136 of 180 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
Better than nothing - but just barely., April 10, 2000
This review is from: I Gave Dating a Chance: A Biblical Perspective to Balance the Extremes (Paperback)
The following is excerpted from a lengthy response to IGDC I put together when I first read it.
IGDC is designed for youth who are also frustrated with dating but want to be conformists, who don't want to be seen as "extreme" or lose the acceptance of mainstream friends. It promises the benefits of courtship without the rigor...
In the third chapter of his book Clark tries to set his own book apart from courtship books and give justification for doing so. He does so by maligning courtship, tarring with a bigots brush without bothering to give an ounce of evidence. He owes advocates of courtship an apology....
Clark would have us believe legalism is the only error we can fall into, but as the discussion above shows, there is an equal and opposite error, known as PIETISM. Pietism is the notion that "holy thinking" and right motivations will somehow magically result in good ends, without any identifiable process adjustments. Pietism is more naïve than heretical, but it leads to ineffectuality because in the real world right thinking and right motivation must be utilized in the context of right action - doing something different than would otherwise be - or it all comes to nought....
...It is difficult for a courtship apologist to name some principle of courtship to which Clark does not subscribe. Seek accountability with others such as parents he says (p. 87), build your character (p. 57), set criteria by which you judge whether you are prepared for marriage (p. 69), don't date non-Christians (p. 36), communicate on dates rather than focusing on entertainment (p. 48), and on and on and on. Clarks' whole book is a tacit acknowledgement of the program and means and ideals of courtship. (Not that courtship advocates invented every such principle, but in courtship they are explicit.) So where's the difference?
The difference lies in the issue of accountability and lack of structure and external counsel. In IGDC everything relies on the willpower and thoughtfulness of the individual. Although accountability is mentioned it is brief and late in the book, not a fundamental principle that is needed to make the others more effective. If we sought accountability naturally that might not be so bad, but we don't. And by providing a slew of good ideas while downplaying the idea of actually changing behavior by raising the legalism bogeyman, he eviscerates his own self-improvement program....
...Clark's thesis is that problems in dating arise because people are ignorant. If they would just learn what the Biblical standards for relationships are, we'd be OK. In order to support this thesis, it is necessary for IGDC to make some astonishing assumptions. Notice the presumption of ignorance on the part of his young friend in the example above. Does he really think ignorance is the problem?
IGDC seems to forget that we do have a conscience. Those standards of purity and godly living aren't just in the Bible, they are also written in our hearts. And to assume that everyone having problems in dating is ignorant of the Bible and what it teaches is remarkably naïve. Over and over IGDC tells us what we already know. He repeats what most of us have already learned in Sunday school, and Bible study, and in sermons and listening to Christian speakers. We may learn a few pointers from his book, but overwhelmingly what IGDC has to tell us is old news.
That's why IGDC will probably be relatively popular, and will definitely be ineffectual. Telling us what we already know is an easy way to win approval but a poor way to achieve change and fix problems. We've had these exhortations for decades in the context of dating, and it hasn't made any discernable difference on the population of dating Christians as a whole - not from the statistics I've seen....
...Neither intellectual nor moral ignorance is the main problem. Weakness in temptation is the main problem. IGDC's exhortations do nothing to address that effectively. Jeramy, we already knew God wants us to be pure. We already knew we should treat the other person with honor. We already knew we should ask the counsel of others. We already knew we should think with our head not our hearts.
IGDC also fails to cope with other major problem areas of dating. As I mentioned, it focuses exclusively on improving yourself by addressing presumed ignorance. It does nothing to protect a young lady (who has read IGDC and taken it to heart) from a date rapist who doesn't care about such exhortations. Or a young man from a manipulative 'gold digger' who can put on a good front. Not only is IGDC ineffectual in addressing temptation, it is also ineffectual in providing a safe environment that protects that reader from abuses (incidental or deliberate) that are epidemic today....
Those with a heartfelt desire to be pure and keep a whole heart on the road to marriage will be let down by IGDC. The author is surprisingly callous when it comes to dating and breaking up. [See p. 154]...
...IGDC asks us to avoid legalism, but keeps us in the bondage of failed cultural systems that so many of us found to be more brutal and repressive than any legalism... Courtship, as I am continually at pains to show in day to day discussions, is not legalistic. It is a matter of understanding the principles so we can customize rules for each situation, to achieve good ends. Clark never provides evidence to justify his accusations of legalism...
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Good if you know what you're getting into, June 23, 2003
By A Customer
This review is from: I Gave Dating a Chance: A Biblical Perspective to Balance the Extremes (Paperback)
This is a great book for a young adult trying to figure out what to do about dating in the post "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" world. Clark gives a balanced and Biblically-grounded perspective. Clark's emphasis is, however, more on beginning a relationship and is not really as applicable if you (like myself) are already in a dating/courting relationship and are looking for Biblical advice on growing and strengthening it.
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17 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
2.0 out of 5 stars
A Good Read, but keep it balanced..., December 16, 2002
This review is from: I Gave Dating a Chance: A Biblical Perspective to Balance the Extremes (Paperback)
First up, I need to say that I have not read the entire book. I'm still working my way through it, but I have read enough to make some initial observations.
Firstly, This book contains many good points. It contains a lot of good, Biblically based content and would be helpful to most teenagers / young adults.
However, I believe this book should be balanced with it's seemingly opposite "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". After reading Harris's book, I was pleasently surprised that his book is *not* about rejecting relationships and remaining single all your life! "I gave dating a chance" seems to lean more towards "Christianizing" the world's form of dating - whereas "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" aims to bring God's form of relationships down to earth. I strongly believe that Dating is useless when not connected to commitment (life-long commitment). This is what Harris's book is all about.
"I gave dating a chance" is a good read, but *please* balance the equation. I highly suggest reading both "I kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy meets girl" together with this book.
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