Customer Reviews

The Geography of Love: A Memoir

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Glenda Burgess, 30, a former U.S. State Department management analyst, leaves her job and returns home to Spokane, WA. By coincidence, she meets Ken Grunzweig, a 44-year old software executive in a café and falls in love. She learns that Grunzweig has been married twice before - his first wife died in his arms in a tragic car accident. His second wife was murdered shortly after they were separated and Grunzweig remained under suspicion for murder. Despite the wide age difference, the dark clouds of his prior marriages and dealing with consequences of being a "hated" step-mother to Grunzweig's teenage daughter, Burgess plunges ahead in a leap of faith. Her instinctive bet is a good one as the relationship blossoms into a beautiful romance and the birth of two children. The second half of the book centers around her husband acquiring and fighting cancer and the struggle they face battling the disease - with a particularly moving finish.

"The two of us would crawl across the days on nothing but heart and will if we had to."

In the memoir, Burgess also examines her own life and her relationship with her Mother - yearning to give her Mother love and yearning to receive her Mother's love - and never fulfilling either - her hands outreached to give and receive - and the connection never made. Heartbreaking...

Burgess' writing is direct, clear and to-the-point especially in her telling of the rapid deterioration of her husband's health and how she copes with it.

"All around me were patients in some part of a cycle: a cycle of beginnings and ends, of treatment, of illness, even chemotherapy as a palliative, a merciful extension of the inevitable, a kindness. Here I finally understood the corrosion of cancer on the human spirit. Cancer was gunning for Ken in this very room."

There are some terrific insights in her darkest moments as she copes -

"I had recently come to the conclusion that all we can do is row the boat we're in. Greet each day with the best of intentions - it's not given to us to set the compass, chart the stars, or make life work for everyone we love. We aren't given that power or control. We are only given the grace of intention."

And another passage:

"Who does this? I wondered. Who chooses a place of rest even as they hope for miracles? Who squabbles between burial or cremation, vault or niche, the monument - what size, color? Who buys adjoining gravesites for their kids? Some bizarre idea to keep the family together?"

I felt that this story was being told to me by a good friend - turning the pages and living through every ache, pain and loss. I did long for her to fill more of the gaps - to gain a better understanding of how her husband dealt with the death of his first wife and why he loved her so - and how he dealt with the murder of his second wife and accusations leveled against him. To get a deeper understanding about her husband's daughter and how she struggled with the murder of her mother and her dying Father and what she thought of Burgess. And finally, why her Mother had such a difficult time expressing her love for her.

I agree with the author's comments on the back of the book jacket - this is a very personal and emotionally moving story - with intimate moments of her life put on paper "to give people license to dissect and critique it, or worse yet, disregard it." Glenda Burgess, your love story will not be disregarded and will not be forgotten.

The Geography of Love is a beautiful, moving, uplifting, and heartbreaking memoir. Glenda Burgess has given us a remembrance of her marriage, and her husband that carries such a core of truth that it is difficult to put it down.

After a successful career with the State Department, Glenda has decided to return to the United States and start fresh. She meets a man, Ken, 13 years her senior who has already been widowed twice, his first wife died in a car accident, and his second wife was murdered in her bedroom while their toddler slept in the next room. His daughter has grown up emotionally scarred and her relationship with Ken is shaky and turbulent. With Ken's past and problems, most women would head for the hills, but Glenda had a sure belief that this could be good. Even though Ken had given up on the very idea of love, he too, managed one more leap of faith and together they built a life, a love and a wonderful family. Their faith and love would be tested in sad and painful ways, and yet, the love and devotion always manages to shine through.

This is a very sad book in many ways; it can bring you to tears at the most unexpected places. And yet it also can give you a deep sense of peace, a profound desire to have this kind of marriage, and a deep sense of gratitude if you already do. This was an ordinary happy family, and it's easy to see yourselves in the pages. Seeing how a couple can gain such strength from their relationship shows us that, perhaps we can all respond to the worst adversity possible with grace and dignity. Ken's compassion, consideration and kindness throughout the darkest of his days stand as an example to us all. The author's courage in reliving these times shows us yet another place to explore in the geography of our own lives.

Let me state upfront that I picked this book up in kind of a hurry, not knowing much about it, other than "early-30s woman finally finds true love with older guy (mid-40s)". So imagine my surprise when I started reading this book.

In the first third of "The Geography of Love" (310 pages), author Glenda Burgess retells how she unexpectedly found true love with Ken, a man 14 years her senior, someone who had lost two previous wives (one to a car accident, another to a (potentially suspicious) murder, of all things. It made me turn the pages, and when at one point Ken says out of the blue "I can't do this anymore", when the couple had 2 small children, I feared the worst (as in: he wants to leave the marriage). But Ken was referring to a corporate job he didn't want to do any longer.

After that, the book takes a completely unexpected turn, and where the book really takes off. Ken is discovered to have a cancer of some sort, and the second half of the book deals with how Glenda and Ken are dealing with this. This is when the book becomes a devastating read. I found myself choking back a number of times, particularly in the last 50 pages or so. Separate but simultaneously with all this, the author brings a great portrait of other family members, including in particular her challenging relationship with her mother. In all, I was very taken by this book. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

This is a wonderful, readable story that will stay with you long after it's finished. It is relevant for anyone who has ever dealt with loving, living, or living with illness. A real work of hope in a very tough situation and, for all that, it never felt like a burden to read it. Geography of Love is a hymn to our generation, relevant to others, but perfect for us.

In my view, one cannot read too many love stories. I struck out for forty years, suffering a devastating early divorce after nine awful years. Then one day my wonderful Ginger came into my life. That was a quarter century ago. I have always credited my ability to be ready for my wife's sweet love because I took the time to read great stories about relationships. That's why I have called A Thousand Summers, by Garson Kanin, my favorite book along those lines--until I read Glenda Burgess' memoir, The Geography of Love. Glenda's book will be a part of me, and a part of my relationship tools for the next twenty-five years. Maybe beyond!

Perhaps once every couple of generations we find a book that gets up close and personal with the human condition. We had it with A Man Called Peter, by Catherine Marshall. Glenda Burgess, as fine a writer as America has produced in the last two decades, follows in the great tradition of the life well examined by absolutely nailing Georgraphy of Love.

Heart-wrenching, yet astounding in its ability to uplift, The Geography of Love chronicles the wonderful marriage of Glenda and Kenneth Grunzweig during their fifteen year union. We follow the perplexing cough that Ken developed after a photography expedition to the great Southwest, all the way through Ken's valiant struggle to stay alive for his family. We learn of Ken's tragic past--the death of two wives... The first in a tragic auto accident when he held his dying wife in his arms. Then his second wife was murdered by a serial killer. Kenneth Grunzweig had to carry the burden of being the main suspect for twenty-two long years, only being vindicated weeks before the start of his heroic battle against lung cancer.

Along the way, Ken deals as gracefully as possible with floundering family members, Glenda always at his side.

As the reader folds The Geography of Love closed for the final time, having absorbed all 306 pages, one cannot help but realize this is one book that will stay with them forever. Worthy of periodic rereads. When you need to--absolutely have to--ponder the meaning of love, loss, relationship and romance, you will know it is time to read again Glenda Burgess' magnificent The Geography of Love.

This book took me completely by surprise. What a moving and heartfelt love story. I read it in less than a day and cannot stop thinking about the love shared between Glenda and Ken. We cannot control life, nor can we control those we love, or what fate brings to us--this is one of the many messages from this memoir. Glenda Burgess is an author whose grace and dignity will remain with me always. I have purchased copies of The Geography of Love for friends--I strongly recommend this book.

This book is a moving tribute to what a couple goes through when the husband is diagnosed with cancer. Their love story is an inspiring tale of how love endures.

I bought this book for my wife after hearing a radio review in Australia. I thought it was a chick book but picked it up when it arrived and read the first page - I was hooked. Glenda Burgess is a very descriptive writer. A great book guys.

Me, oh my! I did not want to like this book. The first quarter, maybe even the first half of it, I really disliked Burgess but by the end of the story I was bawling and I dare anyone who has every loved to read this book and not end up staining its pages with tears.

The problem with biographies are that they are peoples lives and who are we to judge and criticize? Then again, a person's gotta be honest. When I first received Geography of Love by Glenda Burgess I read the back cover and literally said, "Ugh, love." I'm of a cynical sort that just finds that blatant blabbering boring. I was, however, intrigued by the story of Ken Grunzwieg. The back of the book made it seem like Ken had all these 'demons from the past' or 'skeletons in his closet' that had to be dealt with; but don't be fooled this is an autobiography.

We meet Glenda and Ken at the beginning of their relationship and follow them through the years and through the issues. This is where I'm going to get snarky. Ken seemed like a truly lovable and all-around great person. Glenda however reminds me of one of those women who at 35 have never really lived outside their little bubble. They can't except that their loved ones can have pasts that include living, breathing people they will never stop loving. She exhibits no tolerance for anything or any living person connected to Ken's life before her. I don't want to give away too much of the story but take for example Ken's relationship with Abby and Jordan. Here were two women Ken loved dearly. Here were also two women that Glenda dubbed as stand-offish, yet admittedly made no attempt to get to know or love on her own until forced to by her husband's illness. "He was asking the impossible of me a second time...I knew this request came from a special place inside him." (page 215) You're right it was a special place, like a father talking to a child it was the 'please be a grown-up and stop being so petty I'm dying for goodness sake' place. I know a woman with this unfathomable selfishness...I don't get it, give the man a break.

Okay now that I've gotten that little gripe off my chest there is only one other tick I had about this book and that was the obscure mention of recipes, ingredients, traveling stories that went no where (i.e. didn't fit in with the title of the book) and just...well...a feeling of pretentiousness.

Now for the good part. What you didn't think I liked the book? I read this one in a day, a clear sign it's still a winner. The description of Ken's love and their family touched my heart. The chapters filled with only one highlight of a life together and a sentence that covered years. That is life. The years seem to meld together into a routine that becomes so second nature and comfortable simple words describe it. Moments that are lived in seconds but feel like eternities.

I don't want to go into details about the second half of the book, just know it gets good. In a Terms of Endearment but with a husband and wife kinda way. I leave you with this final thought, " In so many ways I had learned that the geography of human caring was far more complex than the simple topography of the family or love affair. And one gesture's reach, far greater than any of us could imagine." (page 236)

What a great book. I couldn't stop reading. The language was beautiful. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of everything the author had to say. I recommend this book highly.