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Forty Beads: The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage Paperback – April 26, 2011

4.2 out of 5 stars 72 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Kirkus, 4/1/11
A creative catalyst for remedying an ailing sex life. When Evans was facing a particularly arduous period in her marriage, she knew she needed to do something to reignite her love life. She decided to offer her husband sex on a daily basis for 40 straight days, marking each one off with the drop of a Venetian bead into a mason jar. Thus was born the Forty Beads Method, an approach that “assumes a disparity that often exists between the male and female libidos and offers a way to close the gap.” Evans’ observations about sex and marriage and advice for other couples who want to try this at home are laced with attention-grabbing anecdotes and humor. When she explained her plan to her husband, she writes, he "looked at me as if I were Venus, the Goddess of Love, sailing into the bedroom on a clamshell." But she makes unsubstantiated and sweeping generalizations about men throughout the text, most notably in "Sex: The Deal," in which she writes, “Men love sex and for most of them, it’s their favorite thing in the whole world.” She employs limited scientific evidence to justify her oversimplified views. And while the author invites homosexuals to try this method, she fails to suggest any possible modifications to the heterosexual approach to her program. Also includes guidelines for creating a supportive community of Beaders. For women who need help dealing with the sexual power struggles of their relationship.

Kim Barnouin, Co-Author of The New York Times #1 Bestseller Skinny Bitch
"Forty Beads made me laugh out loud and take notes.  Going on 10 years of marriage, I could totally relate to this book.  I read it at just the right time, and my husband will be indebted to Carolyn Evans for her wisdom for many years. A must read for all women."

Fiftyisthenewforty.net, May 2011
“With a keen sense of humor entirely devoid of snarky or resentful undertones, Evans makes it crystal clear that the key difference between men and women is that “men have to have sex to feel close, and conversely, a woman has to feel close to her husband to want to have sex with him.”  Bingo.”

 

About the Author

Carolyn Evans, MSW developed The Forty Beads Method quite by accident, but when it changed her marriage in such an incredible way, she just had to share it with everyone. A singer/songwriter and former therapist, Carolyn writes for Skirt! Magazine and spends time meeting with her fellow “Beaders” as she supports the growing Forty Beads nation.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 214 pages
  • Publisher: Running Press (April 26, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0762439289
  • ISBN-13: 978-0762439287
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.6 x 7.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.3 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (72 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #75,165 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

About Carolyn Evans

Carolyn Evans, author of Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage, is writing this book because she just has to tell you. .Because she hopes that The Forty Beads Method -- a method she developed quite by accident -- just might change your marriage and your life in the same profoundly positive way that it has changed her life and the lives of other women who've tried it.

Before stumbling across The Forty Beads Method, Evans was an aspiring singer/songwriter who recorded two records and performed regularly with her band. She continues to write songs -- mainly country music, but hung up the late-night performing grind in favor of achieving a healthy circadian rhythm and a happy home life. These days Evans spends her time meeting with women -- both online and in person -- who are using the Forty Beads Method as she supports the growing Forty Beads Community. Evans majored in psychology at the University of the South and holds a master's in social work degree from the University of Georgia. She lives in Charleston, South Carolina with her husband, two children and their big black Lab.

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I saw Carolyn on the TODAY show and thought she was funny and real and that the book sounded interesting, so I bought it. I was not disappointed... this book was so true to my life it was almost uncanny. I adore my husband, we have great sex when we have it... but it always seems like he's groping me and hounding me for it and I'm looking for a reason to avoid it. The more he hounds and gropes, the more I avoid--and the madder I get. Nobody wins.

So I read this book. And I got some beads. And then... I did nothing for six months. The beads sat on a shelf collecting dust. I was terrified to give them to my husband, because I just knew he was going to engage in what Evans calls "obsessive bead dropping", which wouldn't really help the situation. For some reason those damned beads taunted me, though, so for our anniversary I decided to give him the beads. I'll be honest--it wasn't the most gracious of gifts. I basically told him that if he abused the beads I'd just take them back and the deal would be off. (I think that's against the rules, but I needed my little escape clause.)

But a funny thing happened. He didn't get obsessive or abuse the beads AT ALL. He was always a great guy--the ONE thing that bugged me was the groping/begging... and it STOPPED. Almost immediately. Suddenly instead of avoiding all talk about sex, we were laughing about it together. He'd drop a bead in my bowl and swagger around the place like some kind of king or cowboy--which of course made me laugh, which makes me love him even more.

If you're hesitant to try this method, what do you have to lose? If sex is an issue in your marriage, you're probably sick of talking and arguing about it. The beads take that pressure off, and make sex fun again. Take it from someone who was genuinely afraid to get started, and now actually looks forward to hearing the "plink!" of a bead in my bead catcher.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I bought this book as a Pastor who is always looking for helpful ways to improve marriages. Sex is one of those ways. (Yes the Bible does say that sex is not only for procreation but also for pleasure. There is a whole Book in the Bible dedicated to the subject of sex between a husband and wife called "The Song Of Solomon" Also read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 along with many Proverbs on the subject).

The book agrees with the Bible that husbands and wives should not withhold sex from each other. I think the Forty Beads method is a helpful way to see that that doesn't happen. It is helpful especially for the wives to get them to the place where they are ready to respond sexually (they have a 24 hour window from the time the husband puts the bead in the cup). So the overall message is very good.

However, the one issue I had with the book, (and it is an important one) is the vulgar language that Carol Evans uses. It was totally unnecessary. It didn't add anything to the book, it detracted from it. I could never recommend this book to the wives in our church because of it. I think Carol Evans made a mistake by using the vulgar language because whether you agree with the use of such language or not, people will not buy the book because it is in there, but they may not buy the book because it is in there. I would recommend that if Carol Evans ever updates the book that she leave the language out. She just may sell more books and the book will have a bit more class.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
A few years ago I learned that my husband's love language (The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman) was "physical touch". Well, apparently it's most guys love language. I knew that I needed to "speak" his love language in order to make hime feel loved,satisfied, fulfilled, etc., but with 3 young kids this is not easy to do. I read "Forty Beads" and thought it was hilarious and entertaining, but also simple and something I could handle. So, I decided to give my husband 40 Beads for his birthday and give it a shot. He was thrilled to say the least. We have been "beading" for a few months now and it has greatly improved our sex life and more importantly ignited our marriage. I find myself wanting to please him, and in turn he wants to please me by helping out around the house, the kids, etc., and that's why I say it's a Win Win! He's happy, she's bappy. I wouldn't call it a game as other readers have, it's just a fun way to let each other know your in the mood!
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Format: Paperback
I bought this book for my kindle after hearing about it on the Today show. I read the excerpt online and found it funny and truthful and was intrigued to learn about the Forty Beads Method. I know it takes two for there to be a lack of sex in a marriage and I was excited to be taking a step to try to improve things. We've been married eleven years with two kids (one being an infant) and I was sold on the idea of feeling more connected by getting our sex life back on track. Not only was I seriously disappointed, I feel like the book made us take a step backwards. (It put me in a serious funk where I started to doubt and question what I knew to be true about our relationship. My husband read excerpts and told me to quit reading it.)

I started the book all motivated and inspired and within the first third of it, I felt totally defeated and reprimanded as the author implied again and again that our lack of sex was mostly my fault. It's my fault because I'm not made like a man (who becomes the stereotypical football-loving, beer-guzzling, sex-maniac the media loves) and because I do things like raise children. At the end of the day she says I deal a soul-crushing blow to my husband by choosing to floss instead of have sex. What world does she live in? Her personal situation - which includes a much more broken-down marriage than I can relate to - is projected onto every one of her readers - to the point where she even says, "Do I sound like I know what I'm talking about? I've had some experience with this, and chances are, you have, too." I really should have listened to the review that mentions the lack of evidence and research to back up her wildly "hilarious" and exaggerated claims. If you want to hear that your husband craves sex 24 hours a day and will eventually hate you and leave you if you don't quit "snapping your legs together," then by all means buy this book.
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