The Forgiveness Myth, a bold, ground-breaking book, refutes the notion that those who have been hurt cannot recover their inner peace and happiness unless and until they forgive. For centuries, forgiveness has been assumed to be the only legitimate way to recover from interpersonal hurts. Yet millions are either unable or unwilling to forgive, including many who have gone through divorce, suffered abuse, or are in recovery or therapy. Countless individuals who have suffered discrimination due to their sexuality, race, religion, or ethnicity also resist or reject forgiving. And many who aren t able to forgive themselves are prisoners of unresolved feelings of guilt, regret, or shame. The Forgiveness Myth explains why forgiving doesn t always work and what readers can do instead to reclaim their peace and happiness. There are times when forgiving works very well, and times when an alternative approach will be more effective. Readers are encouraged to choose what works best for them.
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Editorial Reviews
Review
The Forgiveness Myth is a gem. In forty years of clinical practice, I have been searching for a book that explores the dilemmas of, and illuminates alternatives to, forgiveness. It is clear, well reasoned, respectful and inspiring, and full of excellent tools and strategies for hope and healing. --Ruth Ackerman, Ph.D.
About the Author
Gary Egeberg is an author, educator, and former California state prison chaplain. With an extensive background in recovery, addiction studies, and interfaith spirituality, he works with individuals who are struggling to break free from past hurts and regrets so that they can create a new path in life. A popular speaker, Gary facilitates workshops, retreats, and seminars throughout the country on a variety of topics.
Wayne Raiter, M.A., LICSW, has been a therapist in private practice for more than thirty years. He has worked successfully with hundreds of divorcees and abuse victims, along with chemically dependent individuals and their families. Wayne was the executive director of the Judson Family Center and Lakewood Counseling, and clinical director of the recovery movement s pioneering organization, The Johnson Institute. He is currently the head of Executive Care, Inc., a clinical and consulting firm.
Wayne Raiter, M.A., LICSW, has been a therapist in private practice for more than thirty years. He has worked successfully with hundreds of divorcees and abuse victims, along with chemically dependent individuals and their families. Wayne was the executive director of the Judson Family Center and Lakewood Counseling, and clinical director of the recovery movement s pioneering organization, The Johnson Institute. He is currently the head of Executive Care, Inc., a clinical and consulting firm.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A tremendous book that allows you to process the confusing feelings of forgiving,
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This review is from: The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't or Won't Forgive (Paperback)
Why is it so difficult to forgive a hurt done to you? And if forgiveness is beneficial to the one forgiving, why doesn't it happen much easier? You'll get the answers to these questions in Gary Egeberg's book, "The Forgiveness Myth."
There is much to consider in the act of forgiving that most of us do not even question. And yet many of us just swallow our feelings and "make nice" with our offender when really we just end up being disingenuous, and we suffer the inner conflicts of guilt, shame, self-criticism and blame. "The Forgiveness Myth" allowed me to examine my inner processes and freed me from the need to forgive because it's just not the time. The book doesn't justify holding a grudge, but what it does is release the confusing feelings that make the act of forgiving a requirement to move on with your life. Thankfully forgiving is not a requirement. I am confident that in time I will end up forgiving the person who hurt me, but I feel relieved of the pressure to do so since I'm not ready. Understanding the dynamics of forgiveness that are so clearly written in "The Forgiveness Myth" helped me move on, and this book will definitely help you, too. ** An additional note to therapists - I urge you to add this book to your collection of resources. Please don't advocate forgiveness to your clients unless you read this book first. A good therapist will have the ability to meet their client where they are, then go from there. If your client is not ready, willing or simply cannot forgive the wrong that was done to them, there is a reason. "The Forgiveness Myth" will help you understand your client in a way you probably never considered.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A top pick for self-help collections,
By Midwest Book Review (Oregon, WI USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't or Won't Forgive (Paperback)
Forgiveness - to bury the proverbial hatchet with someone who has seriously wronged you in the past. Many say it's the best way to start to heal strained relationships. "The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on And Be Happy Again When You Can't - or Won't - Forgive" disagrees with this notion and states that refusal to forgive is something that's healthy and happens to many people - and that forgiveness isn't guaranteed to work anyway. Instead it outlines situations where forgiveness would actually be a bad idea, and outlines alternatives to heal your emotions and to focus on yourself rather than the one who has wronged you - and how to forgive yourself for not forgiving others. "The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on And Be Happy Again When You Can't - or Won't - Forgive" is a top pick for self-help collections and anyone who is torn inside due to their spite for another.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
If you're divorced - buy this book for help!,
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This review is from: The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't or Won't Forgive (Paperback)
In July divorced 4 years yet still blamed myself for a 30+ year marriage ending. He decided he wanted out of being a husband, father, and if I didn't have multiple schlerois things might have been different. I guess my bitching about what he did or didn't do annoyed him, and he also didn't have patience with me walking slow, needing help,and using a cane. After reading this book I realized it was okay not to forgive him. It was me I had to forgive-I did not ask for this disease. I can't forgive him for breaking my heart, but have forgiven myself for being dealt with a 56 year old that wants to act like his 26 year old son.
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Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
While we will be among the first to admit that forgiving is a wonderful ideal, we will both readily concede that in most cases neither one of us is overly enthused about the possibility of forgiving after being hurt. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
being happy again, forgiveness myth, healthy adult power, forgiveness obstacles, healthy remorse, making peace with the past, fresh start right, upsetting thoughts, particular hurt, hurtful choices, religious rigidity, redirect your energy, shame game, hurtful behavior Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Forgiveness Myth, Set Aside, Major Forgiveness Obstacles, Planet Offender, Forget Forgiving-at Least Temporarily, Planet Shame, Planet Remorse, Planet My New Life, Won't-Forgive Yourself, Pleasant Memories, Alcoholics Anonymous, New York, Six Common Reasons Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
While we will be among the first to admit that forgiving is a wonderful ideal, we will both readily concede that in most cases neither one of us is overly enthused about the possibility of forgiving after being hurt. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
being happy again, forgiveness myth, healthy adult power, forgiveness obstacles, healthy remorse, making peace with the past, fresh start right, upsetting thoughts, particular hurt, hurtful choices, religious rigidity, redirect your energy, shame game, hurtful behavior Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
The Forgiveness Myth, Set Aside, Major Forgiveness Obstacles, Planet Offender, Forget Forgiving-at Least Temporarily, Planet Shame, Planet Remorse, Planet My New Life, Won't-Forgive Yourself, Pleasant Memories, Alcoholics Anonymous, New York, Six Common Reasons Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
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