent to survive. She has made it clear, at least to me, that none of us are alone in our journey to become whole.

This is a book for anyone who has reason to believe or suspect they have been abused. This is a book written from the heart of a child, not a Therapist, removing the techical terminology. If the memories are repressed, this book will bring them out of the dark and into conciousness, at least in glimpses. It is at this point, though not easy, the memories will start to heal. We cannot heal if we do not see what is in need of healing.

Lois Einhorn is an angel, a brave and selfless angel.

The format for this book is what makes it so helpful. Lois offers no solutions, no formulas, no "pat" answers, no "shoulds". Instead, she allows the guest contributors to pose responses (not answers) to her questions about forgiveness, shame, blame, guilt, and about self-forgiveness. I found it to be very therapeutic to read through it, one brief chapter at a time, and then to take "time out" after each one to reflect a little on my own situation and decide how the ideas of various contributors meshed, or conflicted with my own. I found my own thoughts and feelings changing, shifting, emerging, and transforming as I reflected on the ideas being presented.

I liked that the book allowed for a wide range of conflicting points of view - which made me even more aware of how forgiveness needs to be an individual choice and an individual process - if it is pursued at all. There is no question that this is one of the most important healing resources available to people who are carrying wounds and burdens that need to be addressed. I am about to begin re-reading it now (one short chapter a day is the way that works best for me - to allow the necessary self-reflection time. I would highly recommend it for anyone who serves to help other people to let go of wounded energies, and to those who carry the unresolved trauma inside of themselves. It is an important piece of work and a brilliant alternative to all the useless "how-to" manuals that are a waste of time when dealing with issues of complicated trauma and abuse.

Dr. Einhorn's personal story is not an easy read. Her personal story of victimization is worse than anything I can imagine, and the fact that she has the bravery and courage to share her pain and her triumphant recovery with the world, through this book, is a testiment to the strength of the Spirit of Good-Will that lives deeper than the most evil demons that lurk within us all. I feel blessed to have run across this book and I am sure that it has moved me forward in huge steps in terms of my understanding of what it means to forgive, let go, and move on. Thank you, Lois Einhorn. God Bless you. Your willingness to illuminate the personal process, if not the pathway to healing makes you not just a wise communicator, but a respected leader in my books.