Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing [Paperback]

Richard Cohen (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 22, 2007

The paper required a lot of research, and Amber didn't know how to go about doing the research. "There's nothing to it," I assured her flippantly. Then instead of showing her what she needed to do, I simply told her to get started, explaining that she would figure out how to do the research as she went along. She let out an exasperated sigh. "But Dad, I don't know how to--" "Amber, just get started," I insisted with authority, "and you'll figure it out." Then I left the room. (from the introduction) When the author understood his mistake, he was able to go and talk with his daughter. As she vented, he began to understand what a capacity parents have to make their kids angry, and how he could change his approach to communicating with his children to improve their relationship. In the years since Roger Cross has been studying the things parents do that make kids angry, such as playing favorites having loose or confusing boundaries expecting kids to fill adult roles and more. Drawing on his ministry of Youth for Christ along with a survey of one hundred students of varied ages and backgrounds, Roger Cross has created a practical, helpful book for parents who want to understand why their kids are so angry and what they need to do to change.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Richard is movingly candid about the brokenness in his own family life, and he's not afraid to get down in the trenches and cry, mourn and laugh with everyone else who struggles. This book offers sound practical advice for healing family relationships." --Joseph Nicolosi, author of Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality and Preventing Homosexuality: A Parent's Guide

"Words cannot express the gratitude that we feel in our hearts for the incredible enlightenment that we have received from Gay Children, Straight Parents. This book has changed the life of our family and helped our daughter heal from same-sex attractions. Words can never express the depth of our gratitude." --Michael & Linda

"I enthusiastically recommend Gay Children, Straight Parents as a must-read for every parent facing the difficult discovery of their child's homosexuality. Richard's compassionate approach relieves the stigma and shame often associated with a loved-one's homosexual struggle. Whether a parent has just found out or is years into their journey with their gay son or daughter, they will glean understanding, support, guidance and encouragement in their ongoing efforts to love their child well." --Janelle M. Hallman, M.A., LPC

About the Author

Richard Cohen, M.A., is a psychotherapist and educator in the field of sexual reorientation therapy, and the author of Coming Out Straight (Oakhill Press) and Alfie's Home (IHF). He is the director of the International Healing Foundation (IHF) based in Washington, D.C.

Product Details

• Paperback: 233 pages
• Publisher: Intervarsity Press (October 22, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0830834370
• ISBN-13: 978-0830834372
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #666,735 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 80 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars I implore you to think twice before you buy this book, February 21, 2010

By 

E. Moore (Hartford, CT) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing (Paperback)

I am a licensed clinical psychologist (PhD) and work as a clinician, researcher, and professor. I believe I am well qualified to review this book (probably more qualified than Mr. Cohen was to write it). I am mainly writing this review for the people who might buy this book without being aware that it is not what they think it is.

First, please understand who Mr. Cohen is and is not. He is not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or any kind of legaly recognized mental health professional. He has never been licensed in any state and was booted out of the American Counseling Association for unethical practices/exploiting his patients. One of his most well-known therapeutic techniques involves holding his male patients on his lap. He has repeatedly demonstrated this on national television. His is an evangelical, fundamentalist member of the Unification Church. This church vehemently opposes homosexuality and has compared gay people to "dirty dung-eating dogs."

Second, please be aware that Mr. Cohen's explanation of the "causes" of homosexuality were popular in the 1950s and have since been disproven by a mountain of research. His "reparative therapy" has also been handily discredited and rejected as both ineffective and potentially harmful by the American Psychological Association, American Pychiatric Association, and by all mainstream mental health and medical organizations. Many of the statistics used in this book are outdated, taken out of context, or have been firmly discredited. It is inexscusable for Mr. Cohen to use this incorrect information and, on national television, even he has admitted that some of the information he used is incorrect and should be removed.

If your child has found the impressive courage to come out to you, please work to accept them for who they are. This might take time, but it's well worth it. I've seen many families become so much closer and stronger through this process. Please do not be misled by fringe misinformation and believe that your loved one can or should change. This can be incredibly damaging - I've seen it first-hand.

If you are a parent looking for a book to assist you in navigating this process, please consider Bernstein's book. And think about joining PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Thanks so much for reading - I wish you all the best.

39 of 57 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Deliberately misleading title...Robert Bernstein's is the book you want, December 10, 2009

By 

a reader (Philadelphia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing (Paperback)

Cohen's book is deliberately confusingly titled, "Gay Children, Straight Parents." There is another book entitled "Straight Parents, Gay Children," by Robert A. Bernstein that is pretty much the polar opposite of this book.

Reading the amazon.com product descriptions makes the differences loud and clear, but a parent who gets a recommendation for Bernstein's book very well might end up with Cohen's instead because of an honest mistake on their part and an intentionally sleazy ytactic on the part of Cohen.

Bernstein's book: "shows the parents of gay children how to stop merely tolerating their kids and start being their heroes." Bernstein is an ardent supporter of P-FLAG, and amazon.com endorses his book with a positive review, as does Booklist.

Cohen's book: "a practical, helpful book for parents who want to understand why their kids are so angry and what they need to do to change." That's the back cover copy, not a review or endorsement by amazon.com, Booklist, Publisher's Weekly, or any other legit reviewers. Because, you know, gayness is caused by ANGER. Yup. The cover blurbs are all from other anti-gay 'counselors' with M.A. degrees (which we all know could be a master's in anything, and is not in and of itself a sign that anyone is a legitimately trained psychotherapist)and the phony LPC 'credential' (not recognized by the APA). It is published by Intervarsity Press, which is a fundamentalist Christian company.

Deliberate obfuscation is nefarious hatred, pure and simple.

The sad thing is that amazon shows that people who buy Bernstein's book often buy Cohen's book as well. This is clearly a deliberate attempt by Cohen to get parents who might otherwise be willing and able to accept a gay or bi child, sexual orientation and all, to doubt any impulses towards understanding and embracing a gay child for who s/he is.

And it gets worse: there are passages in this book that say race - yes, race, as in the color of your skin - is one of the ten possible causes of homosexuality. Cohen's website also mentions physical disability. There are unfounded 'statistics' based on 'research' by unlicensed psychologists claiming gay people are 40 times more likely to be pedophiles, whereas legit research shows that most sex offenders are married heterosexual men with children. This book was also distributed to, cited, and emphatically endorsed by the political groups in Uganda who tried to pass a law stipulating the death penalty for those caught having gay sex. This is NOT something anyone with a gay child should read. And really, do you really think your kid turned out gay because you didn't bond with him as a baby? Really? The 'blame the parent' theory for mental illness (which homosexuality is not - look in the DSM-IV; it isn't in there) went out with the 1960s.

3 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Prey-Away-the-Gay and their families, July 27, 2011

By 

Dave Cooperberg (San Francisco, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing (Paperback)

I don't know Cohen's real story; he is entitled to say what he thinks it is. But the trouble with books like this, the "Pray-Away-the-Gay," is that they really are "Prey-Away-the-Gay, in that they tend to further victimize families who are struggling with understanding they have a Gay or Lesbian child.