The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense [Hardcover]

Suzette H Elgin (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1985

humorous look at defending yourself verbally

Product Details

• Hardcover: 310 pages
• Publisher: Dorset House Publishing Co Inc; First edition (June 1985)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0880290307
• ISBN-13: 978-0880290302
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #218,654 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

49 of 50 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars For those who need help in this area, this one is a Winner!, February 16, 2003

By 

Ellen "lnsoutherner" (United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defence (Hardcover)

There are certain members of my family whom I always wanted to avoid. I was not wrong, they are difficult to get along with, but that never made me feel better about myself.
It was an eye-opener to discover that with some few little pointers I could learn to get through a telephone conversation or even a dinner without feeling put-down and without getting successfully baited into a disagreement. And I have had to learn to not expect to feel only two inches tall with some of them!
The best part of her technique is learning to handle the attack without attacking back. Not having to resort to being mean, and not having to participate in any arguments at all. It was so simple that I almost feel stupid for not having been able to figure it out on my own. Now I'm only kind of mad that there are people against whom I might need to defend myself, but it sure helps to know how to do it.
The other great part is that I learned that I also indulged in a little verbal attacking, as well, though, because I had learned it in my family, I did not recognize it as such. After the initial horror at myself I am pleased that I no longer need to do that.
This book may not be needed by everyone, but if you can't understand why you always feel put down or angry around certain people this book will almost definitely help.

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, March 6, 2001

By 

Elizabeth Naime (Kansas, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defence (Hardcover)

This remains the very best book ever written on the subject. I own several copies... all out on loan at the moment! Dr. Elgin explains how to handle verbal attacks (some of which you may not have recognized as attacks although they started an argument and/or made you feel rotten) in ways that put a stop to hostile language with no loss of face on either side. Looking for one-upmanship tips and snappy comebacks? You won't find them here. What you WILL find are eary to understand, step by step instructions that will stop verbal abuse and leave room for real (necessary, useful) communication.

I think the first three books (The Gentle Art..., More on..., and The Last Word on...) are the cream of the crop, but any of her books on the subject will give you good information that you can put to use at once.

61 of 70 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars A Mixed Bag: Analysis strong, Implications Weak., July 29, 2003

By 

William R. Toddmancillas (Chico, California United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defence (Hardcover)

Professor Elgin does a good job of analyzing verbal insults to reveal the presumptions underlying them, which we often sense but which we are unable to identify. She also rightly explains that responding to the conclusions reached by our adversaries--but ignoring the presumptions--simply impales us more deeply on their verbal hooks. Her suggestions, however, for dealing with these insults are somewhat in error. Her recommendation that we respond to the presumptions is correct, as allowing the verbal abuser to go unchallenged merely sets us up for further insult. What I find troubling, however, is the cheeky and indirect responses she recommends as retorts. The more straightforward of these responses are, it seems to me, appropriate. The more clever, indirect, and inappropriately neutral responses are, however, misguided, as they will ultimately lead to further animosity and serve to embed problematic interpersonal dynamics beneath a veneer of civil insult. Perhaps I would have found her analysis and recommendations more convincing had she systematically substantiated her analysis with references to credible literature. All things considered, I think that the forewarned reader can learn much of value from this book but only if they consider carefully the long-term implications of following her specific recommendations, some of which will be effective, and others of which are, in this reviewer's opinion, cheeky, indirect, unclear, and likely to provoke further insult.

Review written by an experienced Professor of Interpersonal Communication Studies.