The Future of Love [Paperback]

Daphne Rose Kingma (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 19, 1999

"The future of relationships is moving us toward the vaulting awareness of who we really are as human beings, something we have managed to avoid for a very long time by being so thoroughly committed to convention...This is the future of love--vast love, love beyond boundaries, love without preconceptions and judgments, love without outdated myths--love which can actually be experienced."

At a time when over half of all marriages are ending in divorce, Daphne Rose Kingma, a well-known therapist and relationship expert, has recognized that our familiar ways of thinking about relationships are no longer working.  "I have written this book because it is clear that many of our previous assumptions about relationships need to be dismantled," writes Kingma.  "As we go through this process, we will discover a number of new ideas: that our relationships can have different forms than we ever imagined; that they will serve different purposes; that they will require different offerings from us.  They will also bring us new gifts."

We are in the midst of a sea change, in which not only are many traditional relationships failing, but unexpected new arrangements are beginning to appear; gay marriages are surfacing, step-families abound, and many people are consciously choosing to live alone.  As Kingma explains, these transformations should not be feared; instead, they represent a real opportunity.  In the past, conventional relationships were often destroyed by an overemphasis on the nuts and bolts of psychology, on working to achieve the unattainable "perfect relationship" while ignoring our most vital selves--our souls.  The glorious message of The Future of Love is that the disturbing changes we are all experiencing are actually part of the soul's plan, as it breaks down outdated conventions to bring us a new, fuller understanding of love.


From the Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

After more than two decades as a psychotherapist, relationship counselor and author (Finding True Love, etc.), Kingma suggests turning away from issues of the personality to those of the soul in loving relationships. She spends a lot of time criticizing "traditional" marriage ("suffocates the individual vivid soul") and the nuclear family ("intense focus and neurosis"), but she eventually does include them among the many possibilities of "soulful relationships." While her overall message of acceptance for, and celebration of, the many varieties of love seems perfectly sound, it's questionable whether a majority of American adults today would view "multiple-person relationships, relationships that defy age or gender boundaries, or embody astonishing emotional or spiritual acrobatics" as "failures or aberrations." Kingma offers comfort for the occasional pangs of concern over not having fulfilled the myth of get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after, but her discussions of "relaxing boundaries" and forgiveness could be problematic for those facing issues of addiction or abuse. Her implication that changing the "forms" of relationships makes them "illumined" is debatable, moreover. Her most valuable contribution here seems to be her discussion of the "ten qualities of a soulful relationship": self-awareness, aliveness, realism, honesty, generosity, empathy, forgiveness, thanksgiving, consecration and joy. As she wisely makes clear, these soulful attributes can be present, or not, in myriad forms of relationship.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

"Daphne Rose Kingma is one of the Knowers on the planet, one of the women who see things, and pass on the information.  With this book, I hope her information reaches even further and wider, past our personalities, past our barriers, past our resistances to love.  She takes our hands and guides us past the war zones of relationships to the peaceful meadows of a higher love."
--Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love

"In this innovative book, Daphne Rose Kingma breaks down the popular myth of how love is 'supposed' to be by introducing us to a broad spectrum of intimate connections.  She reveals how to work through the various confrontations that every relationship encounters and reach deeper levels of love and intimacy."
--John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus


From the Hardcover edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 240 pages
• Publisher: Main Street Books (January 19, 1999)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385490844
• ISBN-13: 978-0385490849
• Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.6 x 8.2 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #518,404 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

An undisputed expert on matters of the heart, Daphne Rose Kingma has been a therapist for more than twenty-five years, and is a frequent guest on television programs like "Oprah," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "Leeza." She is the author of six previous books, including the bestsellers Finding True Love and Coming Apart. Kingma lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

28 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting, Inspirational, and HIGHLY Controversial, September 10, 2001

By 

Jimalls (Hometown, IL United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Future of Love (Paperback)

This book is such a very eclectic mix of philosophies and ideas that I had a very hard time reviewing it. Few authors have the courage to write about love relationships in such a magical and inspirational fashion. Kingma suggests that every moment of our love relationships serves a higher purpose - a purpose of the soul. She then supports this well thought-out point with several examples from both common relationships and some very uncommon, perhaps even "taboo" relationships.

The general theme that I left this book with was that love is an infinitely powerful force, and as being such, love takes on an infinite array of scenarios. Some of the scenarios can be gay, lesbian, straight, friendship, emotional, long-distance,strictly sexual, non-sexual, and even communal. Basically, the point is that love can take a variety of forms and this is the ultimate desire of the human soul.

While I personally didn't find anything in this book to be offensive, I can understand that many people may find this book controversial or even offensive. This book suggests that divorce, extramarital affairs, polyamorism, gay marriage, and even casual sex can serve a spiritual purpose for the soul. Even if you are skeptical of this point, I suggest you read the book anyway.

I find it also important to note that this book is on Neale Donald Walsch's "Ten Books that Can Change the World" list. This book is an excellent expansion of some of the relationship suggestions featured in his "Conversations with God" series. At times I found myself wondering if this book was actually written by Walsch.

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Profound and inspiring, June 13, 2000

By 

Vyvien A. Starbuck (New Zealand) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships (Hardcover)

Reading this book helped release me at last from the burden of shame i carried from my divorce 7 years ago. i now see that experience as one of spiritual transformation instead of a societal 'failure', and more importantly as a part of expressing society's spiritual evolution. i came home at last to a sense of greater meaning in what was a devastating personal experience. I also found the chapters on the qualities of soulful relationships totally inspiring and reorientating. My understanding of love has just taken a quantum leap thanks to ms kingma's lucid, poetic and profound writing. I recommend this book to everyone i think could benefit. You won't be sorry you bought this book!

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Soulful, September 27, 2002

By 

Puteri Azlina "puterina" (Kuala Lumpur) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Future of Love (Paperback)

Reading this book kinda scared me. Kingma's ideas can be controversial.

This book gives permission to us not to conform to the social norms, convinces us that it's OK to have "failed" relationships, and tells us that there are more to love than what we are used to know. SOUL LOVE is the ultimate love, according to Kingma. Search within yourself, acknowledge what you really need, believe in the agenda of the soul, and you'll see the way.

This is a good book to help us console ourselves.

On the other hand, this book also challenges what most people believe in - social norms and expectations that seem to put things in order. It belittles the importance of marriage institute and underestimates the virtue of shouldering responsibilities. The way I see it, if the soul is too busy trying to grow it may neglect the needs of the family. I am a bit skeptical with her confidence with her "love prophecies".

The book is well written, with sufficient examples to illustrate the ideas. Some sentences are too similar to those found in Conversation With God, though.

All in all, there are some good points well elaborated in this book. Take them. At the same time, be cautious to some of the dangerous, crazy ideas. Oh! I might be traditional! ;-)