Customer Reviews

The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You're Not a Kid Anymore

5 star:		(11)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(5)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I read this book thinking that it would help ANY woman find more friends. Well, while it has some good tips that can be put into practice by any woman, it is largely geared toward women with children. That wasn't the help I needed as I do not have children. If you do have kids and live in a larger city, this book would be a lifesaver. Very well-written and easy to read... I got through it in about 3 days.

While perusing the "New Non-Fiction" section of my library, I came across this book. I think it is very well written, and expresses many of the feelings I was ashamed and embarrassed to express, or didn't really realize were there. I really thought I was rare in the fact that I have very few female friends beyond work acquaintances, and in the fact that I long for that to change, but am too shy to do much about it. When we are kids, making friends is easy. What about those women working from home, or living in rural areas? If all the people you come in to contact with in an average day are the check-out lady and the bank teller, what's a woman to do? It gives some tidbits and ideas for making new friends, talks a good bit about the importance of female companionship to our well-being, along with info on things like how to know if you should cut a friend loose and what to do when your child's friend is no longer friends with someone who's mother you had become close with (that was wordy, I know). Anyway, I think this is a unique book worth reading. Those who give it just a star or two probably do so because they have many friends and therefore cannot relate to the content.

This book was full of stories of women who struggled with common friendship troubles and hints about how to help yourself if you are in a position in which you don't have enough friends due to a life change. However, if you are reading it because you don't have very many friends and hope to learn ways to change that, a few hints aren't really going to be too terribly helpful. If you recently became a stay at home mom and hadn't thought of trying to meet your neighbors, this book will be useful to you. If you don't have friends because you are shy, don't know how to be friends with women, or one of the other multitudes of reasons why you might not have enough friends, this book won't help much, but you will be armed with new reasons why it is bad to not have friends.

If you are a single woman without children, this is not the book for you. I was extremely disappointed in this book, especially given all the five star ratings. It took me less then ten minutes to read any portion relevant to my own life, as it was almost exclusively about maintaining friendships when you are married and especially if you have children. Furthermore, I completely reject the idea that a woman without children must make all the sacrifices to maintain a friendship with a woman who has children which is the premise of this book. Friendship is a balancing act and the sacrifices should not be placed on the shoulders of one person.

And while other reviews have stated this book says men do not need friends, I did not see that. However, this book is exclusively about female friendships with other females and does not include men in the equation at all. After all, women can be friends with men.

I really wanted to like this book as I felt the subject matter was so timely for what I've been going through, as a single, childless, woman in her late 30's. However, like many other reviewers said, it mostly fell short for me. I've tried, multiple times, many of the things the author suggests. Much of the book was written for women with children, however, I did read the entire book despite this fact. I consider myself shy and there's even a chapter about that - but I gleaned nothing from this chapter that I haven't already tried without much avail. I do think the author means well and although I really "liked" her, from what I could glean as she wrote about herself, I didn't find this book to be as helpful as I'd hoped.

I've moved eight times in twenty-three years (you do the math), and I thought I knew every trick in the book for connecting with new friends. But I didn't know everything in this book. There are lists of low-risk ways to reach out on an individual basis and tips for building your own community (or urban tribe, as Paul calls it). There's a chapter on the physiological benefits of friendship for anyone who needs an extra nudge to rationalize time spent on girlfriends, and I found the chapter on cross-generational friendships especially inspiring. The segmented format makes for easy reading even for the most over-scheduled woman.

Don't listen to whoever it was questioning the validity of the reviews here. While I can't vouch for those individual reviews, I have read this book and greatly enjoyed it. Making friends as an adult is not something that's widely acknowledged as a "problem" or something that's difficult, and yet many people have a hard time with it. Just reading a book in which someone acknowledges the difficulties of adult friendship (specifically female) is somewhat comforting. I highly recommend this book.

I opened this book when I was browsing in the bookstore and I have to say I couldn't put it down. I loved this book. First of all, I was deeply appreciative of Marla Paul's openness and honesty. She says, "How could I have gotten to 44 and not have enough friends?" This was breathtaking candor in a world where we all want to look very popular. Secondly, she is both very compassionate and very practical about an issue that requires some good tactics for change, not just attention to our feelings. And thirdly, as I read this book, she encouraged me to do some self-reflection. I asked myself, "How am I as a friend? Why do I feel lonely at times?" Finally, she puts this in context. The world that we live in is just not that conducive to making new friends, especially during mid-life. Let's not take it personally, but let's get out there and find some like-minded souls to share life with. Overall, I found this book to be very helpful, very worthwhile.

I felt as though Marla Paul was talking directly to me! Because everything she said I completely understood. I understood what it is like to start all over again after a move (I've moved many times), how difficult it can be to find a niche in the community, and how difficult it is to be shy. Especially the last one. Like Paul mentions, it's like "a wallflower at a school dance" and "some shy women believe they are missing some elusive membership card". There is good news for women like me. Paul gives practical advice such as reassuring the reader that many people actually like shy and reserved people, to ways to bounce back from cattiness and rejection, to different groups and places to try to meet friends and/or be part of a community such as book clubs to Mothers Chapters like MOPS- Moms of Preschoolers. Also what boosts friendships to what wrecks them and how to deal with jealous friends, and also how to deal with conflicts that could come up if you have a friend who also happens to be a friend of your child.
Although Paul tells the reader that as an adult, it may be harder work as compared to in youth it came more effortlessly, there is hope. She tells us that we do have to have an attitude that friendship is very important. She never implies that it is more important than family or career life, but that it is an emotional aspect of women's life that we all need.
What this book has done for me is given me more confidence and more hope and I have met some women acquanitences so far in my community.

Marla Paul's book is a must-read for any woman who wants to make new friends or strengthen her ties to old ones. In "The Friendship Crisis," Paul profiles women who've mastered the art of both making and sustaining relationships. She also writes about her own challenges in making new friends at various points in her life, shares insights from relationship experts and includes relevant research about the health benefits of having a wide circle of pals. The result is an engaging and comprehensive book that I will recommend to all of my friends! Paul's subject is one that's close to my heart: For more than a decade, I've been lamenting how difficult it's been for me to make friends as a result of life circumstances, which include moving across the country when I got married and starting a home-based business. Paul's advice for cultivating new friends--based both on her experience and that of the countless women she interviewed--is smart, practical and doable. This is the book I wish I'd read 12 years ago! Not only do I plan to follow Paul's blueprint to develop new relationships, but I've also reassessed my own friendship style, and I'm in the process of making some much-needed changes. Thank you, Marla Paul, for writing such a terrific book!