Customer Reviews

Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (Apa Lifetools)

5 star:		(21)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I received the Ph.D. degree in one of the most research-oriented universities in the country. Therefore, any time an author purports to have discovered a new and effective program, I tend to ask, "Has this program been scientifically tested?" Most "self-help" books are based on impressions and opinions only, not science. This book, however, is the grand exception. Forgiveness Is a Choice is based on years of research into how people forgive. The research is strong and the results also strong. I gave this book as a gift to a friend who had a very serious break up with someone years ago. After reading the book, she decided to take the risk of forgiving and reconciling with the other person from whom she was estranged for years. The book provided the necessary help to get the reconciliation process started. My friend credits this book with the success. "I am sold on the power of forgiveness," she said. The reader is given systematic exercises in the forgiving process. You start with exploring the anger you have,then you turn to a decision to forgive, including a clear exposition of what forgiveness is and is not. Next, you are given cognitive/thinking tasks to aid your forgiving, followed by affective/feeling tasks. In the Discovery Phase of forgiving (the final phase of the forgiveness process), the reader learns a great deal about oneself, the other person, and relationships. The author's encouragement of the reader's journaling as a means of reflection is very useful. Although the author makes the point that forgiveness benefits the forgiver, he is clear that forgiveness itself is not at all a self-focused process. Instead, as the author notes, forgiveness is a moral process in which you reach out with compassion and understanding to the one who hurt you. This book has received much national attention. I read an article in USA Today favorably reporting on this book. I also caught the radio program, Talk of the Nation, on National Public Radio in which this book was featured. I highly recommend this thoughtful and helpful book.

Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves, at other times we need to forgive others. Easier said that done - yes! However, each of us does posses the inate ability to forgive if we choose to make use of that special blessing. As a counsellor, I have counselled many victims of domestic violence, child abuse and family tragedies. It is important to remember one is not forgiving simply for the benefit of the person who has committed an injustice; one is forgiving as part of the process of healing. Only by coming to terms with the demons of the past can one truly heal and build a future. The reasons and means of forgiving are contained in this wonderful book.

Enright is not a person talking in terms of one who has been there and done that, nor does he speak in a condescending tone which implies, "this worked for me, so this will work for everyone." "Forgiveness is a Choice" is written by a professional who is both a psychologist and professor. An unforgiving person can be a difficult, over-bearing, often impossible person do live with on a day-to-day basis. The biggest challenge may be to get them to read the book in the first place, but if you do, the excellent advice found here is bound to hit home and could well begin the healing process. The book is most deserving of a five-star rating and highly recommended.

I have read at least 30 books on forgiveness and have to say this one is in the top three. The process of forgiving is clearly outlined and you are gently encouraged to walk through it. Enright provides suggestions for journaling, including sending you back to reveiw your progress in the process.

The examples he uses are realistic and constructive, everything from children of divorced parents to parents of murdered children. Most of the examples show how the person felt during the different stages of forgiving.

Although Enright does mention God and even suggests journaling your belief, he doesn't emphasize that God can help us walk through the forgiveness process. That would be my only criticism.

If you really want to get over your anger, this book would help you go a long way toward your goal.

After reading online reviews of multiple forgiveness books, I decided on this one when I was going through a traumatic time in my life. Since this is the only one I read, I have nothing to compare it to. But I read this book cover to cover and found it to be effective in my forgiveness journey.

The book deals a lot with the overall process of forgiveness and there are very specific journal exercises one must do throughout the book. I diligently did all the writing exercises, even though I thought some of the questions were repetitive. And in doing so, you really get to the root of what you are feeling and how to deal with all the emotions you have.

Almost two years later, having completely forgiven the person who hurt me the most, I went back and read those writing exercises. I could literally see the progress over time, how my perspective and feelings changed as I came to terms with what happened, and slowly but surely forgave and moved on. Since there are a lot of writing exercises to work through, this book requires time and patience to complete. But then again, forgiving a deep hurt requires a lot of patience. I recommend.

Finally, a book has been published that actually takes the reader on a step-by-step path toward genuine forgiveness. The author has spent many years researching the most effective path in helping people forgive. All of that work has been gently and carefully distilled into this book and it shows. The gist of forgiving is this: First, you must acknowledge that someone hurt you deeply. Sometimes that hurt can turn to anger and the anger can actually bring down the one who is and remains angry. The reader is asked to examine how angry he or she is at the offending person. Next, comes the courageous act of committing to forgive the other person. This involves a truthful look at what forgiveness is and what it is not. Then comes the work of forgiveness: trying to see the offender in new, more helpful ways (without compromising the truth of what happened). From these exercises, the reader becomes open to feelings of empathy and compassion toward the offender. Such emotions can be greatly beneficial to the one who forgives. The reader is encouraged to accept the pain of the injury so that the pain and bitterness are not spread to others. Other healing steps are included. Throughout the book, the author challenges the reader to keep a journal to reflect on the healing process of forgiveness. What gave me confidence is that the author has actually researched the effectiveness of his approach and has shown it to work. I could not put the book down. Very highly recommended.

I was looking for a book to help me through the forgiveness process. I bought this book ("Forgiveness is a Choice" by R.D. Enright) based on the excellent reviews. After reading this book twice and working through each exercise at least one, I find myself extremely disappointed.

The writing was fairly clear and concise. Enright provides many relevant examples throughout the book. The exercises promote thought and reflection with well-defined guidelines.

Ultimately, I felt the topic was not addressed adequately. The majority of the text focused on choosing forgiveness (hence the title) as an option to reduce depression and anxiety. Most of the exercises explored feelings of shame and guilt as associated with anger. After estimating the amount of energy devoted to angers and frustrations, readers are asked to consider forgiveness as a means to reduce their angers/frustrations.

All too much of this book is spent trying to convince the reader that forgiveness is a feasible, agreeable option. Far too little is spent on the actual process of "release" (i.e., forgiveness). I felt it was too general to be truly helpful.

I felt the book "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" by Thich Nhat Hanh was much more helpful regarding the transformation of anger.

Doesn't preach, doesn't nag, doesn't lay on the guilt. Just lays the foundation for people to work at their own pace to find forgiveness to untenable situations. I didn't have to allow my stepmother to keep hurting me to forgive her. Although the family's situation has not changed, I have. After reading this book, 35 years of anger and pain have been lifted off my shoulders, and my self-esteem has improved immensely. That Dr. Enright is a licensed psychologist and not a "self-help guru" gives me confidence that his approach will continue to work in the future. He should have his own forgiveness program on PBS.

The reader from Los Angeles couldn't have put it better when he/she wrote, "'Forgiveness Is A Choice' is the only self-help book on forgiveness you'll ever need." You will not be able to put this book down! It is well written and based on scientific principles (The dust jacket of the book says that the author has been a leader in the scientific study of forgiveness and its effects since 1985). I found it to be thought provoking and easy to follow. The author skillfully leads the readers toward improved psychological, emotional, and physical health by providing them with a deeper understanding of forgiveness and teaching them how to achieve a state of genuine forgiveness. Reading this book, engaging in thoughtful reflection and participating in the journaling exercises has helped me to release anger, have a greater sense of inner peace, and experience a renewed hope. This book has much to offer and can be enjoyed by a wide variety of people!

I would recommend this book to anyone who thinks they have an issue with someone that is too big to ever forgive. I was just part way into the book, and its concepts immediately had a transforming effect on me and my anger. It gave me such a different way to look at things, which I'm grateful for. Anger eats us up more than the other person, and it destroys relationships. Read this book if you can't get over your anger towards someone!

Truly an awesome explanation of what forgiveness is and is not. I had harbored resentment for years and my husband and I were actually separated when I ordered this book as a last resort. I accomplished more through this book than I would have in months of counseling. In just a few weeks, I worked through all of the assignments and my heart was completely changed once I was able to take the step of forgiveness. My husband and I are back together and better than ever. Yay! We will celebrate our 28th anniversary this month.