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The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on and Be Happy Again When You Can't or Won't Forgive

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Why is it so difficult to forgive a hurt done to you? And if forgiveness is beneficial to the one forgiving, why doesn't it happen much easier? You'll get the answers to these questions in Gary Egeberg's book, "The Forgiveness Myth."

There is much to consider in the act of forgiving that most of us do not even question. And yet many of us just swallow our feelings and "make nice" with our offender when really we just end up being disingenuous, and we suffer the inner conflicts of guilt, shame, self-criticism and blame.

"The Forgiveness Myth" allowed me to examine my inner processes and freed me from the need to forgive because it's just not the time. The book doesn't justify holding a grudge, but what it does is release the confusing feelings that make the act of forgiving a requirement to move on with your life. Thankfully forgiving is not a requirement. I am confident that in time I will end up forgiving the person who hurt me, but I feel relieved of the pressure to do so since I'm not ready. Understanding the dynamics of forgiveness that are so clearly written in "The Forgiveness Myth" helped me move on, and this book will definitely help you, too.

** An additional note to therapists - I urge you to add this book to your collection of resources. Please don't advocate forgiveness to your clients unless you read this book first. A good therapist will have the ability to meet their client where they are, then go from there. If your client is not ready, willing or simply cannot forgive the wrong that was done to them, there is a reason. "The Forgiveness Myth" will help you understand your client in a way you probably never considered.

Forgiveness - to bury the proverbial hatchet with someone who has seriously wronged you in the past. Many say it's the best way to start to heal strained relationships. "The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on And Be Happy Again When You Can't - or Won't - Forgive" disagrees with this notion and states that refusal to forgive is something that's healthy and happens to many people - and that forgiveness isn't guaranteed to work anyway. Instead it outlines situations where forgiveness would actually be a bad idea, and outlines alternatives to heal your emotions and to focus on yourself rather than the one who has wronged you - and how to forgive yourself for not forgiving others. "The Forgiveness Myth: How to Heal Your Hurts, Move on And Be Happy Again When You Can't - or Won't - Forgive" is a top pick for self-help collections and anyone who is torn inside due to their spite for another.

In July divorced 4 years yet still blamed myself for a 30+ year marriage ending. He decided he wanted out of being a husband, father, and if I didn't have multiple schlerois things might have been different. I guess my bitching about what he did or didn't do annoyed him, and he also didn't have patience with me walking slow, needing help,and using a cane. After reading this book I realized it was okay not to forgive him. It was me I had to forgive-I did not ask for this disease. I can't forgive him for breaking my heart, but have forgiven myself for being dealt with a 56 year old that wants to act like his 26 year old son.

This book looks at forgiveness in a new light. The thought provoking questions helped me see that forgiving isn't the only answer. It helped me realize that my needs are more important than those of the offender.

A balanced perspective on a very emotional subject.

Until I read this book, I didn't see the inner struggle that I had regarding forgiveness.