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Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue

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This should be essential reading for any thinking pastor who seeks to help his or her congregation grow spiritually and psychologically. It is filled with ways of thinking about relationships that challenge and expand our normal definitions of what works and what doesn't. It moves beyond addressing intellectual techniques and tools to showing a person how to lead the emotional process in a congregation or a family.

I read Generation to Generation because I was looking for ways to become a better pastor. What I found was that it helped me as much or more in my own personal life and my marriage, which in turn made me a more effective pastor. It addresses leadership on every level.

"Generation to Generation" by Edwin Friedman is a groundbreaking book on the dynamics of organizational and religious leadership as seen through the lens of the multi-generational family systems model. In the book, Friedman uses case studies and examples drawn from his own leadership experience and uses them to illustrate how leadership can be understood and transformed by having an awareness of three major systems that directly affect organizational leadership:

1. the personal multi-generational family system of the leader

2. the organization itself as a system with both functional and dysfunctional elements

3. the family systems of those person within the organization- for a religious congregation this would be the families within the congregation; for a company it would be that of the employees; for a hospital, it would be that of the employees, volunteers and patients who comprise that organization, etc.

Friedman brilliantly shows how these three sets of systems intertwine with one another to make an organization function in a certain way. He asserts that by better understanding the dynamics of these systems and how they affect one another, leaders can move from a transactional style of leadership to one that is more transformational in the way it functions.

In addition, Friedman's book is a tremendously helpful resource in seeking to gain a better understanding of one's own family of origin issues and how these dynamics manifest themselves in our relationships throughout the life cycle.

In this sense, this book will be greatly beneficial, not only for leaders, but also for lay people as well as caregivers.

The book is challenging reading in spots, but well worth the effort- get this book of you have not done so already- it will change your perspective on leadership and life.

Utilizing Murray Bowen's multi-generational family systems model as a framework, Friedman has crafted a book that offers tremendously practical insights in the area of organizational leadership, as well as personal development. The book significantly enhances one's understanding of the connection between one's role in their family of origin and role in organizational leadership. He rightly asserts that one's family of origin role interrelates to how one functions in an organization, in addition to how the organization functions as a whole. I highly recommend this book to anyone in a position of leadership; for those who want to gain further insight into their family of origin issues, or want to learn about Bowen's multi-generational approach to family systems theory.

This book has a reputation of revolutionizing the way its readers view congregational life. Based on his experience as a rabbi and marriage and family therapist, the late Ed Friedman gives the most comprehensive and practical understanding of congregations as emotional systems. Conflicts are explained not from a linear standpoint, i.e. "A causes B," but from a systemic perspective where all participants are contributors. Each part of the system is connected to, or has its own effect upon, every other part. This helps to explain why many "issues" that arise within a congregation cannot be settled on the level of content, but must be viewed as representations of how the persons surrounding the issues are participating in the relational system. "Issues" may seem settled, but if the relational system continues to function the same way, the same or other "issues" will reappear later, because they were merely symptomatic of the emotional dynamics among the people involved. This book begins by explaining the major concepts of family systems theory, and applies them to organizational life, leadership, and the leader's family. It is full of examples, which makes these complex ideas easier to grasp. Few books are as insightful and helpful in equipping church leaders to understand congregations. It is the standard in applying family systems theory to congregations.

This is a book to be absorbed slowly.

I don't think I can summarize this book any better than Friedman himself does on page 1: "It is the thesis of this book that all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our own. Because the emotional process in all of these systems is identical, unresolved issues in any one of them can produce symptoms in the others, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective functioning in all three."

This book will invite you to take a good, hard look at your own functioning. "There is an intrinsic relationship between our capacity to put families together [or, Friedman would also say, to put congregations together] and our ability to put ourselves together" (page 3). Friedman looks at family issues and congregational issues from a systems perspective, arguing that when a member of a family (or a congregation) is demonstrating "symptoms," it is necessary to look at the whole network of relationships that that individual is involved in -- because the root cause of the problem may lie in a completely different part of the system.

Friedman illustrates in detail how clergy can positively effect change in a family system or a congregational system. He also (somewhat indirectly) stresses the critical importance for clergy to resolve their own lingering family-of-origin issues.

The book is heavy reading -- full of terms that may be unfamiliar (and that, unfortunately, he doesn't directly explain, which can be confusing at first), such as "identified patient" and "self-differentiation" and "detriangulating." Frankly, I think he could have used a good editor, so that the book would be more accessible to people who are new to the concepts of Bowen family systems theory.

But don't miss this book. Read it, slowly. Digest it. Read a few pages at a time, then put it down and process what you have read before trying to proceed further. It took me months to work through the book. But I'm a heck of a lot stronger and wiser than I was when I first started. This book will help you grow.

Then, if you want to keep learning and applying the concepts in this book, read Friedman's unfinished manuscript, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (available through the Edwin Friedman Trust), and/or do a Google search on The Center for Family Process in Bethesda, Maryland.

I must have read this book twenty times since I was assigned to to read it in 1992, and it has grown on me. At first reading, the concepts that Friedman presents may seem contrived and counter-intuitive. However, after being in a leadership role in my church for some time now, this book is an absolute life saver. Leadership by self-definition is the most difficult, but the only honest and edifying way to leadership.

Friedman's seminal work in the application of Bowen Family Systems Theory to congregational life (Jewish and Protestant) has become a modern classic. More than just "theory" Friedman's book offers examples of the application through the lens of both pastor (rabbi) and therapist. This book provides the key to both healthy leadership and functional, healthy religious systems.

Edwin Friedman is a rabbi, consultant, and scholar who is a pioneer in applying Bowen Family Systems Theory toward leadership in congregational (church and synagogue) settings.

Bowen Family Systems Theory is a theory that relies heavily on emotional processes--how emotionally mature a person is, the emotional reaction to anxiety, and managing one's emotions. This theory also advocates growing in emotional maturity via self-differentiation, staying in contact with others (friends and foes), and resolving conflict with parents and other family members.

Friedman takes this Bowen Theory (used mainly for family counseling to this point) and applies it to the church "family." His intended reader is a congregational pastor, priest, or rabbi. Bouncing from theory to practice, Friedman breaks down the various complex emotional processes for the reader/leader and empowers him to achieve greater emotional maturity.

Part I: Family Theory is a basic summary of Bowen Theory with a focus on concepts like "anxiety," "triangles," and "self-differentiation" even while focusing on the role of the leader. He emphasizes that the emotional maturity of any person in a family positively or negatively effects the emotional maturity of others in the family.

Part II: The Families within the Congregation examines the congregation as a collection of people with their own families of origin. Pastors frequently provide spiritual counseling for parishioners experiencing family conflict (husband versus wife, parents versus child, etc.). Here, Friedman presents a paradigm for counseling using the Bowen Theory. Instead of trying to solve the problem between (for example) husband and wife, the pastor considers that there might be more behind this conflict. He equips the couple to solve their own conflict by encouraging them to work on their relationship with others (e.g. their parents, uncles, etc.).

Part III: the Congregation as a Family System is the meat of "Generation to Generation." It is highly practical as it teaches the pastor how, when, and why to become a more self-defined leader. He is specific, addresses pertinent questions and concerns, and warns the pastor as to certain pitfalls. If you read any chapter in this book, read Chapter 9: Leadership and Self in a Congregation Family.

Part IV: Personal Families of the Clergy equips the pastor to create healthier relationships within his adult family (spouse and children) and with his family of origin (parents and siblings). For many pastors, their leadership ability is hamstrung by their own unresolved conflict with their families.

For years, my professors and mentors have been strongly encouraging me to read "Generation to Generation," long regarded as a pioneering, foundational work in congregational leadership. I am sorry I waited so long. Not only is "Generation to Generation" exceptionally well-written in its prose, its structure and variety is excellent as well. Friedman makes a strong connection with his reader and does him the favor of presenting many case studies (to break up the sometimes weighty text). His practical suggestions are rooted in wisdom. He clearly understands emotional processes and the way congregations are run.

Like those before me, I cannot recommend "Generation to Generation" highly enough. It now ranks among the top-five most-influential books I have ever read.

Friedman's work has helped me in my ministry with congregations I have served over the last 12 years. I have used his work to help me understand the dilemas which I face as the spiritual leader of a congregation that is resistant to change. This is a great resource for any spiritual leader.

Intense, stirring, emotional and enlightening! This book is the source of intergenerational information that most would not consider doing looking into. Simply reconnecting or connecting for the first time with family members about "secrets" and history that effects each generation gives the family/individual that light bulb moment of knowledge and understanding. As a clergy professional I am continually interjected into family situations and this book has provided accurate guidelines to understanding not only how my own family functions but how every family in my congregations function. The power of this information has provided views into family history that has opened the eyes of every family/individual I have worked with.