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Gentle Giant: The Inspiring Story of an Autistic Child

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I am an autistic woman that loves to read books about others of my own kind -- but "Gentle Giant" was so painful I could barely handle reading it. "Grant" is forcibly held for hours, hit, tied to chairs, drugged, you name it. There is no show of awareness that Grant has any feelings, any desires, any needs, and his efforts to communicate in a manner natural to him are totally dismissed. He is, in short, treated like nothing more than a bothersome object, and it's deeply disturbing to read.

At one point, for example, his mother decides she wants to be cuddled. She shows no awareness that her son might not WANT to cuddle her. So she wraps herself around him like a boa constrictor, holding the terrified, screaming, panicked boy down until he goes limp from sheer exhaustion and falls asleep! She is then blissfully happy that she can cuddle her little rag-doll all she wants, and *she* enjoys it so much, she does it to the poor kid every day for hours. Her older son tries to tell her that it's obviously scary and traumatic for his brother, and she understands that it is, but she doesn't care; all that matters to her is getting what *she* wants.

It is true that we autistics like deep pressure. When I am upset, my partner will lie down on top of me (at MY request) so I can feel safe and the pressure quiets my neurological system. I've also had it done against my will by force, and it was terrifying and deeply upsetting. Having it done by choice, totally under my control, is like making love; being tackled and held down is more like being emotionally raped.

Many autism books like Elijah's Cup show how, with accommodation and true acceptance, we autistics can grow up to be happy, productive adults, using our talents and interests to our advantage. "Gentle Giant" showed, in gruesome detail, how the pro-cure mentality of forcing an autie to act "normal" results in an angry, depressed, dysfunctional and ultimately dead autistic. Yeah, they cured his autism -- he died at age 20 in an institution, supposedly of a seizure, though anybody that has researched such places is aware that their tendency to quickly resort to restraints causes frequent deaths that are then attributed to seizure.

If you read this book, I implore you, as an autistic myself, and in love with another autistic -- read it as a manual of how *not* to treat our kind. We are as deserving of humane, dignified treatment as you are, and we can find great joy in the world when we're allowed and aided in doing things in a way that matches our neurological needs.

Allow me to quote from the book itself:

"My first attempt was in the lounge in an easy chair and we struggled and fought for a good twenty minutes with Grant screaming, kicking, and struggling wildly to escape the vice-like determined grasp that his mother held on him. However, I would not let him go, despite the fight he made to break away, and eventually he fell asleep utterly exhausted and I felt triumphant. Here I was cuddling my child, although asleep, and I had held him in my arms for the longest time since his hospital tests. It was exciting and a challenge... I had brief visions of taking my 'cured' little boy by the hand into the local primary school! I survived on those dreams!
...
He [Grant's other brother] decided that he would demonstrate how he felt 'holding' might not help his brother. He picked me up and flattened me on the floor, sitting on top of me and pinning my arms to either side of my head! 'Struggle!' he commanded. I tried, but no way could I be released from his grip. 'Now,' he said, 'what do you feel like?'
'Trapped and frustrated,' I breathlessly replied.
'Quite,' he said, and released me!
Despite this I felt we should go ahead. Surely the idea was to make the child angry and frustrated so you break down their barriers, thus producing eye contact and speech... Most of the time Grant would look in any direction but our eyes and go deep into himself, refusing to let out any angers or frustrations. He had a resigned air of patience with a 'you can try all you like but I can stay shut off from what you are doing until you are fed up' attitude. I think it let out oodles of our own emotions if nothing else. If you spent nearly two hours to get this kind of reaction, you finished up feeling frustrated and downhearted at your lack of achievement. On the other hand, there were good sessions that might have been shorter, but much more satisfactory and made you feel that it was all worthwhile."

"Gentle Giant" is, in part, a loving and often funny account of a young man with autism who was clearly as gentle as the title suggests. If nothing else, it gives a very strong sense of how exhausting coping with an autistic child can be.

Yet there were also aspects of the book that I found saddening, even worrying. Wendy Robinson states at many points her faith that there was a normal child somehow "trapped" inside her autistic son, that the autistic boy was just a shell, not the real Grant. In some ways, her quest for a "miracle cure" seems to involve a rejection of the autistic son she describes so well and so affectionately. She praises a number of treatments, such as facilitated communication and holding therapy, which have been claimed to liberate the normal child supposedly trapped inside the autism, without mentioning that both of these have not only been scientifically discredited but also criticized as potentially extremely damaging to the autistic child and their family.

Many high-functioning people with autism such as Temple Grandin have made it clear that there is no normal person inside, and written movingly about their need to be accepted as they are. However difficult and sometimes frustrating living with an autistic person can be, rejecting them in favour of an imaginary normal child inside them is no solution.

This book is just as bad as Elisabeth and Niko Tinbergen's book entitled "Autistic Children: New Hope for a Cure." They tout enforced hugging as having a 100% success rate which simply isn't true. Their works including this one by Robinson are for the birds. That term came from birds pecking seeds which horses passed in their manure. The expression "for the birds" means of minimal value and from a very questionable source.

As much as I love reading books about people with autism, this one upset me greatly. I just cringed at the parts where Grant was held forcibly; struck, tied to chairs and given inappropriate medications. Talk about abuse!

What upset me the most was the total disregard for the boy's feelings and the tired old misperception that people with autism don't feel. That is a steaming crock of horse manure. Feeling is what autism is all about! Suggesting otherwise is not only cruel, it is a blatant fallacy.

Another upsetting part was when Grant made efforts to communicate his wishes and needs and was completely disregarded. I am so sick of people expecting those on the autism/Asperger's (a/A) spectrum to make ALL the social concessions to appease the NT world! Whatever happened to meeting one another halfway? The brutality described in this book sounds like something straight out of a "How to Exacerbate Autism" to me.

As a survivor of enforced hugging, which I absolutely detest and cannot in good conscience support, the parts where Grant's mother forces him to endure punitive and restrictive hugs with NO regard for HIS needs made me wince. It was for HER and not for her child! Speaking from experience, it is terrifying; painful; upsetting and shows a COMPLETE disregard for the one being subjected to this treatment. How cruel to take what is purportedly a loving gesture and convert it into something punitive and dreadful!

I knew a child with autism who hated hugs and ran from a relative who was notorious for swooping down on children with raucous displays of affection. From the child's perspective, the hugger appeared to be an attacker. From where that child stood, it can be extremely frightening to have somebody rushing and lungeing at you. Donna Williams, author of "Autism: An Inside Out Approach" does a stellar job of addressing the very real problem of enforced hugging. Indeed, Grant's older brother tries to get through to their mother that these punitive hugs are not in Grant's interests at all. He even spoonfed her a taste of her own bitter medicine, but even that failed to register. I was just disgusted with the way the mother subjected Grant to this treatment, knowing full well it was traumatic for him when it was just an emotional elixir for HER needs only.

Deep pressure relaxation is one thing. The best approach is to allow the person with autism to decide when to apply some soothing deep pressure massages. Since autism is a neurobiological condition that affects sensory integration and processing, it seems very stupid and counterproductive to expect people on the a/A spectrum to do a sensory about face when confronted with unpleasant and even painful stimuli. Letting the person with autism make the decision as to when to have this done is key; force does not work nor does it engender love. It can, in some cases sour people on hugs.

Books such as the Tinbergens' smug treatises on autism; the "Hug Therapy" books and Allen's "Holding Therapy" make me want to run for cover. The fallacy these books reinforce is that by continuing to enforce people to endure hugs, they will enventually cave in and like them. Not true. Donna Williams in "Autism: An Inside Out Approach" says this "emotional rape" just teaches the person with autism to "give the desired response" so as to be released from this. It just teaches forced submission.

I am sorry, but I cannot in good conscience recommend this book and have used it as an example of what NOT to do and how NOT to treat anybody. This is one of the worst books I have ever read to date on this subject. Please, please, do not, repeat, DO NOT subject people to this form of treatment. This book is just a manifesto of self-serving cruelty. Too bad there does not yet exist a bumper sticker that reads, "Have you NOT hugged your autistic child / parent/sibling / friend / spouse / partner today?"

I think Grant was a casualty of the "treatments" (sounded more like abuses to me) that he was forced to endure. I say wave that Enigma Banner proudly and declare to All & Sundry that the world is for EVERYONE and not just the neurotypical (NT) population. Just imagine the hue and cry and movements for reform that would take place if any NT person was subjected to the repeated abuses that Grant endured.

Gentle Giant, despite previous comments, is a book that exudes the unconditional love and strength of a mother towards her child. Although I have no children, I know that, to a mother, their child's happiness and well-being is paramount. Wendy's love for, and dedication to Grant is undeniable and can not be disputed for a second. Having worked with children with autism, I can not even begin to fathom the patience and strength of which Wendy and her family are such amazing examples. Wanting the best for Grant, Wendy followed the advice of experts, hoping to provide her child with the quality of life that all parents wish for their children. Gentle Giant is a must read for anybody, regardless of whether or not you have any connection to a person with autism. Above all, it is an inspiring glimpse into the lives of the Robinsons and the incredibly special and irreplacable light that Grant brought to their lives.

The story of a mother's unconditional and unfaltering love, Gentle Giant is a must-read. What a wonderful mother and wife Wendy Robinson is. Her love for Grant is so clearly evident throughout the book, and her attempts to find a solution to break down the wall that existed between Grant and the real world showed true devotion to her son. Wendy's story made me realise that raising my, now grown up and, thankfully, 'normal' sons was an absolute breeze. How would I have coped had I been in her shoes? Would I have had her strength, both mentally and physically? I can only hope that whoever gave her these gifts would have blessed me with them too. Mums (and dads), Gentle Giant is a book that will make you count your blessings. Bravo Wendy! YOU are inspiring

Contrary to other reviews, I want to highly recommend this book.Methods used were ones recommended by the professionals at that time and were carried out in a strictly controlled way.
I know this family and the love put out to Grant was paramount, and it shows through in the pages of the book. I recommended this book to many including professionals and the feed back was such that nobody could fail to see the dedication and total committment to improve the life of Grant, sometimes at great personal sacrifice.

This is why I feel that, if you are interested in Autism, it is a book that should be read.

The Gentle Giant is a remarkable book that everyone who has their lives touched by autism (and those who do not) should read. It is a moving and touching account of one family¹s life with autism. Wendy speaks candidly about what it is like to live with Grant and his autism on a daily basis. Grant reminded me in so many ways of my own son Alistair, of his highs and lows and of how every small positive step he takes is in reality a giant leap. She helped me to understand why I do the work that I do to try and unravel the tangled web that is autism. Whether we will every achieve this I do not know. I know that people like Grant and Alistair are very special and we are privileged to have known them. Thank you, Wendy, for telling us about your son. Our lives are richer for it.

Gentle Giant is a wonderful book about the life of an autistic boy, Grant. With an autistic brother myself I was moved both to tears and laughter by Grant's exploits. I would urge anyone with any link to autism to read this amazing book. It was so wonderful to read about all the things I knew and loved about my brother, Niall. I know my parents both felt the same and my mum was moved so much by this book that she wished to express her thanks to Wendy Robinson.

Good read, truthful and concise. A bit out of reach for most parents in terms of funding. UK seems to be much more liberal and accessable than parts of the USA. Wendy (the Mom) received incredible amounts of support form her community and seemed not to have issues with asking for help, or freely discussing her son's condition with anyone showing interest. After reading many medical books (I have a 6 yr old son that autism took 4 years ago) this was a shot in the arm as well as a much needed tear or two. Inspiring to say the least, I recommend it to any parent of an autistic child.