Customer Reviews

Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen

5 star:		(19)
4 star:		(2)
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2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I bought the book wanting to like it. The message that as single women we should be praying and trusting God to give us the desires of our hearts is a beautiful and scriptural one. Yet I found her argument that God has created marriage for basically everyone who wants it to be simplistic and weakly based in scripture. In defending marriage as part of God's plan, I felt Watters lifts marriage up to almost the same level as God's plan to be in relationship with us. Yes, marriage is a beautiful thing and a blessing from God, but there is no biblical basis that everyone who wants to be married is going to get married. In fact, there are many examples in the Bible of people not getting the thing they prayed for and going through very difficult situations. But we also see God redeeming those situations (e.g., Joseph being wrongly sold into slavery by his brothers, but God uses that for Joseph to be in position to save all of Israel during the famine). God hears our prayers and answers them, but often not in the ways we expect--and that includes marriage.

Furthermore, I think it is unscriptural and dangerous for Watters to say that "the notion [that marriage can become an idol] has been blown out of proportion" (p. 47). An idol is anything that becomes more important to your heart over God, and that includes good things (like marriage, a job, family) that you make into an ultimate thing. I agree with Watters that desire for marriage is not a sin and is a good thing. But I know that God has convicted me in addition to many of my godly single friends of ways that our hearts have twisted that desire into an idol, believing our future husbands will fill all our relational needs and affirm us in ways that only God can. I am concerned that women who are similarly being convicted by God will read this book and feel justified in their unhealthy desire for marriage, a desire that has twisted a good thing into the ultimate thing that they have to have to be happy.

In addition, Watters appears to limit her view of singleness to a few statistics and her own experiences as a single woman. I disagree with Watters emphasizing that singleness can lead to idleness, a point she draws from 1 Timothy 5:13-14. This conclusion overstates Paul's concern of single people being idle, and she seems to brush aside Paul's words affirming the blessing of singleness in 1 Corinthians. To support her weak exegesis, Watters sets up a dichotomy between her single life (where she sipped lattes at Borders, didn't spend that much time involved in ministry, and struggled to have discipline over her waistline, fitness, and budget) and married life (where she became more disciplined in her spiritual life, diet, fitness, and budget, and became more involved in ministry). In contrast, I have found my singleness has given me tremendous opportunities to focus on God--praying a lot, serving in the church and spending time ministering to people in ways I likely wouldn't be able to as a married woman. Also, God has taught me many lessons about putting God over food, staying fit, and being a good steward with my budget. That is not to say that my experience is true for all single women, but I'm also not writing a book where I'm overgeneralizing my experiences to all single women.

As a huge fan of Boundless.org, I was so very excited when I received "Get Married: What Women Can Do To Help It Happen" in the mail. I am very familiar with Watters' articles and column on Boundless, and thought it might just be a culmination of her works there, but it is so much more.

I have read so many books by Christian authors on singleness and marriage, that I was interested to see how different this one might be.
First there was "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" (Harris), which I couldn't seem to agree with, then there was "Boy Meets Girl" (Harris), which sang a different tune. I've read "When God Writes Your Love Story" (Ludy), "Knight in Shining Armor" (Wilson), and "Lady in Waiting" (Kendall & Jones)... all books which gave me hope that someday my prince would come. "What To Do Until Love Finds You" (McKinney Hammond), to me, encouraged women to have a life outside of this pursuit of marriage and it would come when you weren't looking.

But then there was, "Getting Serious About Getting Married" (Maken), and I realized I couldn't just sit around waiting for said prince to show up, having done all the work to find me. Once finished with G.S.A.G.M though, I felt that Maken's solution wasn't something I could follow personally, but it did get me thinking.

"Get Married" was different. After an reading it cover to cover as soon as I opened the Amazon box, I felt refreshed. I came away challenged to pray boldly, encouraged that marriage is a good thing and I don't have to forgo it just because I'm single currently. I feel that I've been told so many times to just be the best single, fully devoted to Christ, and that will be enough. I felt encouraged by Watters that preparing for marriage didn't make me any less devoted to God, in fact, He wants most of us to marry!

My best friend and I say often that the most important thing about Bible studies, reading Christian Inspirational books, and sermons on Sunday mornings is how we APPLY what we've learned to our lives. Taking all the knowledge we've absorbed and applying it to who we are and letting it change our lives... that's how it goes from head-knowledge to heart-knowledge. Once you've finished with this book, there is an invitation on the last page to go to [...] and take what you've read and live it out, by discussing the book in forums, meeting and learning from other women who desire marriage just like you, committing to pray boldly for women and men who seek marriage, and you can even chat with the author herself!

I highly recommend this book! I have already purchased 3 copies of it, and handed them out to close girl friends. It could even make a good study for the young Single Women at church!

Here are the chapter titles for those curious:
1. Believe in Marriage as a Worthwhile and Holy Pursuit
2. Restore Biblical Honor and Desire
3. Men aren't Jerks, They're Fallen (Like You)
4. God Still is in the Business of Making Good Matches
5. You Need a Network
6. Waking a Great Sleeper
7. Pulling a Ruth
8. Living Like You're Planning to Marry
9. Pray Boldly

I am engaged- in part due to the wisdom that Candice Watter's presented on the webzine [...]. This book was released after he asked, and I said "yes!" but many of Watters' articles have been so strongly influential in the direction my life has taken that I wanted to own a copy of her book out of support of her ministry, to further my love and desire for marriage, and in expectation that it is sure to be as source of wisdom in counseling other woman. My goodness, were my expectations correct! It was such a great read that I finished it, cover to cover, in a matter of hours.

Candice Watters' wisdom walks through cultural perceptions in and outside the church of singleness and marriage and how our current "postmarriage" society is inhibiting the creation of fertile communities for bringing marriage about, but she doesn't leave it with a critique. Watters further procedes to offers practical lifestyle changes woman can make to help bring marriage into their lives. She wisely discussing both God's Sovereignty and free will, emphasizing that turning a desire for marriage into reality requires both God's matchmaking abilities and wisdom on the part of woman. In her confrontation of the common church statement that a desire of marriage is "idolatrous," Watters states, "Not only is it unlikely that a godly woman's desire for biblical marriage would become an idol, biblical marriage is often the antidote to much of the idolatry -- 'sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed'-- that plagues our culture." (p.50) Before you qualify her thought on this matter, take some time to read her biblical backing. Whether you agree or disagree, its sure to make you think!

As for her route for becoming a bride, Watters emphasizes the basics, a strong and passionate relationship with the Lord, a life of prayer and bible study, becoming part of a multigenerational church community and finding a mentor. If you're interested in her creative specifics, you'll have to read it for yourself!

Besides her witty discussions of pop-culture and vulnerability in sharing her own marriage story, my interest in Watters comes from her indirect influence on my life. I implemented her wisdom, and it worked for me!

I committed to being part of a multigenerational church community, rather than just a singles group or college ministry, and developed an amazing relationship with a mentor. Watters advocates both of these ideas in her articles and her book as a means for growing in your relationship with the Lord, learning about the qualities necessary for marriage, finding a mate through a social network of elders, and developing a relationship under their guidance and accountability. Sure enough this is how it would happen for me. Through spending time with my mentor, she noticed that my character, calling and interests would be a good match for her very own son! Through prayer and sensitivity to the the Spirit, the Lord revealed to me that my mentor's insight was more than just her opinion, it was indeed His will. Here we are, less than a year later, in love and engaged. So much of our story was able to take place because of the influence of the truths that Candice Watters presents in her writings. She passed on truth to me that positioned my heart in such a way to truly receive the Lord's fullest blessings.

Many of the seeds Candice Watters has sown through her Love for the Lord and His plan for marriage have reaped a harvest of sweet fruit in my life. I'd feel like I was robbing each of you of blessing by not recommending her book. ;) Its an excellent read for anyone who desires marriage and feels paralyzed by circumstances, or those of you who like a good sociological critique. Be prepared to be challenged! And be prepared to see your hearts desires fulfilled!

Candice Watters' professor just about blew her mind. "I was sitting in class learning about all the ways our country was slipping from its constitutional foundations. And in a moment of exasperation, I raised my hand and called out, `So what's the solution?'" It wasn't what she expected. Her professor told her to get married, to have babies, and to do government (and in that order, too). Here she was, in grad school pursuing a master's so she could head to Washington and fight for the traditional family. Yet here she was told that she was going about it all wrong. It all comes down to math. "The people who form families, who raise children and send them into the next generation, are the ones who will influence where our government and culture go in the future." The conversation soon turned in a different direction, but she was changed; she was transfixed. She began to believe that she, too, could and should be married.

For all the women who struggle as Watters did, she offers this book. "It's for all the women who long for marriage but are afraid to admit it, embarrassed by their deepest desires, or concerned that maybe they want it too much. It's for the parents of single women who wonder if there's anything they can do to help. And it's for married friends of singles who want to help but don't want to intrude." The book's message is as simple as its title. Get married. That's the way God wants it.

Watters, who founded the Boundless.org webzine for Focus on the Family and who continues to contribute to it, takes the position that almost everyone is called to marriage--marriage is normative except for a very few. Many Christians, and too many probably, believe that singleness and celibacy are one and the same. But they are not. Celibacy is for the celibate--for those God has specially gifted so they may be set aside for service to Him. Those who desire marriage or who desire sexual relationships are not so called and ought to pursue marriage.

This book offers a way to live like you're planning to marry. This does not mean clipping pretty dresses out of wedding catalogs, stuffing a hope chest, or entering the Christian equivalent of the myriads of dating shows. Rather, it means making some lifestyle changes and may mean rethinking singleness, marriage, and even men. It means living in expectation of marriage. And do that end, Watters provides a good deal of useful and practical advice.

As a man and as a married man at that, the book was certainly not written for me. Yet I found much in it that was valuable and I enjoyed reading it, and particularly enjoyed the author's insights into the potential dangers of thinking like our culture thinks when it comes to marriage. The book has many valuable insights and corrections to the way people often think. When writing about a potential danger of aiming too high, of living a long and enjoyable life as a single before settling down, she writes, "Ironically, when you don't need a man, your expectations for what a husband should be go up." She deals well with the challenges that may arise when a husband and wife have both become firmly established in their single ways. She also writes well about the concept of "soul mates," an idea that has brought about a great deal of pain and unhappiness. Too many people become convinced that God has set aside a single soul mate for them and that they will only ever be happy with this one person. Needless to say, this sows the seeds of doubt about whether the person they are with is really "the one." In a lengthy appendix Watters answers many questions about establishing relationships, choosing a mate, and life planning.

If this book has a weakness (other than describing Mother Teresa as a "heroic single"--Come on, fellow evangelicals, it's time to get over her!), it is the same one I've found in other similar titles (such as Debbie Maken's Getting Serious About Getting Married--it offers little comfort to those who truly desire to be married but who have not been blessed with a spouse. It may make it seem almost too easy--yet there are many women who will testify that, despite desire and effort, they have been unable to marry. I can see that a book like this might exacerbate the pain some such people may already feel.

Get Married is a book about living like you're planning to marry. Watters offers biblical wisdom and hard-won experience to encourage women to live like they wish to marry. She shows that marriage is a good and worthy goal and one that may not be too far off. The book will be a challenge and encouragement to any woman who desires to get married.

Getting married doesn't have to be out of reach and being single isn't a consolation prize. In this book, Candice Watters gives us pratical tips and stories from her own life about how to finally reach the altar.

I was most impressed with how she debunks the current trends and the myths of today's dating world. She opened my eyes to the fact that it's perfectly OK to desire marriage and pursue that goal.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who's given up on love and the "he'll-come-when-you-least-expect-it" cliches from the Church. Watters has the real answer, and the truth could change your life.

This book was so great that I couldn't stop reading it. Now I want to go back and reread it taking notes and highlighting all the great information. I'm a strong Christian single woman who so desires to be married but didn't know what to do about it. This is one great opinion with good information that I'm putting into practice. Now I'm no longer afraid to admit my desires and wont settle for anything less!

Candice Watters has taken the thoughts of a multitude of single chrisitian women and have so wonderfuly penned it in this book. This book is in a category all by itself, instead of telling single women that their unwanted singleness is "Gods Will" for there life she explains that the desire for marriage is perfectly O.K. if not the norm!! The most life changing point she made to me was that we can bodly pray for a husband. After reading so many single books and hearing the church say that if you are single it is better and instead of wanting a husband you should just want to work more for the Lord. But this answer did not work for me or the countless other single woman I knew it just left us more discouraged than ever. So the more I worked the more I desired a husband and the cycle goes on but along came this book to give me the wisdom and tools that I need to move forward. Give this book to every single christian young lady you know!!!

As an older woman, I'm so excited about Get Married. I've already ordered 15 copies and have only three left as I keep thinking of young women and mothers of young women who would benefit so greatly from the biblical foundation Candice presents, as well as her practical ways of thinking and living toward getting married. Her application of the book of Ruth shows the wealth of ideas in the "how" of a woman's response when a Boaz appears interested in her. Get Married makes me aware of why we have accepted the culture's philosophy on marriage. I pray Candice's book will pave the way for many biblical marriages and the multiplication of the Gospel.

This book is easy to read and as I read it I realized that a lot of what Candace says I've also said. I found it quite easy to follow and I nodded my head a lot as I read through it. There were some things from her own experience that made a lot of sense to me. There were also some things that I learned from her experience that helped me. A good read for a 20-something year old, but even good for a 30-something who's still single.

This was an excellent approach to singleness and marriage in today's Christian culture. Candice raises many great questions and challenges readers without feeling threatening or bossy. I loved the way that she illuminated hope and faith as the essential substance of our prayers regarding marriage and our lives as we seek to live in a Christ honoring way.