Customer Reviews

Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

5 star:		(29)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

This was one of the most refreshing and helpful books I've read in a long time. I was expecting pop-psych, but instead found a sensible, constructive, no-nonsense approach to recognizing and dealing with self-defeating behavior. Summaries of each behavior and step-by-step guides to change at the end of each chapter were a definite plus. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's ready change and is willing to make the effort to do it!

This book is worth its weight in gold. No hocus-pocus quick fixes here - just common sense in short chapters on a myriad of methods human beings use to screw life up for themselves - or should I say "ourselves"? I saw myself on many pages, to one degree or another, and the "Usable Insights" were actually useful!! Very few authors go as far at stripping away the delusions people hide behind as Dr. Goulston. For anyone who REALLY wants to get to the nitty-gritty about how self-sabotage is hurting him/her, this book is a true gift!

I'm suffering from mild depression and I expected this book to be helpful for depressants to change ways of thinking and behaving but... It didn't help my depression a lot but it became a big help in my relationships. This book can make you feel worse or frustrated at times if you are sensitive and depressed. You may feel the author looks down on you or you may feel hurt.
This book is,however,very helpful for people having troubles or stress about relationships with their spouses,friends,family members,and colleagues at work.
This book is very easy to understand and each chapter is short enough. You can share the author's experience and it makes the book interesting and compassionate. You'll be surprised at his acute perspective and practical "easy-to-apply" solutions.
Each chapter's title
1.Chasing After Love and Approval from a parent 2.Getting Involved With Wrong Person 3.Procrastinating 4.Expecting Others
to Understand How You Feel 5.Waiting Until It's too Late 6.Getting So Angry You Make Things Worse 7.Saying Yes When You Want To Say No 8.Holding a Grudge 9.Assuming They Don't Want Anything in Return 10.Playing It Safe 11.Always having to Be Right 12.Focusing on What Your Pertner Is Doing Wrong 13.Putting up With Broken Promiss 14.Trying to Make up While You're Still Angry 15.Not Learning From Your Mistakes 16.Trying to Change Others 17.Rebelling Just for the Sake of Rebelling 18.Talking When Nobody's Listening 19.Pretending You're Fine When You're Not. 20.Becoming Obsessive or Compulsive. 21.Taking things Too Personally 22.Acting Too Needy 23.having Unrealistic Expectations 24.Trying to Take Care of Everybody 25.Refusing to "Play games" 26.Putting on an Act to Make a Good Impression 27.Being Envious of Others 28.Feeling Sorry for Yourself 29.Assuming the Hard Way Is the Right Way 30.Thinking "I'm Sorry"is enough 31.Holding It All In 32.Quitting Too Soon 33.Letting Others Control Your Life 34.Leaving Too Much To Chance 35.Letting Fear Run Your Life 36.Not Moving on After a Loss 37.Not Getting Out When the Getting Is Good 38.Not Asking for What You Need 39.Giving Advice When They Want Something Else 40.Backing Down Because You Don't Feel Ready

If you take interests in a few or more titles,you should buy this book. I bet you'll enjoy all chapters !

I'm so glad I bought and actually read this book. I was once given a book as a Christmas gift on how to become financially independent. I've never read that book, and chances are, I never will until I feel and know in my heart that I need help in that area. I felt and knew in my heart that I needed to make changes in my life. I wasn't fulfilled, I was bored and dissatisfied with my career choices and my relationship with my mate was in desperate need of repair. When I finally came to terms with the fact that I had to do something to improve my outlook on life, I turned to the self-help section in the bookstore. Dr. Goulston's book is an insightful work and offers many practical ways to overcoming self-defeating behaviors. Each chapter describes a behavior and gives examples, with references to various patients he's couseled over the years. I took Dr. Goulston's advise to read through his book, as opposed to only reading the behaviors I thought were relevant to me. Oddly enough, I identified with other behaviors I hadn't even considered. And reading about other behaviors will not impede your progress because if a behavior doesn't specifically apply to you at the moment, the information in the book will help you deal with the behavior in yourself or anyone else, should it ever arise. Reading the book made me feel like I was listening to a dear friend comfort and guide me. Dr. Goulston's words encourage the reader as if he's personally supporting you throughout the read. I feel empowered by each "Usable Insight" and I'll be able to use his sound advise for the rest of my life. If I ever had to recommend a book to anyone, it would definitely be this one.

Dr. Goulston writes with humor, humility, and humanity. You feel like he's been there. It's easy to be open to his advice and act on it.

I related to many of the 40 self-defeating behaviors, but none more than procrastination, which has caused me to miss many boats over many years. Dr. G's insight is that procrastination is related to loneliness, and that if we can find ways to partner with other people, it helps us stop procrastinating. I've been putting that technique to work on writing projects (talking about lonely!) and it has been helping me for the past several months.

When I first read of the relationship between procrastination and loneliness, I told our friend Veronica about it. Veronica is a single parent, the mother of two young girls. She told me that the night before, tired after a full day at work, she had faced the task of cleaning out the kids' closet. She wanted to go to sleep rather than face that closet alone. Instead, she called a friend on her portable phone and talked to the friend for two hours while cleaning out the closet. Veronica overcame loneliness and procrastination, and confirmed Dr. Goulston's insight, all with one phone call.

My wife was also impressed with the book, although she tends to dismiss pop psych books. She says I should definitely use the book to overcome my self-defeating behaviors (I've noticed her employing a few of Dr. G's suggestions as well). Now I'm going to reread it.

I don't know whether or not I have ADD, but I do have a very short attention span. It's rare that I read a book and finish it. GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY has forty 3-4 page chapters that each stand by themselves and that I can read completely and feel that I am accomplishing something instead of feeling guilty about starting yet another book and never getting very far. This book is easy to understand, easy to read, and easy to finish book and is perfect for anyone with limited time or a limited attention span.

Mentally healthy people are not threatened by the success of other people, insecure people are. This book helps you to rise to level of the healthy group. Don't be so hard on yourself in the process of growing healthy mentally. We're told, "self-flagellation is ultimately self-defeating. It's important to distinguish between hating yourself and hating something you did."

In part we receive positive feelings about ourselves based on our ability to give something of value to other people. Being other conscious rather than self-focused fits the mentally healthy personality. When you give a person your undivided attention you are giving them something of value.

The practical advice in this book will enhance your interpersonal skills. The suggestions are, generally, solid and doable.

The beauty of this book is that you can sit down and read from any of the stand on their own chapters and feel like you have a chance to make a significant change in your life. The perfect book for the person on the run, doing so many things that it is easy to be scattered. The lack of jargon also makes it friendlier and more enjoyable. I usually don't read self-help books, but I would read more like GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY,

Goulston and Goldberg's book is the first self-help book my husband has ever read. He told me it was because it had no psychobabble and gave him steps he could use. (It also helped him to forgive his dad after 20 years). Each chapter is only 3-4 pages so someone like my husband can get in and out of the book in five miutes and get something he can use immediately. He even said he'd read another book by these guys.

I been getting in my own way all of my life. I just would not admit it to myself until I got this book. A fellow inmate here at Terminal Island took back his copy of Get Out of Your Way, but after I wrote Mr. Goulston, he was kind enough to send me my own copy. I read this book already 4 times and I'm gonna use it in my life when I get outta here so I never have to go back to prison. Thank you Mr. Goulstone.