Customer Reviews

Games People Play

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I've referred hundreds of people to Eric Berne's classic over the decades since I first read it in 1968. In the age of narcissism and entitlement we're currently immersed in, this is the book that can give you perspective on all the dysfunctional relationships in your life, whether they are important (parents, children, spouse) or minor externalities (a lousy day waiting on customers).

If you sometimes think about your life and say to yourself "I just don't get why people treat me that way" or "I wish I knkew how to handle people like that," read this seminal book.

More on my <a href="http://ampersandvirgule.blogspot.com/2006/06/growing-up-is-hard-to-do.html">blog</a>.

Dick Margulis

This book is one of the Bibles of the Transactional Analysis school of social psychology/psychiatry. The other "Bible" is I'm OK -- You're OK by Thomas A. Harris, M.D.

Before reading Games People Play, it is a good idea to read I'm OK - You're OK. There are two reasons why. First, I'm OK is a general introduction to Transactional Analysis whereas Games People Play deals with a narrow aspect of the subject. Second, I'm OK is written in an easier style than the present book. In fact, if I hadn't already studied I'M OK, I might not have understood Games People Play.

The author of Games People Play was the founder of the TA school. The author of the other book was his follower. Transactional Analysis was popular during the 1960s and 1970s. Since then, it has lost some of that popularity in America, although it still seems to be going strong in Australia. The society founded by Dr. Berne still exists in this country, today.

Before investing in a copy of the book, you might want to check Wikipedia which has an excellent article about Tranactional Analysis. Games, the subject of this book, are special behaviors that people use to accomplish ulterior designs. For example, the game called "If it Weren't for You I'd...." helps people feel better about NOT doing things they are really afraid to do.

I believe this book and the school of Transactional Analysis are worthwhile for everyone who wants to understand human nature.

Seller was spot-on with all the pertinent information to make this a better than expected purchase.

Back in the '60s, my favorite singer at the time, Eddie Fisher, had a recording of 'The Games Lovers Play' (Let's don't play those game that lovers play), and later there was a song 'The Games People Play' (Oh, the games people play, every night and every day). This book covers both the love games and the interpersonal games. Dr. Berne says "People tend to live their lives by consistently playing out certain "games" in their interpersonal relationships. They are desirable and necessary."

There is a 'historical' significance of games, also a 'cultural' ones. The intimate games include those women with large proportions (similar to Dolly Parton) who will sit with their hands behind their heads so as to thrust forward her best features, to draw attention by remarking on their size, like Dolly; and squirming around in front of males to show that they are available. Usually a lascivious mother uses provocativeness to get noticed. Note this, J. N., that is the provocative use I knew when you called me provocative, and I was scandalized, as I had never in my life been that way!

"Schlemiel" is a game to be forgiven for non-existentent sins. Adults play this game in polite, grown-up social circles to obtain forgiveness, the chief goal of the game. "Anti-Schlemiel" shows the objective opposite by creating an enemy. Whatever, you say to this kind of close-minded person, the worse thing is "I'm sorry," because he will not accept it and turn the tables on you by insults and worse. He is the type who never says "Im sorry."

In marriage, one of the 'bad' games is "If It Weren't For You" because you are blaming the other person (the one you agreed to love through thick and thin) of causing you to act as you did. No one can cause us to be uncivil; we can react to their bad behavior 'in kind' and that is not acceptable, either. If you ignore their slurs, then they accuse you of 'passive resistance.' Another 'bad' one is "Look How Hard I've Tried" usually by the male making the woman feel guilty for something she did not do. That, my friends, is called the game of love. It's not about sex; it's about power. Who is the most dominant partner? It used to be the man, but now the tables are turned and the young women rule the household and their husbands like no other time in existence. Why, I wasn't allowed to be that kind of wife! And it hurts to see my daughter-in-laws do it.

"See What You've Done Now" and "See What You Made Me Do" are childish games but played on a continuous basis by ignorant adults, usually paranoids (he says). In the underground slang, "patsy{ meant all right or satisfactory; later, it was changed to "pigeon' like 'stool pigeon, not homing pigeon.'

When you end up at the psychiatrist's office, you've played all the wrong games, those which led you into difficulties. We all sometimes work our way into a corner, but it is possible to jump out. Good games are those party games like 'Charades' in which you act out something in front of an audience and they guess the letter you are wanting until you decipher the word. I have played that game exactly one time, and pretty good at it, was the only one who knew the woman was acting out a book title, THE NAKED APE, and it embarrassed me. I just blurted it out without being socially polite.

Dr. Berne has written WHO DO YOU DAY AFTER HELLO? BEYOND GAMES AND SCRIPTS and TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS since his in-depth study and workbook on the games people have to play.