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Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded?: Stop Fighting, Start Talking, and Get to Know Your Teen Paperback – August 30, 2011


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Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded?: Stop Fighting, Start Talking, and Get to Know Your Teen + Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated + Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Publisher's Weekly:
"Like a crafty spy, Van Petten comfortably segues from parent to teen perspective, and while noting that each adolescent is unique, she skillfully opens doors to the collective teen psyche."


"As a teen, I was looking forward to the book because it promised to reveal to parents a realistic teen viewpoint. I'm nothing less than thoroughly impressed by how well I was able to relate to everything and by the amount of teen input. Vanessa knows how to speak for us while still creating compromises for parents."
-Emily, 13

From the Author

In this breakthrough parenting book which is a guide to understanding teenagers, author Vanessa Van Petten gives parents tricks and advice that is radically different than any other parenting book. Every topic is brought onto the table, as Van Petten delves into teenage sex, underage drinking, video games and teen drug use. Her candor and personal anecdotes help inform and calm parents' fears by telling them how to prevent these issues from happening to their own children.
Parents will discover:

* Why teenagers do drugs, break curfew and rebel; and how to stop this destructive behavior by 
building trust.
* How to stop your teenager from pulling away so that you can have a better relationship; open communication and real emotional connection; and empower your teen to become a happier, more productive, more successful adult.
And much more...
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 320 pages
  • Publisher: Plume; 1 Original edition (August 30, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0452297419
  • ISBN-13: 978-0452297418
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.7 x 7.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #420,732 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Michelle on August 30, 2011
Format: Paperback
I was impressed by Ms. Van Petten's incredible insight into the life of a teenager and what truly is going on emotionally, mentally, and physically. It's a guidebook of sorts to assist parents in navigating that tender relationship between an adolescent and his/her parents or guardians. While certain behaviors are developmentally appropriate, it's often difficult for a parent to recognize this and it's extremely helpful to have this book remind us that adolescence comes with extreme change which can result in fragility, frustration, and a desire to push parents away. While it can be extremely emotionally draining for all parties involved, parents must respond with compassion, patience, and unconditional love. These are all traits that Ms. Van Petten exemplifies through her writing. Above all, she reminds us that our children want what anyone wants-- to be understood. Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded?: Stop Fighting, Start Talking, and Get to Know Your Teen helps us do just that.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Lacy Kirkland on August 30, 2011
Format: Paperback
Vanessa Van Petten has gone and done it again with "Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded". This book delivers power-packed how-to's to navigating tough conversation based on real scientific evidence and Vanessa's background in working one-on-one with families. Vanessa clearly gets what's happening, she's been in the trenches with teens and parents and knows what matters most to parents and teens. Having this book is like having the secret code to teens and their parents! She has listened and she's sharing priceless perspective from both sides. She's done the hard work, now it's your turn.

Want to learn to communicate effectively with your kids? How to nurture your relationship instead of propel fighting? Want to understand why your teen does all those crazy things? Why they say they hate you but they really love you? Want to stop doing damage and start "getting it"? Want to understand what they're saying versus what they mean? Want to have a lasting loving relationship with your kids? Want to be understood as a parent?

Start now.

I strongly recommend this book for any parent who truly cares enough to "get it" and wants the best shot at navigating and surviving the teenage years. Buy this book today, you and your teen deserve the best shot at a long, healthy, lasting relationship.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Par on September 19, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have followed Vanessa's blog for some time and could never believe that she did not have some kind of a degree in psych, education, or pediatrics. Her advice was always spot on! When her book came out I was sure she would not be able to do a whole book without any "book knowledge." I was amazed! She has lots of common sense, uncommon sense, experience and I think she is hiding more degrees that she admits! It is a great book; I loved it!

This book is a must read for all those who deal with tweens and teens.

Many years ago one of my professors in medical school said people should have tails so we could tell by their wagging if they were friendly. Read Vannesa's book, and you will be able to tell more about your teens emotions than any tail could! She talks about reading faces to determine mood, fear, frustration, embarassment, as well as lies!

When she talked about bullying I said to myself, she left out "lack of empathy", I'll have to write her, then on the next page she talked about empathy; and that's the way the book continued. Everytime I thought she left something out she covered it on the next page.

I do have a little point of difference though, after many years of pediatric experience I don't believe peer pressure is as bad as everyone says. By our acknowlegment of peer pressure we are giving kids (and sometimes ourselves)an excuse to do things they want to even though they know they shouldn't! We offer kids excuses starting with "He's tired; she's hungry; He can't sit still; she doesn't like to wait" then we offer "It's peer pressure!" We have thus programed our kids behavor and let them know what we expect from them.
Read more ›
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Natalie on August 30, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Vanessa Van Petten has given us another fabulous resource for parenting. Her book not only perfectly addresses current and relevant issues, but gives us real and tangible solutions (I don't think my parents ever had to worry about me sexting!) A must read for any parent!
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Format: Paperback
When I read "Do I Get My Allowance Before or After I'm Grounded?", I found myself unable to put the book down because there was so much NEW information in it. Unlike a lot of parent-teen relationship guides that just rehash old and useless information, this book actually showed me exactly how to speak to my daughter and what words to use to really reach her. One of my favorite parts of the book was the re-enactment of the trip to the mall where the teenage daughter was sullen and withdrawn, and the Mom was trying to make conversation. Vanessa first wrote the interaction from the teen's point of view, explaining in detail everything that the teen was thinking and what her words to her Mom actually meant. Then Vanessa re-told the interaction from the Mom's point of view....quite a different perspective as to how the Mom was feeling and what she was thinking and what she was trying to communicate to her daughter. Then the best of all -- Vanessa re-framed the ENTIRE INTERACTION showing BOTH the teen and her Mother how to talk to one another so that each could really understand what the other was trying to say. Vanessa created the common language between them. This fresh way of understanding and learning what to do was truly inspirational and helpful. I believe this book will become a staple for all parents, and it will be a valued and trusted resource that is returned to over and over again by both parents and teens in families smart enough to buy this terrific book.
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