Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen [Paperback]

Candice Watters (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2008

Singles are getting conflicting messages from today's culture, both Christian and secular. Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a never-married woman can do, within a biblical framework, to "assist" the process? Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there - despite our anti-marriage culture. This book blends the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage with the biblical perspective on marriage. As an editor for Focus on the Family's Boundless webzine, Candice Watters knows the target audience inside and out. Whether a woman has been told to "get married" or marriage is on her lifelong wish list, Get Married points her to the source!

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

Is it okay to want to be married? Is there anything a woman who has never been married can do to make marriage more likely? Candice Watters gives women permission to want Christian marriage, encourages them to believe it's possible, and supplies the tools to get there despite our post-marriage culture.

Get Married includes the author's personal journey from singleness to marriage as well as a biblical perspective on marriage. It shows how living intentionally is the key to marrying well. Get Married is a fresh and hopeful perspective that empowers single women to pray not only for their friends, parents, and churches—but the men who are (or could be) part of their lives.

About the Author

Candice Watters founded Focus on the Family’s Boundless.org webzine in 1998 and served as editor until 2002. She writes regularly for Boundless about dating and marriage, as well as a bi-weekly advice column for women.  She and her husband Steve Watters (Director of Young Adults for Focus on the Family) have written Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies (Moody, January 2009).  They have four children.

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Moody Publishers (January 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0802458297
• ISBN-13: 978-0802458292
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #193,414 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

58 of 67 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars I wish I didn't buy this book--weak scriptural basis and faulty conclusions, December 6, 2009

By 

LAH "LAH" (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen (Paperback)

I bought the book wanting to like it. The message that as single women we should be praying and trusting God to give us the desires of our hearts is a beautiful and scriptural one. Yet I found her argument that God has created marriage for basically everyone who wants it to be simplistic and weakly based in scripture. In defending marriage as part of God's plan, I felt Watters lifts marriage up to almost the same level as God's plan to be in relationship with us. Yes, marriage is a beautiful thing and a blessing from God, but there is no biblical basis that everyone who wants to be married is going to get married. In fact, there are many examples in the Bible of people not getting the thing they prayed for and going through very difficult situations. But we also see God redeeming those situations (e.g., Joseph being wrongly sold into slavery by his brothers, but God uses that for Joseph to be in position to save all of Israel during the famine). God hears our prayers and answers them, but often not in the ways we expect--and that includes marriage.

Furthermore, I think it is unscriptural and dangerous for Watters to say that "the notion [that marriage can become an idol] has been blown out of proportion" (p. 47). An idol is anything that becomes more important to your heart over God, and that includes good things (like marriage, a job, family) that you make into an ultimate thing. I agree with Watters that desire for marriage is not a sin and is a good thing. But I know that God has convicted me in addition to many of my godly single friends of ways that our hearts have twisted that desire into an idol, believing our future husbands will fill all our relational needs and affirm us in ways that only God can. I am concerned that women who are similarly being convicted by God will read this book and feel justified in their unhealthy desire for marriage, a desire that has twisted a good thing into the ultimate thing that they have to have to be happy.

In addition, Watters appears to limit her view of singleness to a few statistics and her own experiences as a single woman. I disagree with Watters emphasizing that singleness can lead to idleness, a point she draws from 1 Timothy 5:13-14. This conclusion overstates Paul's concern of single people being idle, and she seems to brush aside Paul's words affirming the blessing of singleness in 1 Corinthians. To support her weak exegesis, Watters sets up a dichotomy between her single life (where she sipped lattes at Borders, didn't spend that much time involved in ministry, and struggled to have discipline over her waistline, fitness, and budget) and married life (where she became more disciplined in her spiritual life, diet, fitness, and budget, and became more involved in ministry). In contrast, I have found my singleness has given me tremendous opportunities to focus on God--praying a lot, serving in the church and spending time ministering to people in ways I likely wouldn't be able to as a married woman. Also, God has taught me many lessons about putting God over food, staying fit, and being a good steward with my budget. That is not to say that my experience is true for all single women, but I'm also not writing a book where I'm overgeneralizing my experiences to all single women.

57 of 69 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Fresh Encouragement for Single Christian Women Hoping for Marriage, January 19, 2008

By 

TexasPyll "Apryl" (New Hampshire, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen (Paperback)

As a huge fan of Boundless.org, I was so very excited when I received "Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen" in the mail. I am very familiar with Watters' articles and column on Boundless, and thought it might just be a culmination of her works there, but it is so much more.

I have read so many books by Christian authors on singleness and marriage, that I was interested to see how different this one might be.
First there was "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (Harris), which I couldn't seem to agree with, then there was "Boy Meets Girl" (Harris), which sang a different tune. I've read "When God Writes Your Love Story" (Ludy), "Knight in Shining Armor" (Wilson), and "Lady in Waiting" (Kendall & Jones)... all books which gave me hope that someday my prince would come. "What To Do Until Love Finds You" (McKinney Hammond), to me, encouraged women to have a life outside of this pursuit of marriage and it would come when you weren't looking.

But then there was, "Getting Serious About Getting Married" (Maken), and I realized I couldn't just sit around waiting for said prince to show up, having done all the work to find me. Once finished with G.S.A.G.M though, I felt that Maken's solution wasn't something I could follow personally, but it did get me thinking.

"Get Married" was different. After an reading it cover to cover as soon as I opened the Amazon box, I felt refreshed. I came away challenged to pray boldly, encouraged that marriage is a good thing and I don't have to forgo it just because I'm single currently. I feel that I've been told so many times to just be the best single, fully devoted to Christ, and that will be enough. I felt encouraged by Watters that preparing for marriage didn't make me any less devoted to God, in fact, He wants most of us to marry!

My best friend and I say often that the most important thing about Bible studies, reading Christian Inspirational books, and sermons on Sunday mornings is how we APPLY what we've learned to our lives. Taking all the knowledge we've absorbed and applying it to who we are and letting it change our lives... that's how it goes from head-knowledge to heart-knowledge. Once you've finished with this book, there is an invitation on the last page to go to [...] and take what you've read and live it out, by discussing the book in forums, meeting and learning from other women who desire marriage just like you, committing to pray boldly for women and men who seek marriage, and you can even chat with the author herself!

I highly recommend this book! I have already purchased 3 copies of it, and handed them out to close girl friends. It could even make a good study for the young Single Women at church!

Here are the chapter titles for those curious:
1. Believe in Marriage as a Worthwhile and Holy Pursuit
2. Restore Biblical Honor and Desire
3. Men aren't Jerks, They're Fallen (Like You)
4. God Still is in the Business of Making Good Matches
5. You Need a Network
6. Waking a Great Sleeper
7. Pulling a Ruth
8. Living Like You're Planning to Marry
9. Pray Boldly

21 of 26 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars It worked for me!!, February 26, 2008

By 

Callie - See all my reviews

This review is from: Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen (Paperback)

I am engaged- in part due to the wisdom that Candice Watter's presented on the webzine [...]. This book was released after he asked, and I said "yes!" but many of Watters' articles have been so strongly influential in the direction my life has taken that I wanted to own a copy of her book out of support of her ministry, to further my love and desire for marriage, and in expectation that it is sure to be as source of wisdom in counseling other woman. My goodness, were my expectations correct! It was such a great read that I finished it, cover to cover, in a matter of hours.

Candice Watters' wisdom walks through cultural perceptions in and outside the church of singleness and marriage and how our current "postmarriage" society is inhibiting the creation of fertile communities for bringing marriage about, but she doesn't leave it with a critique. Watters further procedes to offers practical lifestyle changes woman can make to help bring marriage into their lives. She wisely discussing both God's Sovereignty and free will, emphasizing that turning a desire for marriage into reality requires both God's matchmaking abilities and wisdom on the part of woman. In her confrontation of the common church statement that a desire of marriage is "idolatrous," Watters states, "Not only is it unlikely that a godly woman's desire for biblical marriage would become an idol, biblical marriage is often the antidote to much of the idolatry -- 'sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed'-- that plagues our culture." (p.50) Before you qualify her thought on this matter, take some time to read her biblical backing. Whether you agree or disagree, its sure to make you think!

As for her route for becoming a bride, Watters emphasizes the basics, a strong and passionate relationship with the Lord, a life of prayer and bible study, becoming part of a multigenerational church community and finding a mentor. If you're interested in her creative specifics, you'll have to read it for yourself!

Besides her witty discussions of pop-culture and vulnerability in sharing her own marriage story, my interest in Watters comes from her indirect influence on my life. I implemented her wisdom, and it worked for me!

I committed to being part of a multigenerational church community, rather than just a singles group or college ministry, and developed an amazing relationship with a mentor. Watters advocates both of these ideas in her articles and her book as a means for growing in your relationship with the Lord, learning about the qualities necessary for marriage, finding a mate through a social network of elders, and developing a relationship under their guidance and accountability. Sure enough this is how it would happen for me. Through spending time with my mentor, she noticed that my character, calling and interests would be a good match for her very own son! Through prayer and sensitivity to the the Spirit, the Lord revealed to me that my mentor's insight was more than just her opinion, it was indeed His will. Here we are, less than a year later, in love and engaged. So much of our story was able to take place because of the influence of the truths that Candice Watters presents in her writings. She passed on truth to me that positioned my heart in such a way to truly receive the Lord's fullest blessings.

Many of the seeds Candice Watters has sown through her Love for the Lord and His plan for marriage have reaped a harvest of sweet fruit in my life. I'd feel like I was robbing each of you of blessing by not recommending her book. ;) Its an excellent read for anyone who desires marriage and feels paralyzed by circumstances, or those of you who like a good sociological critique. Be prepared to be challenged! And be prepared to see your hearts desires fulfilled!