Customer Reviews

Gay and Single...Forever?: 10 Things Every Gay Guy Looking for Love (and Not Finding It) Needs to Know

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

HI!
I forced myself to read this book twice.. once to simply tread, push, soldier, and wade through the pages of the author's sexcapades, his constant whining/pining, blaming, Ecstasy-induced, Cocaine-facilitated liaisons and to deal with the bleak future he gives gays--some from the interviews he conducted, but most from his own recollections.

My second reading was conducted to really go at it with a determination to be both objective and fair. I liked some of the realities and some of the socio-evolutionary findings. Yet, unfortunately, the second reading made me far more depressed than the first!

Is being a gay single defined solely as a life of clubbing, doing drugs, being obsessed with the body perfect (both yours and the body of the one you're interested in), having to work long hours to have money for a "plastic surgery fund", having sex at bath houses or with prostitutes (oh sorry.. they prefer to be called "escorts".. I tend to call things as they are) or F-buddies (call it what it is!), and basically whining about loves lost and this dark, dank, depressive whole he'd call a life; all the while trying to defy convention and not turning into, as he calls it, a "bitter sheila", but knowing you are slowly becoming one??

The advice he gives could have been given succinctly with clear bullet points and other resources; thereby cutting the book's size in half--and thus saving some of us the vapid tedium of wading through what amounts to a cross between "Bitter Sex and the City" and "Confessions of a Circuit Club Queen".

If his attempt was to be a mentor/role model that single, gay guys look up to, he failed! After the second reading of his book I was half-tempted to fix myself a Drain-o cocktail and end it all.

While there are parts of the book that were pretty interesting and actually hopeful (especially the sections and snippets where it's important to have friends who are in some ways truly family), the book as a whole was a total downer. I had expected much more in the way of positive, real-world realities, and a little less of his cruising confessional. If anything, he gave us a work that screams "WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW NOT TO BE"!!

Yeah, I'm really disappointed with this work.

Sorry, this book wasn't for me. I gave it a chance, but its language just didn't reach out to me. But mostly, it just wasn't practical enough for me. There were interesting stories shared, like the one where the "friends with benefits" guy actually steps up and helps the author paint in a moment of crisis. Don't get me wrong, that was really sweet. There were a few moments like that.

But I'm newly single and trying to figure out how to date, and this didn't help me do that. I was looking for bulleted lists. Checklists. Nuts and bolts. Succinct and discrete steps. I didn't get that.

To sum it up in one word: Vapid. Written by and about exactly the type of gay man(?) who makes me want to renounce my homosexualty. I am half way through this book and don't think I will be able to finish it. The meat of this book is a collection of woeful societial oppression collected & cited from other's works. It seems like a shallow circuit queen's way of excusing her own failure in the relationship arena.

I don't mean to seem bitter, but for around $10.85 Charlotte Kasl's "If the Buddha Dated" is a much better way to get in touch with yourself; Which seems to be the core message of this book.

Berenzai's book makes for the 11th thing I should know about being gay and single.

This book is one of the most thorough works of the existing literature around on gay men and relationships. The author has done an excellent job researching romantic love and the love lives of gay men and why so many are still single. Without pathologizing single gay men or the gay male community he presents a balanced and objective viewpoint of why so many gay men stay single. Hopefully this will end any shame single gay men might feel and take on all the blame!

I can definitely say this book has changed my life. Author Steven Bereznai speaks with such honesty, without the sacharine coating of self-help books, that I felt I was dealing with someone who understood the emotional turmoil of singlehood, and gay culture itself. There is poignant humor when talking about his mother (very Margaret Cho), easy to understand science when discussing the evolution of homosexuality and homosociability, and borderline spirituality when revealing how some one night stands have dramatically altered the course of his life.

This book gave me a new perspective on life. Being gay and single most of my adult life I felt a sense of guilt when not in a relationship. Bereznai analyzes some of the reasons why westernized culture puts pressure on everyone, including gay men, to be a couple. His writing is both funny, intelligent and inspiring. I highly recommend this book to any gay man that is having guilt over not being in a relationship.

Books arent going to please everyone... some will speak to some and not others. That being said, I found this a nice read. This book doesnt present groundbreaking information, per se, but it does provide some good information and insightful views.

When I first started reading 'Gay and Single....Forever?' I wanted others to read it. I then thought that my coupled friends wouldn't understand it so why tell them about it. When I finished it I wanted to give a copy to all my friends that are in a string of never ending long term relationships and say, "you want to know what it is like being me? - read this book!"

Steven Bereznai touched upon so many things that you don't talk about with your coupled friends so you think that you are the only one experiencing them. He has so many of the same memories and experiences that I myself have had, it was uncanny at times. I have read other books about Cultures of Desire and Male Couple guides, and many had some interesting points, but I related to this book from start to finish. It was very hard to put down.

As I began reading, I found there were many things I wanted to highlight, as I do when I am reading a book or article for work, but I felt that it would be absurd to use a yellow highlighter on a book I was reading for pleasure. I decided to just turn down the corner edge on a page where I read a phrase of interest. By the end, I had marked so many pages, because there was a phrase or paragraph that hit home, that half the corners of the book are now turned down.

There should be discussion groups set-up to discuss this book and I'd be the first to sign-up.

What a great read!

Almost finished with this book and its been pretty good reading. Makes you think especially if you are a single gay man. Especially if you are a more mature gay man who has been dating for a long while. Good book!

Not the deepest of books, but a fun read. Some of the highly rated negative reviews here just prove the author's central thesis, namely that gay people have so internalized heteronormative coupledom that alternative lifestyles have become largely despised even among gay people, and gay singles have become a target of prejudice from within our own community. Note the knee-jerk prejudice amongst some reviewers here against lifestyles that may include friends with benefits, circuit parties, or sex clubs. Another reviewer claims that the book is an attempt at "excusing [the author's] own failure in the relationship arena," thus (unwittingly) just proving the author's point.

If you are "newly single and trying to figure out how to date", as one reviewer states, this book is not intended for you, being about acceptance of happy singlehood. If you have been indoctrinated by the New Victorian gay politics to the extent that the idea of lasting friendships with benefits, sex clubs, or (gasp) escorts make you faint, then this book is not for you either.

This book describes one guy's journey towards being happily single by choice, and discusses the prejudice he and other single people encounter along the way, the political reasons for it, and how attitudes towards singles have changed from the single- and alternative lifestyle-positive 70s to the current more oppressive environment. Along the way there are some interesting eye-openers, including an account of explicit attempts at creating prejudice against singles by some of those involved in the fight for gay marriage. The author's own life experiences are probably one of the the weaker points of the book. After all, at the tender age of 32, he is barely out of his gay adolescence. Though fun to read, the book is no "chicken soup for the single soul", but then, if you want something that facile, you know where to find it.