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Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends Paperback – February 12, 2013


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Friendships Don't Just Happen!: The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends + The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for + The Art of Friendship: 70 Simple Rules for Making Meaningful Connections
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 254 pages
  • Publisher: Turner (February 12, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1618580140
  • ISBN-13: 978-1618580146
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.2 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #33,874 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“I knew I’d adore Friendships Don’t Just Happen! as soon as I saw the title. It’s tough to make friends as an adult, and women are often made to think we’ve done something wrong if new pals don’t come easily. Shasta Nelson does a great job of breaking down how to identify the friendships you need, how to go about forging new relationships, and how to turn those relationships into true friendships. I’d recommend this book to anyone who is looking to make new friends or strengthen their existing friendships. In fact, there is no one who won’t benefit from reading Friendships Don’t Just Happen!
—Rachel Bertsche, author of MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend

“As CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, Shasta Nelson has made bringing women together her life’s work. Now, Shasta has written an inspiring book that empowers women to reach out and connect as individuals. Friendships Don’t Just Happen! is a call to action, offering women practical tips and tools to find and nurture meaningful friendships. The perfect workbook for someone who wants to work on their friendships!”
—Irene S. Levine, PhD, Professor of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend

“How could it be that I made it through graduate school and yet I was never taught about healthy friendships? As I was reading Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, I had this profound wish that someone had shared all of this amazing information with me when I was much younger. This book should be required reading for women of all ages and especially for mothers of daughters.”
—Christine Bronstein, CEO of A Band of Wives, editor of Nothing But the Truth So Help Me God: 51 Women Reveal the Power of Positive Female Connection

“Loving friendships are essential to feeling fulfilled and well nourished. And this is one AWESOME book that walks us through really well laid-out steps of creating and nurturing supportive and lifelong friendships that too few of us have been taught or shown.”
—Christine Hassler, author of 20 Something, 20 Everything and 20 Something Manifesto, speaker and coach

“At a time when so many people are “friending” one another online yet reporting feelings of loneliness, Friendships Don’t Just Happen! reminds us that friendships worth creating are done with intention and significance.”
—Dale V. Atkins, PhD, psychologist, author, media commentator

""Shasta articulates and deconstructs friendship so powerfully, inspiring women to reclaim the soul of friendship and giving us the tools and language to be able to do so with depth and connection."" —Ayesha Mathews Wadhwa, Savor the Success Leader

""Shasta has created extremely powerful tools to help women evaluate . . . their friendships so they can clearly see what they need to do to have fulfilling friendships in their lives."" —Nancy Larocca Hedley, SF Coaches Programs Co-Director, 2009

""Women read books on parenting, romance, and diet all the time, but when was the last time we read about our friendships? As I read this book I was amazed by how much I didn't know that I didn't know. We need this book in huge ways! We've never been taught about the types of friends, healthy expectations, incremental vulnerability, and the steps of developing friendships. This book was so eye-opening and hope-filling. Read this book, get one for your mom, sister, friend, clients . . . the art of friendship is seeing a revival thanks to Shasta Nelson!""
—Angela Jia Kim, Founder of Savor the Success and Savor Spa

""When it comes to getting the girlfriend love you need (and we all need it!), Shasta Nelson has the path. No longer do you need to wish you had close, soulful relationships with other women; with this book as your guide, you are empowered to create them! This book is SO good, so thorough, and so perfect!""
—Christine Arylo, self-love teacher and author of Madly in Love with ME: the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend

“Shasta sums up what it takes to make and sustain relationships, and validates all my neuroses about this subject. She teaches us how to nurture friendships, how to focus on what can be a most important thing in our lives . . . OUR GIRLFRIENDS!”
—Melody Biringer, Founder of www.thecravecompany.com

“When it comes to friendships, there is no better person to learn from than Shasta Nelson. Her book is a beautiful reminder of how important it is to maintain healthy friendships throughout our lives, as many women tend to put themselves and their friendships last on the to-do list!! Inspiring and practical, Shasta's step-by-step guidance is not only uplifting, it is deep and honest. She teaches us necessary skills to deal with difficult, real-life issues, and helps us move forward from what she calls 'The 5 Friendship Threats' with true forgiveness, compassion, and understanding. I highly recommend this book for every woman who yearns for a meaningful, lifelong connection to her girlfriends!!”
—Jennifer Tuma-Young, author of Balance Your Life, Balance the Scale

Friendships Don’t Just Happen! not only strengthens and deepens current friendships, but it starts with reminding us how normal it is to actually need new friends regularly through life. It can be hard to admit when we need more friends, and even harder still to know how to develop meaningful friendships. I love how Shasta Nelson walks us through every step of the way.”
—Debba Haupert, Founder of Girlfriendology.com

From Publishers Weekly:

Admitting a lack of friendships is difficult for those who see their own desire to overcome the problem as desperation. Once a woman finds reasonably good friends, going deeper can prove difficult, particularly if several friends regularly spend time together. Nelson, a public speaker and the founder of www.girlfriendcircles.com, has a solution for women in search of close, lifelong friends and offers these clueless friends-to-be advice on what to do to make existing relationships more meaningful: all parsed down as time, respect, ""sharing questions"" and direct honesty. Nelson’s platonic girlfriend-matching website plays second fiddle here; this tome is a stand-alone compendium of tips, research, and wisdom that will help women who want more from their friendships with other women. She refrains from excessive pop psychology, outlines important distinctions in otherwise mundane concepts like “forgiveness”, and readers will learn about her central model of “frientimacy”. Much of the advice is original and of Nelson’s own design and readers will be pleasantly surprised by the depth of her knowledge about what makes healthy friendships work. (Feb.)
 

About the Author

Shasta Nelsonis a nationally recognized friendship expert. She is the Founder and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, the only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting local women in cities across the U.S. She has been featured as a friendship expert onThe Today Show,The Early Showand inThe New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Huffington Post, Martha Stewart Radio, Essence, Parents, More, Redbook,andGlamour,among others. Her current book,Friendships Don't Just Happen!,is the culmination of years of proven success from her work at GirlFriendCircles.com.

More About the Author

Shasta Nelson, M.Div., is a nationally recognized friendship expert. She is the Founder and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, the only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting local women in cities across the U.S. She has been interviewed as a friendship expert on CBS's The Early Show and NBC's TODAY SHOW, as well as in The Chicago Tribune, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Huffington Post, Martha Stewart Radio, Essence, Parents, More, Redbook, and Glamour, among others.

Her current book, Friendships Don't Just Happen!, is the culmination of years of proven success from her work at GirlFriendCircles.com, her training and experience as a pastor committed to personal growth and healthy community, and her coaching practice devoted to moving people into their sweet spots.

More information at: www.ShastaNelson.com



Customer Reviews

Like all great advice, none of it is rocket science.
CS
If you are someone who thinks that you can do it without a lot of friends but you are secretly craving for some social life then you really must read it.
Dee
While before reading the book I had a good idea of what it would be about, After finishing it, I genuinely felt it was worth the read.
Seattle12

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

52 of 55 people found the following review helpful By Greg Tjosvold on January 28, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition
Where was this book 5 years ago?! 10 years ago?! I could have really used it.

With my children leaving home and my wife fighting clinical depression, I found myself feeling very alone. When the routine of sports, dance, and youth group events diminished, so did my circle of acquaintances. And friendships from the past had atrophied from the neglect of "busy and coping."

The author extols the health and well-being benefits of friendship throughout the book. The new found joy in our household is living proof of the transformative power of friends. We need them. Big duh, right? What makes "Friendships Don't Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends" important is that it teaches how to classify, grow and maintain friendships. It teaches that friendships do not need to be left to chance; we can grow them. If friends are like food and flowers in our lives, this is the ultimate friendship gardener's guide.

The author argues that not all friends are meant to be BFF's and that this is not only OK, it is to be expected. I've already used her 5 Types of Friends concept in my classroom. It is useful, as it shows friends of all types are to be valued. It also forms the foundation of her strategies for growing one type of friendship into another.

Toward the end of the book she has a section called "Friendships Don't Just Keep Happening: Be Intentional," where she covers the five friendship threats--jealousy, judgment, non-reciprocation, neglect, and blame--and helps the reader end the book with a clear plan of how to move toward the friendships that matter most to her. In my early, awkward efforts to rediscover friendship in my middle age, my lack of understanding about these threats resulted in the loss of a very good friend.
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Sonjastwin on October 25, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
If you're one of those extroverts that is still having weekly girls nights with all your sorority sisters or with your Moms' club and there just aren't enough hours in the day for all your social activities, then this probably isn't the book for you. But for the rest us, it's pretty valuable. Personally, I'm a 40-something who had good friends growing up and into my 20s, but then I moved across country to a city where I didn't know a soul. Twice. Combine that with a job that requires you to put in 60 hour weeks and to travel regularly and you wake up one day and realize that you've got a bunch of acquaintances, but no close friends. It's a recipe for loneliness.

While it seems some people don't like the idea of the five circles of friendship, I think that was probably my favorite part. It made so much sense to me and explained why, when I thought I'd made good friends at work, those relationships never lasted after one of us moved on to the next job. Those situations often left me crushed and feeling like something was wrong with me. This book made me see that this was not uncommon and explained the ways in which I'd failed to expand that friendship in ways that might have allowed it to live on past the commonality of working in adjoining cubes.

This book also gives you a framework for expanding friendships beyond the casual stage if you feel that's something you lack in your life (E.g., got plenty of people in your life that you might have cup of coffee with or share a joke on Facebook with, but not one that you could ask to pick you up at the airport or at the dentist when you've just had root canal and are still under anesthesia? Then you need to expand your friendships!). It helps me understand why this can be a process that takes such a long time.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful By D Adair on January 29, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book is simply lovely. My advance copy arrived last week, and I was so happy to realize that this finished book is even better than I had expected (I've been following Girlfriend Circles and Shasta's book journey for a while now). Shasta isn't just a friendship expert giving helpful definitions, how-to advice, research and framing language--although she does do all of that. She is an enormously insightful guide whose warmth, depth, and insights seep off the page. It's clear that prior to her work with women and friendship, she was a pastor. Clearly she is combining her calling and strengths in her friendship work. The chapters on vulnerability and forgiveness are up there with books I've read by other incredible life teachers like Marianne Williamson and Martha Beck. I was comforted, challenged, inspired and grown by this book--by lessons like this one on pg. 189, "Our goal is peace and happiness and our only way there is through forgiveness. There is no greater skill to possess, no more meaningful choice to be made, no further place to grow our maturity than in the moment when we are provoked to forgive." It's this depth and soul-level work that looks both inward and outward to our relationships with others that makes this book so helpful and meaningful.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By DI on April 19, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This is one of the best self-education books I've ever read! If you ever feel the slightest bit of loneliness, or dis-satisfaction in your friendship circle, or doubt in your ability to build social connections, I can't recommend this enough. The book will help you figure out what *you* need more of, what's stalled your progress in the past (your unhealthy myths, fears, behaviours etc.), and most importantly what you can do to change it! I never write reviews like this and I never make it all the way through this sort of book, so the fact that I am and I did says a lot! If you're sceptical, take a look at the blog on her website and if you like it you'll like this.

I've had so many realizations that make me understand why people have not always seemed super friendly towards me, and I can SEE the difference in how people respond to me now (a week after starting the book). I've taken on the advice and practical steps in this book and it's really changed how I think about things E.g.: There's no shame in wanting to make friends with more people. My [activity] friends who I only see at [activity] are still real friends! If I act really enthusiastically towards somebody or send a message for no obvious reason, they'll probably feel good rather than think I'm weird. And so on!

The best part is that the rewards are so quick in coming. I enjoy outings with friends more because (i) I can see that they're enjoying the time with me, (ii) they offer me more support and fun and joy because *I* do that more for them, and (iii) because it just feels good to grow wonderful friendships. The book starts by telling you how important friends are for happiness, and boy do I *feel* that joy pouring into my life now!
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