Customer Reviews

The Friendship of Women: The Hidden Tradition of the Bible

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The introduction of this book is worth the retail price. It's an essay in itself. A sample sentence: "To have a friend is to acknowledge that some part of someone else's life which we have held tenderly, trustingly in our own hands might well die with us." Okay, it's a sentence you may have to read twice. But then you "get it," and you reflectively pause before continuing.

A pleasant complexity in the writing sets THE FRIENDSHIP OF WOMEN above its competition. Chittister's style is more graceful than but reminiscent of the early work of Henri Nouwen, in that she reflects on very personal themes but not in a first-person ("I") voice. As helpful as anecdotes are to ground a book, in this case they would seem superficial. Chittister's descriptions of what we need and want in friendships are framed in a spiritual, rather than a self-help, context. The back cover calls it "the sacred dimension of friendship."

Though this is a book for and about women, Chittister draws heavily on interesting, classic quotes about friendship, most of them written by men, including Ambrose, Aristotle, Augustine, and that's just the beginning of the alphabet. Admittedly, as Chittister notes, men have written most of the classical literature, and Chittister wants to broaden that base.

A Benedictine nun, Chittister has written extensively, often with a hard-hitting and discomforting message, but here her text is, well, comforting. She titles each chapter with the name of a woman who has a role in the biblical story, though two of 12 are extrabiblical --- saints revered by Catholics but virtually unknown to conservative Protestants: Anne (the mother of the Virgin Mary) and Veronica (who showed kindness to Jesus on his road to the cross). As short as this volume is (fewer than 100 pages), it is expanded from an earlier work (published in 2000) that covered only New Testament women. (Old Testament additions are Deborah, Esther, Ruth and Miriam.)

But what do we really know about the friendships of these biblical women? Not much, so Chittister focuses on personality traits found in their stories and relates them to personal relationships. The first half of each chapter reflects generically on the chapter theme, before turning to the biblical story. She acclaims Prisca's sense of self. Esther's leadership abilities. Elizabeth's acceptance of the friend at her door. Miriam's joy.

In a good friend we need Deborah's wisdom. "The Deborahs in our lives know us as well as we know ourselves. The difference is that they also help us see beyond ourselves." To be a good friend we need "the Phoebe dimension of friendship," the "quiet constancy" that "requires us to be self-contained: she became an independent woman, but not self-centered." And Veronica? "With the Veronicas of friendship, it is the staying power that counts." She is the one "to whom a woman turns to understand the gravity of all the trivia of her life."

If you're looking for a book that gets beyond the trivia of friendship, try this one --- for group discussion or for personal help in getting and keeping friendships on track.


--- Reviewed by Evelyn Bence

In a day and age where individualism and self-sufficiency is prided as characteristics of success and power, a voice that reminds us of the true role and import of friendship needs to be heard - and Joan Chittister offers one such voice. Using women biblical figures as a springboard and chapter mastheads, Chittister develops a short reflection on what the true meaning of friendship is and how is should be cultivated today.

From a refreshingly feminine perspective, Chittister approaches the topic of true friendship from the projected experience of the women for whom each chapter is named. While in no way a scholarly or academic work (most observed in the lack of authoritative scripture references, scholarly endnotes/footnotes or exegetical analysis of implicit scriptural references - although she does list the biblical passages at the end of the book where each woman could be found mentioned in scripture), this book is a wonderful meditative tool for one's own reflection on friendship.

In the spirit of full-disclosure, I should note that I am a male in religious life (in contrast to the author, a female in religious life, and the audience which appears to be primarily women). This perhaps limits my ability to fully appreciate the impact this work has on a female reader. I can attest to the fact that two very close women friends have read and recommended this book to me and they have found great solace and inspiration from it. I enjoyed it very much and it has allowed me to reflect on both friendship and women in the Bible in new ways.

This small book is packed with information about the women in the Bible and how each personifies as aspect of friendship. There is a chapter on Ruth, a chapter on Anne, and some women that have received very little attention. There are interesting thoughts about each of them and how they represent different aspects of friendship. I am enjoying it so much that I only allow myself a chapter at a time to read and ponder. I think this will be the book I give to women friends this year. This is a keeper.

Chittister can't seem to make up her mind on what she's saying in this book. She waffles back and forth between suggesting that readers (especially women readers) could never aspire to be as good as their friends who embody the characteristics of these biblical women and also suggesting that they are enough in themselves.

Throughout the book, there are several passages that made me cringe. For example, "There is indeed one thing that renders all of us, any of us, indispensable. As long as there is someone, somewhere whose life breathes in time with my own, I know deep down that I am indeed needed, that I have no right to die. I know that I am truly indispensable, irreplaceable, vital to a life beyond my own. To that person I am indispensable. Whatever my own needs, the love of the other has greater claim on me than I do on myself" (xii).

What about God's claim on me? Doesn't that take precedence over my friends'? I do not appreciate Chittister's suggestion that my self worth is based on others' perception of me nor the idea that I should deny who I am in favor of who my friends are. Unfortunately, these themes seem to run throughout the book. I haven't read much of Chittister's other writings, but I hope they are better than this piece.

I have enjoyed every one of Joan Chittister's books that I have read. However this one truly spoke to my heart. I have only recently realized how important community is in my spiritual life. This books explains what I could never put into words myself regarding the special friendships of women. I have given it as gifts to five of my very special friends.

This book will certainly be an effective tool for my Women's Spiritiualty discussion group. Members will discuss its application to daily our lives. Winnie

This is a lovely little book and would make a very nice gift for a woman friend. I was hoping for a little deeper theology, but I appreciate it for what it is - uplifting.

Every word in this short book packs punch. Joan Chittister eloquently analyzes the friendships of Biblical women and gives accurate perspective on the historical trivialization of women. Hurrah!

A wonderful little book about women in the Bible. Names each one and shows their strength and devotion as well as their unique traits. Dispels the silly idea that God wants women to be weak and submissive, passive and colorless inferiors. That's been man's opinion throughout history but it didn't come from God. Men and women are different but equal before God. The tendency in certain churches for men to keep women underfoot as secod-class citizens to be controlled and told to show up and shut up is based on a misunderstanding of the scriptures. Joan Chittister is a remarkable woman, writer and thinker. It's no surprise that the Vatican would like to shut her up! So would a few others.

This book would have been a worthwhile purchase just for he introduction. It's a beautifully writen reflection about the possibilities of friendship in our lives. After reading the book, I sent my copy to a niece with a note suggesting that she pass it on after reading it and I ordered several additional copies for women who have been good friends to me over the years.