Customer Reviews

French or Foe?: Getting the Most Out of Visiting, Living and Working in France

5 star:		(40)
4 star:		(20)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(9)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I bought this book before we moved to France in 2004. The only edition I could find was the 2nd one. Granted, the new 3rd edition has come out, which I hope contains some corrections, but in the 2nd edition (written in the late 1990s) lists Mitterand as the President (still!) and Jaques Chirac as the Mayor of Paris. Considering this had changed several years before the 2nd edition came out, it made me question what other outdated information was in the book.

When I first read through the book, I thought it was excellent. I honestly thought it was going to prepare me for life in Paris. It certainly freaked me out completely, and I thought for sure we were going to be completely lost in this "proper" world with rallyes, snobby dinner parties, and having to forge close relationships with the cashiers at our local grocery store.

Our son attends Maternelle, which is where Polly Platt says a "rigorous and demanding" education begins. Not true!! I was actually afraid to send him to a school where teachers would talk down to him and force him to sit still for hours. Instead, his teacher is the sweetest woman, and the children spend their days painting, learning songs, reading, and playing. . .much like an American pre-school. In addition, whenever my son says "Bonjour Madame" to a woman in the store or on the street, they are always surprised, and quick to praise both of us. It is not something that is common, and children at the age of 2 (unlike stated in the book) do not usually do this.

After living in France for two years, I picked this book back up, and was frustrated with the poor advice. Polly Platt truly envisions herself as part of the upper crust of Parisian society, and most of her advice is ridiculous, at best.

I was teaching English at a local school, and tried to use the phrases Polly Platt has scattered around her book, such as "mal élevé" and "bien élevé." I was greeted with blank stares from my students who understood the words, but didn't quite grasp the concept. It wasn't an automatic given, as Ms. Platt likes to make it seem. Furthermore, on the playground, children come up to my son (a "stranger") and ask to play with him all the time -- something Ms. Platt claims will never happen due to the French pressures to be "bien élevé"

I gave the book two stars, because some of the advice is true. The French do have to be handled carefully, but most of this is common sense. Many Americans do not travel frequently, but one of the first international destinations on everyone's list is Paris. It can be disorienting to a traveler to come into a new culture, and I think this is why a lot of the misunderstandings occur. The rules aren't the same, but they are in no way as strict as is made out in "French or Foe." Nor should travelers be in the habit of rudely demanding anything from anyone, no matter where they go. I would say to the majority of people, this is common sense.

I have never shaken hands with a French person, unless I was the one who initiated it. Even in places of business, you will find people doing "la bise." One (French) friend of mine even took to feigning constant colds to get out of doing "la bise" with one of her co-workers who she didn't like all that much. I'm sure there are many situations where this is not appropriate, but it is very doubtful the average American coming to Paris will be shaking hands with the French all day long.

As other reviewers have already mentioned, the French make mistakes in their own language. Much like English has evolved, French is evolving. It is not spoken perfectly an precisely, especially by the younger generations. Dropping the "ne" in a negative sentance is quite common, turning "Ce n'est pas" into "C'est pas." Their language is protected with pride, but not quite as fiercly as Ms. Platt likes to claim.

All in all (because this review is now a monster), it's an okay book if you want a little overview of French culture, as well as some of the differences you might encounter here. However, take every piece of advice with a grain of salt, and remember that the majority of what is written on the pages of "French or Foe" will not be applicable to you.

As an anglo saxon with a French boyfriend, living and working in Paris, I often found myself thinking, "Oh. NOW I understand!" while reading this book. Several friends have complained about the unorganized, rambling nature of "French or Foe" but if you are like me and merely reading it to learn rather than to hunt for specific information, that shouldn't be a problem.
My biggest complaint? Platt's clear desire to impress upon all her readers the fact that she is of a certain social milieu. The name-dropping throughout begins as annoying but quickly becomes embarrassing. Yes, Polly, we are very very impressed that you know endless numbers of top-ranking foreign service people, CEOs, and all other sorts of rich and famous folk. But I, for one, would be more interested in hearing their tales mixed with some about the experiences of more 'common folk'. Also, Platt seems to assume that her readers all share her social aspirations and often wastes pages which could be used for more practical information, I was quite taken aback when she described the "Rally," which is a sort of French Cotillion where teens of the french upper crust meet other rich teens. Platt claimed that American mothers in Paris are dying to get their daughters into a good Rally, then explains the difficulty of doing so, all the while broadly hinting that her children were, of course, accepted into them. I couldn't believe it! No anglo saxon parent I've met here would give a hoot about having his or her child in a Rally. Again, I think Platt often writes for an audience who makes up a very small percentage of her readers.

28 years of teaching French, French culture, French history; 32 trips to France for business and pleasure; dear friends in Metz, Rueil-Malmaison, and Rennes; acquaintances in Toulouse and I STILL learned lots from Polly Pratt's delightful little book "French or Foe". Highly recommend to anyone travelling to France, especially for the first time, either for tourism or for business. Very important to read, re-read, then commit to memory the sections on everyday protocol. Polly's advice is right on the money. The French aren't just like Americans, but simply speak another language. There are some chasms between our values, based upon history-driven life experiences, and it is well to have an appreciation for those differences before leaving the USA. A lire! Amusez-vous, et bon voyage!

This book is a must for anyone planning to live or work in France, especially if they have school age children. after twelve visits to France, I can say with confidence that Polly Platt understands the French and explains the differences and the basis for those differences. She covers everything from business conversations to schooling, history, food, family matters and social interaction. It is not so much a How To book as much as a Why book. If going to France, read it, you'll need it.

I have lived in Paris for thirteen years, and "French or Foe" is the ONE book I recommend to all the new arrivals I meet. Yes, even those who already speak good French, which makes a lot less difference than you might think to the culture shock. That is because this book is the most directly helpful. The advice in "French or Foe" can make a real difference to your everyday happiness if you live or travel here, especially if you are having a hard time. There are few people, indeed, who could extract no useful information from this book; even they will at least have some good laughs, since the book is full of funny and usually enlightening anecdotes. My French friends who have read the French translation say they all learned something about themselves!

The fact is, some things about France will always be difficult for us "Anglo-Saxons" (as the French call all native English-speakers), no matter how assimilated. Human nature may be the same everywhere, but the basic assumptions of our two cultures are very different. I'm sure things are hard for the French in America too. But Polly Platt's book makes the hardest things easier. She gives you practical advice and clear reasons why the French behave in puzzling ways.

For example, in America if you complain to a store manager about a store employee, the employee is very likely to get into trouble, and you will certainly get an apology. In France, the store manager will try to put you in the wrong. That is because in France, it is almost impossible to fire someone, so the manager will have to live with the employee for a long time to come, and is better off antagonizing a single (foreign) customer. Therefore, if you have a complaint, you have to try to save the employee's and the manager's face, while presenting your problem as something that their expertise can help you with. This really works! And the MAGIC phrase, "Excuse me for bothering you, but I have a problem" is one of the great keys for how to get along in France. There are many of these tips in the book.

Just this week, I forgot one of "French or Foe"'s lessons and left a meeting without shaking everyone's hand. They were all visibly shocked. To the French, this is terribly bad manners. Yet of course it is not in America. I only recently discovered that it was Just Not Done to wish people here "Happy New Year" before the New Year had actually arrived! "Common sense" doesn't necessarily help when you are in a different culture. This is where "French or Foe" steps in.

Yes, the formal dinner party information may seem a bit out of date, and is perhaps irrelevant to most readers; but believe it or not, this kind of dinner party is still thriving in certain parts of Paris, and since it is exactly the kind of thing that makes Americans feel most uncomfortable, I don't think it is amiss to have a few tips on how to handle one. If nothing else, knowing the formal routine could make dinner with the boss or the friend's grandparents, or a birthday meal in a fancy restaurant, less intimidating.

The main gap in the book is probably the relative lack of information for younger people meeting the French in more casual settings. That is not the author's background. However, it's also true Americans don't tend to have as much trouble with that environment, which is more similar to their own. And those "casual" young French people often have surprisingly different ideas from the "casual" young Americans-- this book helps explain why.

I have to admit that this book is not for everyone.
It's not necessarily for young students: they are likely to meet French kids their own age who speak English and have a more international outlook, and they tend to have protective arrangements made for them before they arrive. It's not necessarily for people who live in the provinces: "French or Foe" is Paris-centered (as is France itself!). Some French people announce angrily that the France in this book is not THEIR France. Of course not! THEIR France has their own loving friends and relatives; their own native language; their own personal past; their own habits and manners learned implicitly in childhood. All advantages a foreigner does not have. The claim that their own foreign acquaintances do not have problems in France can be taken with a grain of salt: how many foreigners complain about a country to its natives, rather than to their own compatriots? No, this book is about France as experienced by Americans. (Although at least two British people whom I have met here were given "French or Foe" by the British embassy and told to read it before moving.) And it does a great job explaining things that are hard for us to understand about this wonderful country. Vive la France!

First, I found many aspects of the book interesting. I think Platt does a good job presenting the technical cultural differences between America and France. However, I think that readers should know what they are getting when they read this book.
This is for the upper class, and only addresses the concerns of the upper class and the business world. Immigrants who make up make up a significant part of the French population and yet the only space she reserves for them in her book is a xenophobic anecdote "...the guns that some immigrant ruffians of the suburbs produced to shoot at several of them recently" (at the bottom of page 140 to get it in full context). Arguably, immigrants have little to do with visiting or working in France, but then the fact that she had room to note the ruffians with guns from the suburbs is a little perplexing.
Her treatment of feminism is shocking as well. There is good evidence throughout the book that she not only condones female exploitation, but celebrates it as well.
Finally, so this review doesn't go too long, on pages 255-256 Platt expresses her classist undertone quite plainly. "...at the office you shake hands with practically everyone you see except the janitor..." who god-forbid could be an immigrant, and is definitely someone from a lower social class not deserving of recognition.
To sum up the book, I would recommend it to anyone planning business in France; I think it has some positive things to offer. However, this book is sexist and classist and I think readers should be aware of what they are reading.

French or Foe was not only an entertaining read, but it was also highly enlightening. Polly Platt provides countless examples of Americans who just couldn't grok the French, suggests how the French perceive the world and recommends ways of approaching the situation better. She covers the gamut of common situations from business meetings (e.g., the importance of shaking hands), the systeme'D, and the delicate etiquette expected during the highly coveted dinner (assume you won't see a toilet during the evening, never ask the host for the recipe, and keep quiet). THere's a wealth of French history filling out some of the more curious angles, as well as copious emphasis on core values such as education in mathematics and science. After reading this I began to understand them more and appreciated their uniqueness.

This book was recommended to me by my French teacher, who teaches a class for parents learning French at the French-American bilingual school which my daughter attends (la maitresse also recommended "Cultural Misunderstandings," written by a French anthropologist, more cultural hisory, fewer jokes. more thoughtful). I enjoyed the book, and found many interesting little "oh, that's why they do that" insights that truly delineate what cutlural dufferences are all about. Obviously the author really loves the French people, and she does poke now and then at both French and English-speaking people. I felt enlightened by some of the hints, things like how the French and Americans treat a closed door differently, the "smiling American" issue, the deflection of blame, the French school system. French parents at our child's school were divided on the book; some loved it, feeling that it explained things that to them are natural but are puzzling to American parents, others felt it was a bit condescending and didn't really understand the French. The whole part about French men and women flirting all the time was good. It wasn't until I saw a late 40s French friend flirting with an early 20s German-French young man and him flirting back that I realized this wasn't a special event for them or expected to lead to anything later on, it was simply an amusement, a fun thing to do, and it was really lovely to watch the choreography of their interaction, quite exactly as described in the book. My only big complaint: the author's descriptions of the formal dinner party seemd a bit out-of-date and stilted, not relevant for the under-60 crowd; none of the people I know in France said they ever go to parties like the one she described, and the "you are a chair" thing was a bit much. Overall, I'd certainly recommend it to someone going to France on a vacation or wanting to get to know French people.

Polly Platt can save your vacation! I am a huge fan of both of her books on getting along with the French. They have had a huge impact on my travels and my comfort level abroad--and not just in France. They start you thinking about the different mindset of the Europeans in a way that makes it easy (with minor adjustments for each country) to get along practically everywhere. I've lived in Geneva, Florence, London and Rome since reading French or Foe and Savoir Flair, as well as traveled to Paris and other parts of France, and cannot tell you the number of times her tips have gotten me out of sticky situations or helped me understand the undercurrent of a conversation in a way that others who have not read them do not. With respect for Americans at an all time low world-wide, Platt's books clue you into a way of behaving that not only will make you look "in the know," but will also reflect well on your country. A great present for anyone traveling to France, especially exchange students interested in an exclusive picture of French life and culture.

Well, call me biased. I am French, after all, and biased is one of the things this book says I am anyway ;-)

I bought "French or Foe" for my German husband with whom I am going to relocate from California to Paris in spring this year, and with all the rave about the book I had thought it might be a good preparation for him who has been to France only for a few short visits. However, I'm not so sure I'll give it to him now, after reading it myself - he might still back out. So we French lie all the time. And we all exude wafts of B.O. We are unsmiling non-English-speaking gruffians, never ever on time, can't keep our hands to ourselves, and don't even have a word for "sorry".... I was bamboozled - where did I grow up then if that is France???? And funny that none of my many non-French friends or my VERY Anglosaxon minded husband ever had any similar experience! I find the book very narrowminded, much as Polly Platt claims to really love the French. I do give her credit for recognizing some idiosyncracies that require a certain in-depth understanding of our mentality. Like, why we are very private people and why it takes us long to bond. Or why we are not too fond of hords of obnoxiously loud and unkempt tourists who don't appreciate our centuries-old culture and history. Other things she talks about are just too clichey, like our almost religious obsession with food, its ingredients, its preparation and the setting in which it is consumed. Yet other Gallic national traits go entirely unnoticed. All in all, the book is over-generalizing and over-simplifying, and I'm really not saying this because I feel my patriotic pride hurt (I did laugh heartily at certain "gotcha" descriptions, and also I have lived in Germany, the UK and US for long enough to have a bit of distance to my fellow-Frogs). But for an author who claims to have lived in France for around 30 years now, the observations are very superficial and shallow, and you can clearly tell that her experience, especially with "etiquette", dates well back to the Sixties. She says nice things, too, now and then, but only after a good fifty-page bashing, and her "but really, they aren't all that bad after all" just doesn't sound honest then. And it doesn't help either that she deliberately quotes so many negative Yankee expats statements - believe me, I know a ton of very happy campers there! So, don't make the same mistake I made, like wanting to use the book as a serious source of information, but consider it fun reading for getting your worst prejudice of Les Frogs confirmed (plus, the book is helpful if you find yourself frequently invited to a thirty people twelve-course dinner party and having to solve the dilemma of whether a lady of royal or imperial descendance may pass a door first. But if in doubt, you can also call your embassy.....). Desolee, Madame Platt!