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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Moving...., August 23, 2008
This review is from: The Geography of Love: A Memoir (Hardcover)
Glenda Burgess, 30, a former U.S. State Department management analyst, leaves her job and returns home to Spokane, WA. By coincidence, she meets Ken Grunzweig, a 44-year old software executive in a café and falls in love. She learns that Grunzweig has been married twice before - his first wife died in his arms in a tragic car accident. His second wife was murdered shortly after they were separated and Grunzweig remained under suspicion for murder. Despite the wide age difference, the dark clouds of his prior marriages and dealing with consequences of being a "hated" step-mother to Grunzweig's teenage daughter, Burgess plunges ahead in a leap of faith. Her instinctive bet is a good one as the relationship blossoms into a beautiful romance and the birth of two children. The second half of the book centers around her husband acquiring and fighting cancer and the struggle they face battling the disease - with a particularly moving finish.
"The two of us would crawl across the days on nothing but heart and will if we had to."
In the memoir, Burgess also examines her own life and her relationship with her Mother - yearning to give her Mother love and yearning to receive her Mother's love - and never fulfilling either - her hands outreached to give and receive - and the connection never made. Heartbreaking...
Burgess' writing is direct, clear and to-the-point especially in her telling of the rapid deterioration of her husband's health and how she copes with it.
"All around me were patients in some part of a cycle: a cycle of beginnings and ends, of treatment, of illness, even chemotherapy as a palliative, a merciful extension of the inevitable, a kindness. Here I finally understood the corrosion of cancer on the human spirit. Cancer was gunning for Ken in this very room."
There are some terrific insights in her darkest moments as she copes -
"I had recently come to the conclusion that all we can do is row the boat we're in. Greet each day with the best of intentions - it's not given to us to set the compass, chart the stars, or make life work for everyone we love. We aren't given that power or control. We are only given the grace of intention."
And another passage:
"Who does this? I wondered. Who chooses a place of rest even as they hope for miracles? Who squabbles between burial or cremation, vault or niche, the monument - what size, color? Who buys adjoining gravesites for their kids? Some bizarre idea to keep the family together?"
I felt that this story was being told to me by a good friend - turning the pages and living through every ache, pain and loss. I did long for her to fill more of the gaps - to gain a better understanding of how her husband dealt with the death of his first wife and why he loved her so - and how he dealt with the murder of his second wife and accusations leveled against him. To get a deeper understanding about her husband's daughter and how she struggled with the murder of her mother and her dying Father and what she thought of Burgess. And finally, why her Mother had such a difficult time expressing her love for her.
I agree with the author's comments on the back of the book jacket - this is a very personal and emotionally moving story - with intimate moments of her life put on paper "to give people license to dissect and critique it, or worse yet, disregard it." Glenda Burgess, your love story will not be disregarded and will not be forgotten.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A beautiful and moving memoir, August 5, 2008
This review is from: The Geography of Love: A Memoir (Hardcover)
The Geography of Love is a beautiful, moving, uplifting, and heartbreaking memoir. Glenda Burgess has given us a remembrance of her marriage, and her husband that carries such a core of truth that it is difficult to put it down.
After a successful career with the State Department, Glenda has decided to return to the United States and start fresh. She meets a man, Ken, 13 years her senior who has already been widowed twice, his first wife died in a car accident, and his second wife was murdered in her bedroom while their toddler slept in the next room. His daughter has grown up emotionally scarred and her relationship with Ken is shaky and turbulent. With Ken's past and problems, most women would head for the hills, but Glenda had a sure belief that this could be good. Even though Ken had given up on the very idea of love, he too, managed one more leap of faith and together they built a life, a love and a wonderful family. Their faith and love would be tested in sad and painful ways, and yet, the love and devotion always manages to shine through.
This is a very sad book in many ways; it can bring you to tears at the most unexpected places. And yet it also can give you a deep sense of peace, a profound desire to have this kind of marriage, and a deep sense of gratitude if you already do. This was an ordinary happy family, and it's easy to see yourselves in the pages. Seeing how a couple can gain such strength from their relationship shows us that, perhaps we can all respond to the worst adversity possible with grace and dignity. Ken's compassion, consideration and kindness throughout the darkest of his days stand as an example to us all. The author's courage in reliving these times shows us yet another place to explore in the geography of our own lives.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Devastating book.... but so worth it, October 1, 2008
This review is from: The Geography of Love: A Memoir (Hardcover)
Let me state upfront that I picked this book up in kind of a hurry, not knowing much about it, other than "early-30s woman finally finds true love with older guy (mid-40s)". So imagine my surprise when I started reading this book.
In the first third of "The Geography of Love" (310 pages), author Glenda Burgess retells how she unexpectedly found true love with Ken, a man 14 years her senior, someone who had lost two previous wives (one to a car accident, another to a (potentially suspicious) murder, of all things. It made me turn the pages, and when at one point Ken says out of the blue "I can't do this anymore", when the couple had 2 small children, I feared the worst (as in: he wants to leave the marriage). But Ken was referring to a corporate job he didn't want to do any longer.
After that, the book takes a completely unexpected turn, and where the book really takes off. Ken is discovered to have a cancer of some sort, and the second half of the book deals with how Glenda and Ken are dealing with this. This is when the book becomes a devastating read. I found myself choking back a number of times, particularly in the last 50 pages or so. Separate but simultaneously with all this, the author brings a great portrait of other family members, including in particular her challenging relationship with her mother. In all, I was very taken by this book. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
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