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Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives Hardcover – October 10, 1999


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Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives + The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 287 pages
  • Publisher: Hannacroix Creek Books; 2nd edition (October 10, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1889262390
  • ISBN-13: 978-1889262390
  • Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 6.4 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,779,894 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A rewarding, sensible self-help manual for making, keeping and improving friendships, sociologist Yager's how-to takes its title from a word she coined, which refers to the way friendships change as we move through life's stages. Drawing on hundreds of interviews with adults, children, teenagers, workers and executives, she examines the challenges to friendship posed by marriage, divorce, parenthood, job changes and geographic relocation. Yager, whose 10 nonfiction books include Single in America, has distilled a morass of psychological and sociological research, including her own. Among her findings: it takes an average of three years to form a genuine friendship; women, as they advance in the corporate hierarchy, increasingly distrust workplace friendships, whereas men open up and trust these friends more; friendships can be a source of help for dysfunctional families, and for adults who had poor early relationships with parents or siblings. This primer amply supports its central message, that friends are vital to our emotional health.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

"Friendshifts" is the word that sociologist Yager (Business Protocol: How To Survive & Succeed in Business, LJ 6/15/91) invented to explain how friendships change throughout life. Drawing on her own research, Yager discusses how friendships develop and how changes such as relocation, marriage, or a new job often provoke changes in relationships. Yager sees making friends as a skill that can be learned, but she cautions that each friendship is unique, with its own rules and privileges. Arguing that shared values are more important in predicting the longevity of a friendship than shared interests, Yager gives practical advice on how to nurture new friendships, maintain old friendships, salvage shaky friendships, and terminate destructive ones. Friendships at work, friendships with relatives, and ethnic, racial, and gender friendship patterns are also covered. Throughout, Yager ably demonstrates how friends can improve the quality of our lives, enhance our self-esteem, provide encouragement, and compensate for family defects. Well recommended for public libraries.
Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., Cal.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Jan Yager, the former J.L. (Janet Lee) Barkas, grew up in Bayside, Queens, New York, is a prolific, award-winning author with advanced degrees in sociology (The City University of New York Graduate Center), criminal justice (Goddard College) as well as graduate training in art therapy at Hahnemann Medical College, publishing courses at NYU, and a B.A. in fine arts from Hofstra University where she as Art Student of the Year.

Since her mid-twenties, Jan's taught at various college and universities including The New School, Temple University, St. John's University, The New York Institute of Technology, Penn State, the University of Connecticut and, most recently, John Jay College of Criminal Justice/CUNY.

Jan's first published book was THE VEGETABLE PASSION: A HISTORY OF THE VEGETARIAN STATE OF MIND, published by Scribner's in the U.S. and Routledge & Kegan Paul in the UK, recently released through audible.com as an audiobook with a new introduction, bibliography, and resources. Her 40 books include such nonfiction titles as VICTIMS; WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS, published by Simon & Schuster and in 28 languages; FRIENDSHIFTS; WORK LESS, DO MORE (2nd edition); BUSINESS PROTOCOL; GROW GLOBAL; THE FAST TRACK GUIDE TO SPEAKING IN PUBLIC; 125 WAYS TO MEET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE; PUT MORE TIME ON YOUR SIDE; three novels, THE PRETTY ONE including the thrillers UNTIMELY DEATH; and JUST YOUR EVERYDAY PEOPLE; as well as children's books -- a series that includes THE READING RABBIT, THE QUIET DOG, and THE CANTALOPUE CAT, all illustrated by Mitzi Lyman.

Unique journals created and, in the case of the birthday journal, illustrated by Jan's art work, include BIRTHDAY TRACKER & JOURNAL and FRIENDSHIP THOUGHTS, FAMOUS QUOTES, AND A JOURNAL.

Jan's poetry is included in the collection, with her husband Fred Yager, entitled IN LOVE AND WORK: Poems, available as an e-book and an audiobook, as well as in the anthology THE HEALING POWER OF CREATIVE MOURNING: Poems.

Jan has worked in the publishing industry over the years beginning with her years in her early twenties in the school division at Macmillan Publishing followed by a year doing everything from editing, acquisitions, foreign rights, permissions, sales, and publicity at Grove Press.
She's traveled extensively to exhibit or attend foreign book fairs including the Frankfurt Book Fair, London Book Fair, Abu Dhabi Book Faire, Prague Book World,TIBE (Taiwan) Book Fair, Bologna Children's International Book Fair, Liber Book Fair in Spain, and Book Expo in the USA.

In addition to conducting extensive original research for her own books, Jan reads extensively. Beyond books, Jan writes articles and blogs. For more on Jan, go to:
http://www.drjanyager.com (her main website)

Over the years, Jan's been published by major houses including Simon & Schuster, Doubleday, Prentice-Hall, Facts on File, Scribner's, and other companies. She's been translated into 30 languages. In 1996, she founded the small press, Hannacroix Creek Books, Inc. (http://www.hannacroixcreekbooks.com)

She's been on author tours throughout the U.S. as well as internationally throughout the UK, Sweden, Australia, and New Zealand. Talk shows that have asked Jan to appear to share her insights include THE VIEW, OPRAH, the TODAY SHOW, GOOD MORNING AMERICA,CNN,and other programs.

Jan's married to communications executive and fellow author Fred Yager. They have two grown sons, Scott and Jeff, and a grandson, Bradley.

In addition to college teaching, Jan enjoys speaking throughout the U.S. and internationally as well as socializing with her family and friends. She also enjoys going to the movies, plays, and exercising.

Jan's co-authored several screenplays with her husband Fred including a romantic comedy, two thrillers, and a buddy movie. Her dream is to get one of their screenplays produced as well as to see her full-length play, BETWEEN FRIENDS, produced. Hopefully those dreams will happen in the near future!

This author believes the future of books is secure because there are so many talented authors who continue to share their expertise, or write creative stories, that readers want to discover. She is grateful to every single reader --past, present, and future --who have bought and read her books, or borrowed her books at the library, in English or any of the more than 30 languages that her titles have been published in including Spanish, French, Dutch,German, Russian, Vietnamese, Chinese, Korean, Czech, Romanian, Slovenian, Hungarian, Polish, Hebrew, Portuguese, Arabic, Latvian, Estonian, Thai, Indonesian, with Marathi and Akan (Ghana) languages in preparation.

Customer Reviews

This book helped me see myself in a whole new light and my friendships.
Suzanne L. Vaughan (svaughan10@aol.com)
Dr. Yager provides valuable and practical insights on the way friendships enrich our lives.
"i800ther"
Great research, very realistic down to earth self-help/motivational read!
JRK

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Suzanne L. Vaughan (svaughan10@aol.com) on October 22, 1999
Format: Hardcover
What a great look at ourselves and our relationshiips. It seems in this fast-paced world the friend relationships seem to be one of the most challenging. Dr. Yager addresses all aspects of friendship and how it can be a benefit or detriment to us and our lives. I haven't always made the best choices when it came to friends in my life, however after reading her book, I will make different choices and be more able to make ones that nurture me rather than control or take away from the person I really am. This book helped me see myself in a whole new light and my friendships. I have been able to make assertive steps toward controlling relationships and I have watched the friendship shift right before my eyes thanks to the encouragement and wisdom shared in this book. I think it would help any of us that are struggling with relationships know how to develop meaningful friendships that enhance our lives and our experiences with deeper meaning. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this book to anyone who wants to surround themselves with the right kind of friends....for them... and handle the relationships that are troubling.
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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful By S. Pino on July 28, 2004
Format: Paperback
Understanding the changes that friendships go through is the first step to helping them last. This book helps you to do that. It gives the reasons behind why friends act and say the things they do, and how to handle shifts throughout the course of life. I wished I had read this book sooner-it may have helped me understand my own friendships more.And the advice here may help you to make an educated choice on whether to continue a friendship or end it. A great read and highly recommended.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By aspiring writer on December 21, 2000
Format: Paperback
Friendshifts is one my favorite books of all time! I read it cover to cover and still keep it at my bedside as a reference! It has helped me to understand why some of my friendships have lasted 20 years and others only 20 minutes! What I found most interesting though, were the insights into all of the relationships in between. This book has helped me to discover why I may maintain a relationship with someone I instinctively prefer to hold at arm's length, and why I sometimes manage to lose touch with someone I hold dear. Friendships are an enormous part of my life and to understand them better, and to understand myself better, is nothing short of a blessing to me. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the many facets of friendship.
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18 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Simona Nielsen on April 1, 2003
Format: Paperback
No matter what stage in life we are in, friends are needed for sharing experiences and receiving support whether if good or bad things happen to us. They are our mental `lifesavers' and without them we do much worse and are more woundable. Like our family, our friends are the reason for the persons we are and participate in shaping our life as we grow.
The author, Dr. Jan Yager has a Ph.D in sociology and her books are also based on interviews and surveys. She has created the word Friendshifts® to show us the way our friendships change as we go from one stage in life to another.
Our friendships change as our life does. We make friends in our childhood, as teens, as adults, and in our elderly life. We form new friends by moving, change in interests, entering a new school or getting a new job, a promotion or a new sport.
More insights in this book are how to be a better friend, how to prevent a friendship from ending and how we handle it when it does. Furthermore, it tells us about friendships at work and gender friendships.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 24, 1999
Format: Hardcover
Dr. Yager's thoughtful and encouraging book about relationships and their complexity is oblviously the result of important research and an ability to synthesize information and take the step to original thinking. This book is not a rehash of old homilies about making friends and keeping them. It is an examination of our deepest desires and motivations in regard to friendship. It reveals to us the ways in which we can make friendships happen, helps us to understand why friendships fail, and almost certainly makes us better friends. I recommend this book to anyone who has questions about relating to others and hopes to enrich their lives and their friends' lives.
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14 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Caryl J. Frawley on January 3, 2003
Format: Paperback
Throughout our lives, friendships are among the most enduring and treasured relationships. They are often complex and of many variations: old friends, new friends, lifetime friends, close friends, casual friends, etc. Friendships are seldom static, and they evolve, grow, deepen and sometimes even wither and fade away. Sociologist and author Dr. Jan Yager, in her excellent book "Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives," explores all the various facets of these most precious connections. "Friendshifts" offers thoughtful, insightful and wise observations which can only serve to strengthen the "ties that bind" and increase our understanding of these dynamics. Highly recommended!
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12 of 13 people found the following review helpful By "art10708" on June 15, 2002
Format: Paperback
Friendship is considered an important enhancement to a full and
rich successful life.
It ranks right up there with fulfilling work, a happy homelife
and good health.
In fact satisfying friendships often positively affect one's work,
homelife and health.
Considering how important friendship is to our lives, it's
interesting
to note how little has been written on the subject.
However, Dr. Jan Yager has written a wonderfully comprehensive book
on the subject entitled:
Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How it Shapes our Lives.
The research done on this book is very impressive.
Dr. Yager has not just made wild guesses and assumptions on how
friendships affect our lives.
The writer has gone to great lengths; conducting surveys and
interviewing scores of men and women to find out details on how
friendships have shaped their lives.
The first section of Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship...
explores the different levels of friendships (casual, close and best)
as well as the rich variety of patterns our friendships take on.
Section 2 is about how friendship changes throughout life; from
childhood and the single years, through marriage and on to the
end of our life. Different stages of life can affect the kinds of
friendships that we develop and maintain.
Section 3 is about how to be a better friend and is full of great
advice on making, improving and maintaining our friendships.
There's even advice on handling friendships that end.
Section 4 about work and friendship goes into depth about how
friendships can enhance our careers, and the differences and
challenges involved in male and female work friendships.
Read more ›
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