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Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior (Perigee) Paperback – February 1, 1996


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Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior (Perigee) + When Am I Going to Be Happy?: How to Break the Emotional Bad Habits That Make You Miserable + Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It
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Product Details

  • Series: Perigee
  • Paperback: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Perigee Trade; Reissue edition (February 1, 1996)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0399519904
  • ISBN-13: 978-0399519901
  • Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (98 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,369 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

Powerful practical insights that can help many to live more rewarding lives. -- Harold Bloomfield, How to Survive the Loss of a Love

Provides clear insight, compassionate understanding and practical solutions. -- Jack Canfield, Coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul

About the Author

Mark Goulston, M.D., is a corporate consultant who works with executives, managers, and line workers to help them get out of their own way so they can realize the success that their skills, talents, and abilities deserve. His clients include Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, GE, White & Case, Eli Lilly and Company, Disney, Kodak, and the FBI. He writes "The Leading Edge" column for Fast Company. He was selected as one of America's Top Psychiatrists for 2004-2005 by the Consumers' Research Council of America. Dr. Goulston is the author of Get Out of Your Own Way and Six Secrets of a Lasting Relationship.
Philip Goldberg, a novelist and screenwriter, has authored or coauthored sixteen books.

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Customer Reviews

Really has helped me get things done--thanks!!
Letitia Kolb
The first self-help book that I have read from cover to cover and go back to review one or more chapters when I find myself falling back in to old habits.
D. M. Plaster
This book is very easy to understand and each chapter is short enough.
meisui

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

80 of 82 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 5, 2000
Format: Paperback
This was one of the most refreshing and helpful books I've read in a long time. I was expecting pop-psych, but instead found a sensible, constructive, no-nonsense approach to recognizing and dealing with self-defeating behavior. Summaries of each behavior and step-by-step guides to change at the end of each chapter were a definite plus. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's ready change and is willing to make the effort to do it!
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125 of 133 people found the following review helpful By meisui on September 23, 2001
Format: Paperback
I'm suffering from mild depression and I expected this book to be helpful for depressants to change ways of thinking and behaving but... It didn't help my depression a lot but it became a big help in my relationships. This book can make you feel worse or frustrated at times if you are sensitive and depressed. You may feel the author looks down on you or you may feel hurt.
This book is,however,very helpful for people having troubles or stress about relationships with their spouses,friends,family members,and colleagues at work.
This book is very easy to understand and each chapter is short enough. You can share the author's experience and it makes the book interesting and compassionate. You'll be surprised at his acute perspective and practical "easy-to-apply" solutions.
Each chapter's title
1.Chasing After Love and Approval from a parent 2.Getting Involved With Wrong Person 3.Procrastinating 4.Expecting Others
to Understand How You Feel 5.Waiting Until It's too Late 6.Getting So Angry You Make Things Worse 7.Saying Yes When You Want To Say No 8.Holding a Grudge 9.Assuming They Don't Want Anything in Return 10.Playing It Safe 11.Always having to Be Right 12.Focusing on What Your Pertner Is Doing Wrong 13.Putting up With Broken Promiss 14.Trying to Make up While You're Still Angry 15.Not Learning From Your Mistakes 16.Trying to Change Others 17.Rebelling Just for the Sake of Rebelling 18.Talking When Nobody's Listening 19.Pretending You're Fine When You're Not. 20.Becoming Obsessive or Compulsive. 21.Taking things Too Personally 22.Acting Too Needy 23.having Unrealistic Expectations 24.Trying to Take Care of Everybody 25.Refusing to "Play games" 26.Putting on an Act to Make a Good Impression 27.Being Envious of Others 28.Feeling Sorry for Yourself 29.
Read more ›
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66 of 72 people found the following review helpful By middlemoo on October 17, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book is worth its weight in gold. No hocus-pocus quick fixes here - just common sense in short chapters on a myriad of methods human beings use to screw life up for themselves - or should I say "ourselves"? I saw myself on many pages, to one degree or another, and the "Usable Insights" were actually useful!! Very few authors go as far at stripping away the delusions people hide behind as Dr. Goulston. For anyone who REALLY wants to get to the nitty-gritty about how self-sabotage is hurting him/her, this book is a true gift!
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35 of 37 people found the following review helpful By Richard M. Rhoads on December 24, 1998
Format: Paperback
Dr. Goulston writes with humor, humility, and humanity. You feel like he's been there. It's easy to be open to his advice and act on it.
I related to many of the 40 self-defeating behaviors, but none more than procrastination, which has caused me to miss many boats over many years. Dr. G's insight is that procrastination is related to loneliness, and that if we can find ways to partner with other people, it helps us stop procrastinating. I've been putting that technique to work on writing projects (talking about lonely!) and it has been helping me for the past several months.
When I first read of the relationship between procrastination and loneliness, I told our friend Veronica about it. Veronica is a single parent, the mother of two young girls. She told me that the night before, tired after a full day at work, she had faced the task of cleaning out the kids' closet. She wanted to go to sleep rather than face that closet alone. Instead, she called a friend on her portable phone and talked to the friend for two hours while cleaning out the closet. Veronica overcame loneliness and procrastination, and confirmed Dr. Goulston's insight, all with one phone call.
My wife was also impressed with the book, although she tends to dismiss pop psych books. She says I should definitely use the book to overcome my self-defeating behaviors (I've noticed her employing a few of Dr. G's suggestions as well). Now I'm going to reread it.
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34 of 36 people found the following review helpful By Dr. W. G. Covington, Jr. on December 3, 2003
Format: Paperback
Mentally healthy people are not threatened by the success of other people, insecure people are. This book helps you to rise to level of the healthy group. Don't be so hard on yourself in the process of growing healthy mentally. We're told, "self-flagellation is ultimately self-defeating. It's important to distinguish between hating yourself and hating something you did."
In part we receive positive feelings about ourselves based on our ability to give something of value to other people. Being other conscious rather than self-focused fits the mentally healthy personality. When you give a person your undivided attention you are giving them something of value.
The practical advice in this book will enhance your interpersonal skills. The suggestions are, generally, solid and doable.
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32 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 4, 2003
Format: Paperback
I'm so glad I bought and actually read this book. I was once given a book as a Christmas gift on how to become financially independent. I've never read that book, and chances are, I never will until I feel and know in my heart that I need help in that area. I felt and knew in my heart that I needed to make changes in my life. I wasn't fulfilled, I was bored and dissatisfied with my career choices and my relationship with my mate was in desperate need of repair. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I had to do something to improve my outlook on life, I turned to the self-help section in the bookstore. Dr. Goulston's book is an insightful work and offers many practical ways to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. Each chapter describes a behavior and gives examples, with references to various patients he's couseled over the years. I took Dr. Goulston's advise to read through his book, as opposed to only reading the behaviors I thought were relevant to me. Oddly enough, I identified with other behaviors I hadn't even considered. And reading about other behaviors will not impede your progress because if a behavior doesn't specifically apply to you at the moment, the information in the book will help you deal with the behavior in yourself or anyone else, should it ever arise. Reading the book made me feel like I was listening to a dear friend comfort and guide me. Dr. Goulston's words encourage the reader as if he's personally supporting you throughout the read. I feel empowered by each "Usable Insight" and I'll be able to use his sound advise for the rest of my life. If I ever had to recommend a book to anyone, it would definitely be this one.
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