Customer Reviews

Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis.

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"Thank Psyche," that this 1963 classic is still in print. (600,000 copies; N.Y.Times best-seller list for two years.) It's not trendy and forgettable, it's timeless and fascinating. (Here are our human "GAMES" such as "Kick Me," "Ain't It Awful," and "Happy to Help")

But two more subtle pleasures (which the other reviewers here have not yet mentioned) are the doctor's wry WIT-plus real WISDOM.

His thesis is uncompromising. Dr. Berne shows we play "games" taught us by our warped childhood, or the world and culture. Rock-bottom: "Because there is so little opportunity for intimacy in daily life, and because some forms of intimacy (especially if intense) are psychologically impossible for most people, the bulk of the time in serious social life is taken up with playing games. Hence games are both necessary and desirable, and the only problem at issue is whether the games played by an individual offer the best yield for him." Specifically, Berne says we should discard bad psychological games (based on invalid old life-scripts from the past), in favor of the better social games. (And indeed, the games seem giddily-toxic, especially "Look How Hard I've Tried," "See What You Made Me Do," and "I'm Only Trying To Help You")

So alas, for the intimacy-fearful MANY people, the goal-in-life is to cure the "sick" games, and then just play the non-pathological ones. But, for a FEW fortunates, the open-calm-easy-natural responsiveness of truer psychological maturity IS possible. Berne names it "autonomy." It comprises awareness, spontaneity, and intimacy.

Okay. Skim or skip the theoretical Part ONE. But savor the 106 games in the story-time Part TWO. I mean, who can resist such peppery plots as "Courtroom," "Frigid Woman," and "Now I've Got You, You SOB"?) And then ponder Part THREE, on true autonomy: wow. Berne notwithstanding, many CAN arrive toward truer autonomy. (I know. I did. It took me decades. Worth the trip.....)

But don't miss Dr. Berne's wry WIT. He tempers his pessimism by his dubious, ironic, "hopeful realism" you might say. I found irresistible such low-key, laconic gems about the Human Condition such as these:

(1) "She and her husband had little in common besides their household worries and the children, so that their quarrels stood out as important events; it was mainly on these occasions that they had anything but the most casual conversations."

(2) [On the difference between mathematical and psychological games:] "Mathematical game analysis postulates players who are completely rational. Transactional game analysis deals with games which are un-rational, or even irrational, and hence more real."

(3) "'Beautiful friendships' are often based on the fact that the players complement each other with great economy and satisfaction, so that there is a maximum yield with a minimum of effort from the games they play with each other."

(4) (On the game "I'm Only Trying To Help You": a welfare agency worker and her client.) "There was a tacit agreement between the worker and the client which read as follows: W: I'll try to help you (providing you don't get better). C: I'll look for employment (providing I don't have to find any). If a client broke the agreement by getting better, the agency lost a client, and the client lost his welfare benefits, and both felt penalized...."

(5) (On the game "If It Weren't For You":) "(1) On the surface: Mr. White: You stay home and take care of the house. Mrs. White: If it weren't for you, I could be out having fun. (2) But in reality: Mr. White: You must always be here when I get home. I'm terrified of desertion. Mrs. White: I will be if you help me avoid phobic situations."

(6) (On the game "Wooden Leg" or the defensive, resistant "what do you expect of a man with a wooden leg?") "Slightly more sophisticated are such pleas as: What do you expect of a man who (a) comes from a broken home (b) is neurotic (c) is in analysis or (d) is suffering from a disease known as alcoholism? These are topped by, "If I stop doing this (neurotic behavior), I won't be able to analyze it, and then I'll never get better." The obverse of "Wooden Leg" is "Rickshaw," with the thesis, "If they only had (rickshaws) (duckbill platypuses) (girls who spoke ancient Egyptian) around this town, I never would have got into this mess."

Aaaach, Dr. Eric, your demeanor-dubious, doubtful, disenchanted and yet also dedicated and doughty-is worthy even of the Master himself, Dr. Sigmund, indeed.....

And then the goal of it all, "AUTONOMY." Learning to see a teapot, hear the birds sing (and interact with self and others) in the way YOU yourself were meant to, directly. And NOT the way society, culture, your family, and the grubby benefits of game-playing tell you you should!....Four times in as many decades have I re-read Berne's description of this "autonomy." And each time I see more-because I'm slowly-surely getting closer and closer to autonomy. To this natural, friction-free, appreciative, mellow, engaged, honest, for-real interaction with self and others. (Of course, I had the benefit of useful and skilled psychotherapy in the interval.) But take heart: a long road can have arrival points. Dr. Berne points the way, with the wisdom and wry wit, the doubting but dedicated stance, of the best in the psychoanalytic tradition.

This book is Eric Berne's popularization of Transactional Analysis, the approach to understanding and treating realtionship disorders that he largely developed. Whatever its efficacy as a form of therapy, it is a fascinating way to veiw ordinary human interactions. I first read this book more than two decades ago and have gone back to reread portions of it ever since.

While Berne's categorizations of pastimes and games seems somewhat skimpy (after all, behavior is infinitly richer than any theory can easily handle) the basic assumptions of Transactional Analysis provide a new way of understanding much that people do that otherwise seems either meaningless or baffeling. It is a real contribution to understanding ourselves.

My life is not 'game free' but at least I recognize more of the games I play, and am less likely to mistake their arbitrary rules for life and death imperatives.

Definitly worth reading for anyone who values self examination.

I was initially a little skeptical of a book that was a bit old, thinking it would be outdated, but I found this to be extremely relevant. Upon buying the book, I initially jumped to the games section, skipping over the details of Berne's theories. I was immediately struck with how many games I was unconsciously playing in both my relationship with my spouse and in my work life. With my spouse, I found the games "If It Weren't For You" and "Look How Hard I've Tried" to be hauntingly similar to some of our interactions. I've recently been analyzing my transactions with colleagues at work and noticed patterns that fit many of the games described here as well.

Berne's section on the theory behind games is fascinating. I recommend reading about some of the games first and then moving to the theories. By understanding the theories, you learn WHY you inevitably participate in these games. After I understood why I was being drawn into these patterns, I was able to understand my motives. And ultimately, after understanding my motives, I was able alter my actions and responses when needed.

Overall, I found this book to be very useful in understanding my relationships with people. It is refreshingly different than a lot of the self-help material out there. This book cuts right to the chase and gives you tools to live by. I highly recommend it. After reading this book, I also read What Do You Say After You Say Hello by Eric Berne as well as Scripts People Live by Claude Steiner.

When I finished this book, my immediate reaction was one of disappointment. It attempts to treat its subject more scientifically than is practical -- sometimes the "players" are identified, and sometimes they are not, sometimes the game has an antithesis and sometimes it does not. Berne would like to pretend that all of the games are structurally analogous, but it becomes clear that this is simply not so.

Interestingly enough, though, disappointment though it was, I don't regret reading this book one bit. I started to see some of these games going on around me, and I was able to identify other games that weren't mentioned in the book. The whole book reinforces an important concept -- that people can act and interact for reasons that have nothing to do with their own happiness.

Read the book and you'll understand, though perhaps not right away.

Being the slightly paranoid, mistrustful, and mildly misanthropic person that I am, this book, which suggests that there are hidden agendas (ulterior motives) behind many people's actions, absolutely knocked me over! I always knew that people had their little games (destructive games, attention-getting games, sympathy-seeking games, etc ...), but this book gives one the ability to put a handle on them; define them, name them, see the "moves" associated with them, describe the "payoffs" associated with them, and plan antitheses to them.

After reading this book, I was able to see and identify games (and rituals and pastimes) being played by people all around me. I even identified games I was playing (read the book honestly and you might also come to that conclusion)! That's one thing I picked up from this book - games are not always conscious.

Read this book and read it honestly with no preconceptions, and it will indeed benefit you. Since this book was a general overview of Transactional Analysis, I am looking forward to reading other materials on this subject.

Happy reading!

_Games People Play_ by Eric Berne is a layman-accessible book on psychology chiefly concerned with the concept of game playing, one I found quite interesting.

At its most fundamental level, humans according to Berne seek what he terms a "stroke," just as infants require actual stroking (whether it be literal stroking, a pat on the head, or a hug) to develop healthy in a psychological sense (and to maintain that health), adults require a "stroke" as well (which he defines as the fundamental unit of social action). An exchange of strokes is a transaction, which is the unit of social intercourse. Such an exchange might be as little as a very simple greeting or something far more elaborate.

Adults have a hunger not only for stimulus and recognition but also for structure of their waking hours. Most of a person's time is structured by an activity (i.e. "work"), governed by rules called procedures (such as how to bake a cake or fly a plane). Other parts are governed by a person's social programming, which results in ritualistic and semi-ritualistic interchanges with other people, often falling other the general name of "good manners" (examples include generic work greetings and brief conversations about the weather or health). Berne terms semi-ritualistic topical conservations as pastimes, such as cocktail party conversations on cars, bad husbands, or finances.

A person's individual programming results in what he terms games. Games are not necessarily "fun" and can be quite grim or serious (as in Berne's book alcoholism falls under game playing). In the end the author wrote that ultimately true intimacy - where social patterning and ulterior motivations give way - is more desirable than either a pastime or a game (both of which are substitutes).

Key to structural analysis and an understanding of game play is the concept of the ego state. An ego state is a coherent set of feelings and behavior patterns in an individual, all interrelated. Each person has three such ego states, the exteropsychic or Parent ego state, the individual's parental instincts and experiences and vital to enable one to raise actual children and a state that makes many responses in life automatic, freeing one from the burden of innumerable trivial decisions ; the psychic or Adult state, directed towards an autonomous, objective appraisal and handling of reality, the state most needed for survival; and the archaeopsychic or Child state, representing archaic behavioral patterns fixed in early childhood, where in a person resides "intuition, creativity, and spontaneous drive and enjoyment," (the author rejects the term childish as negative and prejudicial).

Getting back to the concept of transaction, Berne writes that simple transactional analysis is concerned with determining which ego state provided transactional stimulus and which state responded in a given situation. Transactions may be complimentary, such as Child-Parent interaction, where a fevered child asks for a glass from a nurturing mother; these transactions are expected and are part of natural, healthy human relationships. However, a crossed transaction occurs in which the stimulus is one group of ego-states (such as Adult-Adult, when one asks another for instance where one's keys are) and the appropriate response within that set of ego states (such as Adult-Adult answer on the desk) is not given, but instead the response of another ego state (a Child response might be you always blame me for losing your keys).

Crossed transactions may not always be obvious, and these ulterior transactions are the basis for games and the primary subject of this book. Ulterior transactions involve the activity of more than two ego states simultaneously and may be of two main types. Angular transactions involve three ego states, and while ostensibly, on the social level, may be directed between two particular ego states (such as say Adult-Adult), really the ulterior or psychological vector is at another ego state (such as say perhaps a social Adult stimulus designed to and provoking a Child response). A duplex ulterior transaction involves four ego states (such as in flirting; on the surface it might appear Adult-Adult but in reality is Child-Child); most games are of this type of transaction.

Games, which he distinguishes from superficially similar procedures, rituals, and pastimes, are sets of complimentary ulterior transactions that progress to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Games are inherently dishonest (by definition procedures, rituals, and pastimes are candid) and the sought payoff is dramatic, often negative for one of the parties involved. The bulk of the book is detailed with classifying and discussing a number of games. Dividing games into seven categories (Life, Marital, Party, Sexual, Underworld, Consulting Room, and Good), he discusses the structure of these games, the roles involved, the sought after payoff, as well as the antithesis of a game, how to recognize and move beyond or end a game. An example is the first game he discusses, that of Alcoholic (which by the way can involve other substances). The central thesis of this game could be written as look how bad I have been and see if you can stop me and the aim, the payoff, is self-castigation. For this game to be played, it requires of course the Alcoholic, as well the Persecutor (the chief supporting role), the Rescuer, and the Patsy (an enabler in some sense). The Social paradigm is Adult-Adult, but in reality the game's Psychological paradigm is Parent-Child. The antithesis is difficult, but in essence involves the therapist moving away from any of the established roles of Persecutor or Rescuer and refusing to play the game.

A great many games are discussed in the book, some I found a bit hard to accept, others I readily recognized in my daily life. Most of them were quite sad and negative, particularly ones like Kick Me, See What You Made Me Do, and Frigid Woman, though a very few were constructive and beneficial to society, like Happy To Help and Cavalier. Somewhat chilling to think much of human social interaction if game play, after reading this I don't want to play games!

E.Berne in this book analyzes the games, pastimes and rituals people play. He also analyzes people's existencial position, when they actually decide to play a particular game. It is a fantastic analysis for those who have already read many books on Transactional Analysis and a very creative tool for phychologists and phychiatrists. Apart from that, the author is using a very common language for the layman and his argumentation is based on scientific experiements. Indeed a great book for an outstanding scientist.

Many times in my life, I was placed in social situations that left me feeling so depleted afterwards and I could not exactly grasp why this was happening. When I read this book, I started to understand how many people play these games that end up making me feel used and hopeless. After a year or so, I also began realizing that I play some of these games myself. I realized that although they work as temporary coping devices, they become obstacles to my personal development in the long run. This is when I really decided to change my life. I began living with a new awareness of the behaviors of not only others but my own as well! It has worked wonders and if I could explain this process, I would like to share it with everyone! But since I am not so good at explaining these things, I will suggest a book that explains this very well. It is called "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato and it explains all of these things in such a great way! Read this book by Berne! Read the book by Sato! It will be the best gift you give to yourself!

I was first noticed this book when my former wife's father gave it to her as a pre-wedding gift. Seven years later, after we seperated, I noticed the book on the shelf with a bookmark in it. Opening it brought me to the bookmark and the game called 'Frigid Woman'. Within minutes, I realized the last year we were together was word for word what Mr. Berne described in his book. Eventually I realized that she was using the knowledge contained in the book to manipulate our relationship. If you buy this book, use it for good. As they say, 'The Force is a powerful ally. Do not succumb to the dark side.'

I remember buying this book when it hit the market, and now I'm buying it for others in my family to read. I'm sixty now so I've had plenty of time to see lots of games and manipulation, some of which I got pretty good at myself. No blame or shame involved. Most families pass down their learned ways of coping to the next generation so this stuff has always been going on. As I age I am very much less interested in other's games or even my own. Victims, tears, blame, "you caused my problems" I just leave to their owners. Life is too full of fun to be manipulated or guilt-tripped by anyone, and I do believe in total responsibility for my life and what happens in it. Read this and forgive yourself for your games and unplug from other's attempts to control you by any means they can. This book is one of my favorites! Recommended reading for those in the pangs of guilt from anyone, even parents or children.