Freezer Burn [Hardcover]

Joe R. Lansdale (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: September 1, 1999

Bills got his problems. Hes not overly bright, has no means of support, and lives with his dead mom whose social security checks might stop coming if anyone else finds out. Rescued from certain doom by a cut-rate traveling freak show, Bill exploits his hideous new looks to evade police and blend in with his new comrades.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Professional loser Bill Roberts's mother has died, and if he buries her he'll lose her pension checks, which he's also afraid to cash. Out of money and food, he joins two idiot friends and concocts a robbery of a neighboring firecracker stand. They botch the job and flee into the swamps, where Bill escapes, his face so swollen with mosquito bites that John Frost, manager of a traveling carnival and freak show, takes him in. Frost is married to the gorgeous, blonde Gidget, a virtual sex-machine and the most desirable woman Bill has ever seen. Bill is soon immersed in a world of freaks, where he makes friends with Conrad the Wonder Dog and U.S. Grant, the bearded lady, and quickly becomes embroiled with Gidget in a Double Indemnity-style plot to kill Frost and take over the business. Lansdale outdoes himself in rendering sophomoric sexual fantasy and graphic, stomach-turning passages of lurid behavior. There's also an inordinate amount of concern with penile size, bouncing breasts and tiny jeans shorts. As protagonist, Bill is not as much a hero as victim of circumstance, a man who "everywhere he turned is socked by the mallet of stupidity." But at the story's climax, Lansdale reveals Bill to be a true sucker, and unfortunately, readers may not be sympathetic to or appreciative of his folly. The details of East Texas swamps and forests seem on target, although the humor often misfires with overloaded similes and strained attempts to be outrageous. Still, this a page-turner suitable for bus or beach and for anyone with a predilection for tacky raunchiness and a yen for what teenagers call "gross-outs." (Sept.) FYI: Lansdale is the winner of the British Fantasy Award, the American Horror Award and five Bram Stoker Awards from the Horror Writers of America. He has written or edited 31 books, including 16 novels.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

While not dumber than a fence post, Bill Roberts is not noticeably smarter either. When his mother dies abruptly, Bill douses her remains with cologne, swathes the whole in plastic bags, and hopes that he can continue to cash her social security checks. His next brainstorm involves recruiting two buddies to rob a fireworks stand. During the holdup and its aftermath, the storeowner is shot, one of the accomplices gets a Roman candle lodged in his brain, and the other is bitten to death by water moccasins. Bill ends up as part of a traveling freak show, where he gets acquainted with a pair of African American Siamese twins, the Dog Man, and the Ice Man, a shadowy presence and the show's star attraction. This menagerie is presided over by a benevolent beardless Santa Claus whose curvaceous wife uses her manifold charms to persuade Bill that they ought to murder her husband. The irrepressible Lansdale (Rumble Tumble) continues to amuse and astonish with his outrageous storytelling. Definitely not for the squeamish, but highly recommended for those who enjoy the worm in their mezcal.ABob Lunn, Kansas City P.L., MO
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Mysterious Press; First Edition edition (September 1, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 089296703X
• ISBN-13: 978-0892967032
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,559,359 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over thirty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in eighteen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Hotep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror." He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Lansdale retells 'Freaks' as a comic roman noir., October 22, 2001

By 

Chadwick H. Saxelid "Bookworm" (Concord, CA United States) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Freezer Burn (Mass Market Paperback)

Bill Roberts is a laconic and none to smart loser that decides to rob a firecracker stand just across the street because his mother is now dead and stinking up the place and he cannot get the nerve up to forge her social security checks to get the money, which he is just about out of. With two cohorts helping him out, the robbery goes well for about two seconds. Then things go south in a hurry. Four corpses later, poor Bill stumbles out of the swamp and into a traveling carnival Freakshow run by a kind hearted man with a hand growing out of his chest and his femme fatale wife. Hoping to hide out until things cool down in the real world, Bill takes a job there and waits for the proper angles to present themselves. Gidget, the blonde bombshell wife of the show's owner, has some plans of her own as well as some very nice angles to get them done.

Freezer Burn is largely a retelling of the film 'Freaks' as a comedic roman noir. Chock full of unsavory characters that view humane behavior as stupid and weak, this is certainly not a novel for all tastes. Longtime Lansdale fans will be delighted to see him brush up on his darker roots, the ones responsible for The Nightrunners and the black as tar noir nightmare The Night They Skipped the Horror Show. Others used to the trace of nobility found in his most recent work will wonder why he wasted his time telling the tale of such an unlikable sociopath anti-hero. Being a nearly twenty year Lansdale addict I heartily recommend to his longtime fans as well as to those who just like dark hearted noir with a goofball twist.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of my Favorite Lansdale Books, March 19, 2000

By 

D. Read "Maximumdread" (GA USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Freezer Burn (Hardcover)

I'm sorry that a lot of folks have not liked this book, but I have to respectfully disagree. I've been reading Joe for twelve years, and to me "Freezer Burn" harkens back to his pre- Hap and Leonard days. Old school Lansdale. (Don't get me wrong--I'm a big fan of the Hap and Leonard books.)

This lean and mean story is Flannery O'Connor trapped in a James M. Cain novel (though I'm not the first person to make the Flannery O'Connor/James M. Cain comparison--I read an interview in which Lansdale says basically the same thing.) The story is sort of an homage to a certain kind of book. If you're not a fan of Charles Willeford or James M. Cain or pre-Scudder Lawrence Block, then you might not catch the literary reference/homage that I think Lansdale is making.

The story is predictable, but that's not the point. This is your standard hapless-loser-with-a-streak-of-bad-luck-is-seduced-and-used-by-a-beautiful-woman-to-kill-her-husband-and-the-whole-thing-goes-bad story. I don't think I just spoiled the story for anyone because the book does not try to hide it's traditional plot structure. There have been a million of these stories.

A previous reviewer here has already pointed this fact out: Lansdale's novels are not about intricate plots with subtle hints and clues and red herrings and twists that keep you guessing all the time. (If you're in need of that, might I suggest Lawrence Block's Scudder novels.) Joe's novels are about the characters, like them or not, and doing new things within traditional pulp-like plot structures.

What makes this book great is the fun that Lansdale has with the traditional form. In that old-school Lansdale way, the characters are over the top ridiculous, often repulsive, sad, and laughable at the same time. Yet, also in that Lansdale way, they are all too human, and real. The situations and settings are classic Lansdale, bringing me back to many stories from "By Bizarre Hands" and the "Drive In" novels.

Finally, some people were displeased because the main character is not a likable guy. It is true, he is not. But this did not bother me. A protaganist, for me, does not have to be likable--just compelling. Look at Charles Willeford's classic, "High Priest of California"--a favorite of mine. The protagonist, Russell Haxby, is a complete a$$hole. But I love that book. (The a$$hole protagonist is a favorite device of Willefords.)

Anyway, this is a long-winded review, but this is a great Lansdale book that has obviously not given all of his fans what they were hoping for, but I love it just the same.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very Odd Mixture, But Ultimately Vintage Lansdale, January 29, 2001

By 

Craig Larson (Maple Grove, MN USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Freezer Burn (Mass Market Paperback)

I wasn't sure what to think of _Freezer Burn_ when I started it. The characters were just a bit too wild to really register.

Then, about the time the protagonist, Bill, realizes that he's starting to have unusual feelings (love, friendship) for Conrad the Wonder Dog, and Frost, the leader of a small freakshow he's hooked up with following a botched robbery, I realized that I was starting to feel all warm inside, too.

It takes a great writer to create a character like Bill--someone you'd normally cross the street to avoid--and make you care about what happens to him. I know that other reviewers didn't feel the same way, but I was right there, rooting for the poor guy the whole way.

If anything, the downbeat, noirish finale, which I should have seen coming, came as a bit of a surprise, even though we've all seen this a thousand times before (think _Double Indemnity_ or _Body Heat_).

Heck, I would have been happy just following Bill's adventures with the freakshow for a few more hundred pages. I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it highly, though it's obviously not for all tastes.