Forgiving the Unforgivable: Overcoming the Bitter Legacy of Intimate Wounds [Paperback]

Beverly Flanigan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 1994

"A clearheaded study of what life can do to us and possible ways to begin again." --Carl A. Whitaker, M.D., author of Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist and coauthor of The Family Crucible Women and men who have been deeply hurt by someone they love often experience a pain that spirals out to undermine their work, relationships, self-esteem, and even their sense of reality. In Forgiving the Unforgivable, author Beverly Flanigan, a leading authority on forgiveness, defines such unforgivable injuries, explains their poisonous effects, and then guides readers out of the paralyzing anger and resentment. As a Fellow of the Kellogg Foundation, Flanigan conducted a pioneering study of forgiveness, and from that study, from her clinical practice, and from her many years of teaching, researching, and conducting professional workshops and seminars, she devised a unique six-stage program, presented here. Filled with inspiring real-life examples, Forgiving the Unforgivable is both a practical and a comforting guide to recovery and healing.

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

"A clearheaded study of what life can do to us and possible ways to begin again." —Carl A. Whitaker, M.D., author of Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist and coauthor of The Family Crucible Women and men who have been deeply hurt by someone they love often experience a pain that spirals out to undermine their work, relationships, self-esteem, and even their sense of reality. In Forgiving the Unforgivable, author Beverly Flanigan, a leading authority on forgiveness, defines such unforgivable injuries, explains their poisonous effects, and then guides readers out of the paralyzing anger and resentment. As a Fellow of the Kellogg Foundation, Flanigan conducted a pioneering study of forgiveness, and from that study, from her clinical practice, and from her many years of teaching, researching, and conducting professional workshops and seminars, she devised a unique six-stage program, presented here. Filled with inspiring real-life examples, Forgiving the Unforgivable is both a practical and a comforting guide to recovery and healing.

About the Author

Beverly Flanigan, M.S.S.W., is a clinical professor at the school of Social Work, University of Wisconsin, and a therapist in private practice specializing in forgiveness.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Wiley (June 1, 1994)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0020322305
• ISBN-13: 978-0020322306
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.7 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #325,424 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Feeling the freedom, February 16, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Forgiving the Unforgivable: Overcoming the Bitter Legacy of Intimate Wounds (Paperback)

This book has been very helpful to me. I needed the release of forgiving my husband not so that he could feel better but so that I could. The book describes how I felt and gave explanations of the stages I had gone through and would be going through. There is a prescribed journey to the goal of forgiving which I seemed to need to get me out of the anger which was eating me up. The concrete steps I could take made the trip easier. There is a chart I found particularly important because it is understandable to a linear thinker like my husband.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This book was a big help to me., July 25, 2001

By 

"lezdrum" (Rochester, NY United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Forgiving the Unforgivable: Overcoming the Bitter Legacy of Intimate Wounds (Paperback)

My relationship of 3 1/2 years recently ended when my partner left me for another woman. I had no warning that this was coming and was devastated by the abrupt ending. I had foolishly believed that we were both happy. Because I am a believer in attitudinal healing I wanted to be able to forgive. But I was just so hurt and so angry that I couldn't find my way to the forgiveness that would bring back my peace of mind. Then I found this book. It started out by validating all of the feelings that I had ... and explaining how I had lost much more than just the relationship. It then offered practical advice and case studies to help get through the 6 steps for forgiveness. If I had not read this book, I would still be in a much darker place right now. I highly recommend it to those of you suffering from intimate woulds and unforgivable offenses.

28 of 34 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Jargon, jargon, jargon., October 24, 1999

By A Customer

This review is from: Forgiving the Unforgivable: Overcoming the Bitter Legacy of Intimate Wounds (Paperback)

Flanigan's book seems to address those who have been injured on a deep level and must go through a series of exercises in order to "name the injurer", "claim the injury", "identify the injury," etc. If you have suffered a horrific injury (especially as a child) and are unsure of how to come to terms with reclaiming your life, this may be the book for you. Flanigan defines "unforgivable" injuries as those which compromise our well-being, self-esteem and general trust in others. If you have suffered a different type of injury, such as betrayal or deceit, I recommend any of Smedes' books to navigate your way through the forgiving process. Good luck!