Customer Reviews

Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled--and More Miserable Than Ever Before

5 star:		(48)
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3 star:		(12)
2 star:		(14)
1 star:		(15)

 

 

I'd describe this book as an interesting yet flawed work- it raises some interesting questions, but often fails to follow through with incisive analysis.

Any book that attempts to describe "a generation" is going to raise objections of over-generalization and, therefore, anyone who writes such a book really should start by explaining just why, exactly, this is a useful characterization. At a minimum, there are problems of periodization, inclusiveness, and timeliness.

Some generations have been shaped by world-historical events (e.g., WWII, Cold War, Great Depression) but, since that does not seem to be the case here, then why define a generation as beginning in 1973 instead of 1982, or 1989? And, although the author beats pretty hard on the diversity drum, her observations often seem entirely centered on her own white, liberal, upper-middle-class self. Perhaps that's inevitable, but, if her "generation" generalities do not include those who are non-white, non-liberal, or non-middle-class then she should explicitly say so.

The primary thesis of this book seems to be that a sort of extreme individualism is characteristic of her "Generation Me." One problem with this is that it may be too soon to say- after all, a similar survey of young adults in 1928 might have reached similar conclusions, yet a survey of the same people in 1948 might well have discovered a greater accommodation to collective action and personal sacrifice. Also, she seems to define "generations" largely on the basis of a shared common popular culture without any apparent awareness that conformity to an omnipresent, highly commercialized popular culture just might be antithetical to a more authentic individuality.

The book seemed particularly weak in discussing family and marriage. There seems to be a good deal of evidence that, on average, married people are healthier, wealthier, and happier than otherwise-similar singles- and that the reason for this is that the relative permanence and security of marriage promote a commingling of assets and labor specialization- a co-dependence, if you will- that is seldom found among non-married co-habiting couples. Yet, duty and obligation- even if mutual, and voluntarily assumed- surely restrict one's absolute freedom! And so, this book would have been far stronger had the author explored the trade-offs between the freedom to do whatever, whenever against the the freedom to voluntarily bind oneself to durable commitments of duty and obligation to others.

In all, I wouldn't characterize this as a bad book- just an unfinished one. It does raise important questions.

First, the high points. The author has a lot of interesting survey data that she uses compare the attitudes of "baby boomers" and "generation me".

She shows how today's youth are much more accepting of other races, cultures and sexual orientations; how people are open about their feelings; how women no longer face the kind of discrimination that they did 30 years ago; how young people want to do fulfilling things with their lives and are more self-reliant than ever.

And of course we see the downside: narcissism due to what can only be described as too much self-esteem; an unwillingness to take personal responsibility; too much of a focus on money and celebrity; and an epidemic of depression that no one has yet found a cause for.

The contrast between the generations is very interesting - dating someone outside your race is no longer an issue; the average woman in 2005 has a more aggressive personality (as measured by her survey) than the average man did in 1968. All cool stuff, and it would have been great if the author could have distilled the most significant of these differences into a single chapter.

Unfortunately, she didn't, and I found this to be a very frustrating read overall. She discusses the mismatch between the ambitions of young people and the careers they ultimately end up in. She is right to question kids who want to be "made" into famous hip-hop stars or models or actors, but she also sneers at all of the kids who want to be doctors, lawyers, dentists, etc.

She devotes pages - if not chapters - to the idea that "work should suck" and that young people should not expect to find their dream jobs, let alone fulfilling employment - but then when she discusses what young people can do to be more realistic, she lauds two 25-year-olds who quit their jobs and biked across the US to raise money for charity.

To make matters worse, she chides young people for being cynical about the government, and then chides them for not being cynical enough about their jobs. To top it all off, she thens admits that, as a professor, she "[doesn't] know much about nonacademic career paths".

One thing she does know - and she repeats it numerous times in the book - is that not just anyone out there can become a college professor like her. In many ways, this book feels like the author's attempt to get back at people who made fun of her and wronged her when she was growing up. Even though she's 33 years old and some of the subjects she talks to are 12, she often calls this "her generation" and makes generalizations about it based on her experience. She writes: "Publish the damn honor roll...[I]t's [a] small bit of high school glory enjoyed by the kids who will someday be our doctors and lawyers." Though of course she cautions against encouraging even the smartest and most capable students lest they become convinced that they don't need to work hard to accomplish their goals.

Ultimately, she ends up blaming the victims. Today's 15-to-25-year-olds don't run the world, their parents do. For all her talk about personal responsibility, she devotes exactly one sentence to telling parents that they bear some of the blame for how their kids have turned out.

The author had the opportunity to write something substantial about the changes that have happened over the last two generations. Instead, she decided to write a polemic against people who are not just like her. This will certainly appeal to anyone who likes to believe that "these damn kids are so disrespectful these days", but an insightful book, it's not.

I was very excited to read this book after perusing all of the positive reviews on Amazon and other sites. As I began the book, it did not disappoint. The author seemed to have a real insight into generational differences, and had fantastic research to back up many of her points.

While it was presented well, her foundational assertions are incorrect. To combine people born in the early 70s with those born in the 90s is fundamentally flawed on so many levels that it is hardly worth discussing. The research dividing post 1964 generations into gen x and generation next or gen y is far more compelling and in much more abundance than anything presented in this text. Her explanation of why her definitions are superior to these is woefully inadequate.

While the beginning of the book is made up of one insight after another backed up by some quality and unique research. The rest of the book is one point of hearsay after another backed up by quotes from Dawson's Creek and Teen magazines. Seriously! I was shocked that a supposed academic would use dialogue from a television show as insight into a generation, and then have the audacity to call it "research". She would actually use fictional television dialogue to lend support to her analysis. If she hoped to define a generation, a lot more is needed than pop culture references.

The final part of the book I will address is the recommendations section at the very end of the book. She recommends the government create national childcare, expand public school to 3 and 4 year olds, and change school hours. What does this have to do with her topic??? Nothing!!! Where did this come from? The only connection to her text is her complaints about the high cost of living. Let us look into those complaints a little while we are on the topic. She complains that the cost of living is so high in highly desirable metropolitan areas that young people out of college cannot afford to live there on one salary, and that women have to work to afford this type of housing. You mean to tell me that we live in a society where those straight out of college cannot buy into the most desirable 2% of the housing market in this country. What a tragedy. Does she realize that the starting salary of a college graduate could afford to put the roof over the heads of a spouse and children in every county in this country? It may not be the nice housing in San Diego that she seems to see as minimally acceptable, but it is housing. She describes her generation as being one of entitlement, and then goes on to unknowingly prove it through her asinine series of recommendations at the end of the text.

I was born in 1959 and my son in 1984. The book helped me to see myself as a member of my generation. I was born and spend first 30 years of my life in Russia and would never expect to fit description of American baby boomers. Never-the-less a lot of things are pretty true for me.

The book helped me to understand why my son does what he does. Even though he is pretty intelligent, his expectations do not correspond to the reality. I am giving this book to him, hoping it will help him come to earth sooner. I think that having so many enlightening stories about similar young people will help him see himself in more real light.

I value this book as a parent/child/understanding toolkit. I don't have an opinion on how much input it added to psych research, neither do I care about this view. Having a lot of negative reviews (from my perspective) often illustrates that the truth hurts. A natural way to deal with pain is denial.

I think this book explains a great deal about the attitudes of the current generation.

I can understand how the self-esteem movement got started: if children are constantly told "you're stupid, you're ugly, you can't do anything right, you'll never amount to anything", they will think poorly of themselves and grow up to be under-achievers because they lack self-confidence.

HOWEVER...

it does not follow that children who are constantly told how fabulous, wonderful and special they are will grow up to be successful adults!

Case in point: a twenty-something of my acquaintance quit her highly-paid job in outrage because her supervisor dared to criticize her! His criticism? That clients and co-workers were complaining that she was rude and patronizing towards them...

Another case: a Canadian Idol judge expressed his amazement, in an interview, that would-be contestants reacted with incredulity when told they had absolutely no talent and should forget their dreams of becoming a singing star. They were convinced, he said, that if they wanted to be a star badly enough, then they would become a star...just because they wanted it.

So, to all the reviewers who have reacted quite nastily to this book and the author's premise - she's right!

This is a well-written and well-researched book that shows how detrimental our focus on self-esteem and self-fulfillment has become for the current generation. Some excerpts:

"Self-esteem programs are empty and shortsighted. Self-esteem based on nothing does not serve children well in the long run. It is better for children to develop real skills and feel good about accomplishing something."

"Extensive review of the research on self-esteem found that self-esteem does not lead to better grades, improved work performance, decreased violence, or less cheating. People with high self-esteem are often more violent and more likely to cheat."

"Instead of creating well-adjusted, happy children, the self-esteem movement has created an army of little narcissists. Narcissism is a very negative personality trait linked to aggression and poor relationships with others. Children are naturally self-centered; growing up is the process of learning how to empathize with other people."

5 things parents and teachers can do:

1. Get rid of the phrases, "You can be anything you want to be" and "Never give up on your dreams." Both statements are totally untrue. You can't be good at everything... no one is. And, sometimes you have to put true desires on hold while you deal with practical matters such as paying the bills and managing unexpected events. Even a very skilled baseball player is unlikely to make it all the way to the major leagues. An incredibly talented actress probably won't become a movie star. Young people shouldn't be discouraged from these professions, just made aware of how difficult it probably will be.

2. Get rid of "You must love yourself before you can love others." Narcissists are horrible relationship partners... duh! We develop a sense of ourselves from our relationships with others, and people who have good relationships with others are happier, less depressed, and have higher self-esteem.

3. Do not automatically side with your child. If a child says she failed a test because the teacher was unfair, defending her by going after the teacher shows her that she can blame others for her problems. Instead, children should learn to identify what they could have done to get a better grade. Children who believe that the grades are just arbitrarily decided by the teacher may not see any point in studying.

4. Limit exposure to violence. Huge amounts of scientific evidence show that kids exposed to violent media go on to act aggressively in real life. Some will say, "I played violent video games, and I am not a violent person." That may be true, but science shows average effects across hundreds of people, not individual experiences.

5. Junk the self-esteem movement, and instead teach self-control and good behavior. Self-control is linked to success in life. Help your children to see the consequences of the actions in their lives. If a child cries for a piece of candy at the store, and you give it to her, she has just learned that crying is an effective way to get what you desire. So, she will cry when she wants something next time, because that worked last time. Instead, give treats for good behavior. Don't cave in just because it temporarily feels better. Teach your children the importance of working toward goals. Discipline doesn't always mean punishment. It usually means not rewarding poor behavior, and praising good behavior.

Initially I was excited by this book. As an anthropologist, the many differences between generations are a subject that never fails to fascinate. Unfortunately, while the author tosses out great statistics indicating fair research, she couches it all in an `I, me, my, mine' framework. This focuses the book not so much on a generation that may differ from those who came before but on the author herself, her education, her college years, and her friends. The overall impression is an unstructured book justifying why they themselves are having trouble with the joys and trials of living life.
If the reader is looking for another whining confused confessional please continue. If you are looking for a book that may lend insight in to why the under 30 crowd do what they do then I would recommend that you read elsewhere.

This intriguing book sends a powerful and controversial message: if we don't want our kids to grow up being conceited, selfish, self-centered, egomaniacs who can't deal with rejection or hardships in their life, then we need to stop telling them that they are special and that they are the center of the universe. This is, of course, in direct contradiction to everything you hear nowadays everywhere from schools to the media. Messages like: "You can do anything/be anything if you put your mind to it/if you just try," "You are special," "Having high self-esteem is important," "Love yourself first," etc. The book challenges these kinds of statements and shows how they are detrimental to our youth.

I found this book to be highly readable and a real page-turner, full of interesting (if not shocking) facts and statistics and lots of references to pop culture and current events that most young people can relate to. It is a book both for Generation Me-ers and their parents.

We are indeed in a dire state of things when most kids believe that they are special above everyone else, that self-esteem is the most important quality, that loving yourself is more important than loving others, and that to heck with everyone else at the expense of yourself.

This book argues convincingly that our constant barrage at telling kids that they are special and #1 in everything (even when they're not) is actually detrimental to them. These kids with such supposedly high self esteem and independent minds are bound to end up alone and lonely because nobody will be able to stand them.

Although the book does an excellent job at outlining the problem in painstaking detail, I wish it would do more to suggest solutions to these problems. I found myself asking, "OK, I am outraged - now what do we do about this as parents?" The author suggests stopping these self-esteem movements at the school level, but what can you do in the home? Is it really realistic to tell parents not to tell their kids they are special, not to proudly hang up their "works of art" on the fridge, not to have personalized items in their rooms celebrating their names, their achievements, and their personalities? What is the alternative? The only possible solution that I could glean from this book is to tell your kids that sure, they are special - but so are others.

Overall, the book offers a positive message and I love how it contradicts and goes against modern wisdom to offer a new perspective. I wish it offered more answers to its own questions, but this is definitely a must-read for anyone interested in the state of our youth today - from parents, to educators, to the kids themselves. I think everyone would benefit from reading this book.

Excellent read addressing issues of the teens today. As a teacher of 11-14 year olds and being in my 20s, I identify with this book on almost all levels. I also find myself quoting this and recommending to everyone. It's definitely being a Christmas gift for some colleagues and family members this year!

I thoroughlly enjoyed this book. Dr. Twenge does a great deal of research and presents it all in a non-confusing, non-overwhelming manner. It's an engaging book and gave me quite a bit to think about. I have recommended this book already half a dozen times to collegues and friends who are interested in engaging Gen-Me.

(disclosure: I'm a Gen-Me. I resonated with a lot of the book from that perspective although I originally read it to understand the younger part of the Gen-Me demographic.)