Customer Reviews

Get Real (Dortmunder)

5 star:		(19)
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First of all, RIP Donald E. Westlake. We will miss you and all your alter egos.
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Initial QUICK REVIEW:

Now I must admit I just got this book yesterday and have only read the first page. But that first page is such a masterful description of John Dortmunder it deserves a review of its own. I will come back and update this review after I have read the whole book.

As I said, the description of Dortmunder is masterful. I will quote just a bit of it here:

"He looked liked a person loitering with intent. The particular intent, as any cop casting an eye over Dortmunder would immediately understand, was beside the point, and could be fine-tuned at the station."

OK -- back to the book, which, based on the first page alone, I expect to be a wonderful, if sad, farewell to John Dortmunder and the gang at the OJ Bar and Grill.
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Now that I have read the book, here is a FULL REVIEW:

In case you don't know, John Dortmunder is a thief. That's his job and he's pretty good at it. He is the leader of an informal little gang. He comes up with clever schemes. He thinks on his feet and extracts himself and his friends from difficult situations.

Unfortunately Lady Luck seems to have it in for John. No matter how clever his scheme, now matter how carefully executed, things go wrong in, shall we say, "interesting" ways. Things have a way of working themselves out in the end but John and his friends never hit the big one despite coming *so* close so many times.

It's no wonder poor John has such such a pessimistic view of his chances. But being the professional that he is, he never gives up. At least not with a little prodding from his friends. OK, maybe lots of prodding. Well, it's a living. And an honest one at that when compared to the dealings of many of the characters he is up against in this and most of his other capers.

John Dortmunder first came to light in the novel _The Hot Rock_ in 1970. That's 39 years of mis-adventures for us to enjoy. If you haven't read any of the Dortmunder books that would be a good place to start. The books do stand alone and need not be read in order, but I think reading a few early ones first may help you develop a feel for the characters.

In those 39 years Dortmunder has not aged nor changed in any way. The world around him did go through 39 years of change -- Dortmunder would never call it progress -- and through it all Dortmunder remained as solid as a rock. His friends have mostly kept up with the times (but also remain ageless). They have cell phones and use Google to do research. But not our John. He had a wall phone in his kitchen in 1970 and it's still his only phone in 2009. Even an answering machine is too much of a modern gadget for him to let it intrude into his world.

Donald Westlake had a way of telling Dortmunder's stories that has been imitated but never equaled. Clever plots, clever dialog and wonderful characters. The premis of this tale is "reality television". A TV producer has the idea of following along with Dortminder's gang and filming them as they plan and execute a "heist", with various difficulties thrown their way to keep it interesting. How can Dortmunder take advantage of that to make a few bucks above the promised salary without getting busted? Well, read the book to find out!

So, goodbye John Dortmunder. I have faith that this is NOT your final caper and that you are still prowling the streets of New York with your crew even if we can't read about it anymore. And here's a wish that Lady Luck smiles on you for once, or, maybe even better, turns a blind eye.

Books and the authors who write them become important parts of our lives. A new novel featuring a beloved series character by our favorite author becomes a special event, something anxiously anticipated. So it has been for the millions of fans of Donald E. Westlake over the years. Westlake died at the age of 75 last New Year's Eve.

You know an author has left his mark when the first thing you think of after the passing of the man is the passing of his creations. When I heard that Westlake had died, my first selfish thought was, "Well, what happened to Parker, the noir heist man he wrote about as Richard Stark, or to John Dortmunder, the hardworking burglar who plans so often went so wrong?" And the sad finality is that they, like Sherlock Holmes, Steve Carella and the gang from the 87th Precinct, are gone now as well.

But sometimes not without a glorious sendoff, a final gift in the form of one last book. GET REAL is the 14th and final Dortmunder novel. It is not a sad occasion but a joyous book that will make you want to go right back to the start and reread the entire series starting with THE HOT ROCK in 1970.

Westlake was a prolific author of over 100 books and a three-time Edgar Award winner. He could write very dark stories --- noir --- with the best of the hard-boiled masters. But it was while trying to come up with a Parker novel about a jewel heist that Westlake discovered John Dortmunder, a small-time burglar with big-time plans. And while Parker is about as funny as a massive heart attack --- and has given a few --- Dortmunder naturally finds himself in funny situations.

We meet Dortmunder again on page one of GET REAL waiting on a New York street corner for his getaway driver and crew mate, Stan Murch, who has a lead on a job. Westlake describes Dortmunder: "A slope-shouldered, glum looking individual in clothing that hadn't been designed by anybody, he knew what he looked like when he stood for a while in one place on a street corner, and what he looked like was a person loitering with intent."

Stan's mom, who drives a New York City cab, is, like any mom, worrying about her son. Since we have entered some sort of super security state now, where we're being watched all the time, she declares, "It is time, Stanley, you underwent a career change." For Dortmunder, it makes no difference, she tells him, since he has no marketable skills anyway. Just what he needs to hear. But he pays closer attention when he finds that she recently had a fare who is a reality TV show producer looking to do a new program based on real crooks.

There are not exactly a lot of things falling off the back of trucks these days for either crooks or professional writers. So the boys agree to meet with the producer, Doug, of Get Real Productions, maker of such cultural classics as "The One-Legged Race."He takes one look at Dortmunder and sees dollar signs. Imagine a series about a crew of burglars actually planning and conducting a heist. It sounds like something out of Paddy Chayefsky's classic 1976 movie Network.

But the producer is serious. Westlake writes, "`These guys,' Doug said, `have a certain grungy kind of authenticity about them that will play well on the small screen.'" Doug is as fake as his medium and now has wandered into another, possibly dangerous, world. He finds it a little disconcerting that whenever the burglars need to "take a meeting" they simply break into his high-security apartment, sit around and wait for him to get home from work, thus foiling his amorous plans on one occasion.

The Dortmunder crew is quickly operational after meeting in their usual joint, the backroom of the OJ Bar & Grill. There is Andy Kelp, the hustler as upbeat as Dortmunder is dour. He is also a master lock man. Westlake writes, "Andy Kelp liked locks and locks like Andy Kelp." And then there is Tiny, who nobody but his closest friend dare call by that name. Tiny is described as looking like "three or four" wrestlers "rolled into one." At one point, Tiny has to carry a ladder. Westlake writes, "If the world wore a propeller beanie, this is what it would look like." And there is also Judson Blint, aka The Kid, a new recruit and novice thief who joined the group a few adventures back. He takes a much more prominent role here.

What ensues is a comical game of cat and mouse. The burglars conceive of a plan to rip off the multinational corporation that owns the reality TV show while using a small-time heist for the cameras as a diversion. The corporation, which apparently has some nasty secrets of its own, tries to outsmart the crew. After all, these people work in TV, so they must be smart, right?

It is here where Westlake's brilliance shines through. This is not just a comic caper novel; it also delivers biting social commentary. We learn, for example, exactly what the entire phenomenon of reality TV is: a way for multinational corporations to avoid hiring writers and actors and paying them livable union wages. CBS and Disney aren't much different from Walmart in that regard.

And, like everything on television, reality TV is fake. The producers have to "shape" the reality to "make it entertainment." Doug declares, "In the world of reality, we do not have surprises." When a young, naïve PA loses her job, she asks if she has been fired. "Doug answered. `Nobody's fired, Marcy. It's just that none of those jobs exist anymore.'"

In that one simple sentence, a brilliant mystery writer captured exactly what happened to millions of American workers in industries from steel to autos to newspapers in the last 30 years. And it was not the small-time crooks like Dortmunder and his friends who committed that robbery. GET REAL is a wonderful coda to a terrific series by one of America's greatest mystery writers. And as Dortmunder and his crew disappear into their city for the last time, we can be happy that they have a few bucks in their pockets and will live on in literary history.

But you get the sense here that they were never the real pros. The greedy corporations and bankers and Wall Street thieves who stole trillions and got rewarded with billions more from the taxpayers were the real heisters all along. They were capable of the schemes that John, Andy, Stan, Tiny and the Kid could never dream up in a million lifetimes of crime. Donald E. Westlake will be missed, but his work will live on forever. And we were all lucky enough to be around, cheering, when he painted his masterpieces with words. Thank you, Don.

--- Reviewed by Tom Callahan

Dortmunder and his crew are thieves. They are zany, yet somehow believeable characters. The crew of five each has his specialties. Although veterans of the authors many books, this book stands alone just fine. In this episode, they get hitched up to do a reality show of them committing a crime. What makes this rather short mystery interesting beyond the quirkiness of the characters is the depiction of reality TV. Scripted, but not scripted, real but, not so real. Dortmunder and his crew must devise a way to pull off a heist to satisfy the show's executives, but still make a profit - a larger one than the show's producers expect.

By far, the best thing about Westlake's books is his cast of characters and the other people with whom he populates the book. The conversations overheard of a bar's regulars is worth the price of the book alone. The supporting cast in this one, primarily the reality show's producer and his assistant, is developed quickly and well. They are ironical in a way that brings humorous satire to the book.

This is a thoroughly amusing quick reading mystery - perfect for the beach.

John Dortmunder and his merry pack of men are fun, exciting, professional thieves who get along well and have done so for years. They are a fluid group that sets it sites on a hit, gets it done and move on in an expeditious fashion. But of all the things they never thought they would be was TV reality stars. The premise of the show being that they are thieves on a TV reality show - who saw that coming. John doesn't think this sounds like the best of ideas despite the great money. But come on when your best friend's mom tells you to try it out you what the heck you try it out.

But what John and the guys decide is a much better plan is to do is pretend to follow the plan like the creative director, Doug, wants but at the same time pull another job - the real job. They devise a great scheme to steal from the show's creator and while that will make their TV career short lived it will make them rich really fast. The glitch comes when they all start to like acting and the job seems to have disappeared, but wait is it back again!

However as with every great heist there are secrets to be revealed, plans to be discussed and problems to overcome. Can they pull the real job off while pretending to be part of the show - time will tell and the reader will discover what a great time thieves have.

This long standing series has come to a conclusion with a grand finale. While every book in this series had served up a fresh story with interesting angles this one in particular is beyond great - reality stars that aren't really stars but want to be stars yet they are stealing from the stars. Yes it all makes sense and reading the book is a true delight even with the understanding that losing the author Mr. Westlake in 2008 was a great loss on all levels.

Reviewed by Mary Gramlich ([...]) "The Reading Reviewer"

In this, the last of the Dortmunder series, the gang sets out to rob a reality show. Stan Murch's mother recommends the gang to a reality show producer who happens to hail her cab. The show will follow them as they prepare to stage a robbery.

Dortmunder and his pals are not the clueless sort you might think they are. When the producer, Doug Fairkeep, tries to record their conversations, Dortmunder confiscates the recorder; when Fairkeep's assistant tries to take their pictures on her cell phone, he's wise to that, too. The gang will be paid twenty thousand a piece for the show, but they soon find out that there's bigger money to be had at Get Real, the production company running the show. Get Real is a subsidiary of a conglomerate that uses bribery to get what they want in foreign countries. They keep cash money on hand at the Get Real production studios. Dortmunder and his righthand man, Kelp, think they know where it is.

The Dortmunder series reminds me a lot of Ed McBain's 87th Precinct series. You really need to get to know the characters before you can properly enjoy what's going on. There's Dortmunder, of course, the quiet leader; Kelp the safe cracker and lock picker; Tiny, the muscle; Stan the driver; and Judson, the kid who's learning the ropes. They really work well together, but they're a bit unlucky. Okay, a lot unlucky.

In Westlake's last effort he seems to be trying to show how clueless reality producers really are. The show that Doug Fairkeep is producing when the gang gets their offer is called The Stand, about a roadside fruit and vegetable stand. It runs into trouble when the boy love interest turns out to be gay and will not have a thing to do with the female lead. There's also talk about actors not being actors and writers not being writers in order to avoid paying union scale.

This isn't the best of the Dortmunder series, but it's a whole lot better than what passes for a best seller these days on the New York Times best-seller list.

GET REAL is the final book in Donald E. Westlake's Dortmunder series. Mr. Westlake ticked our funny bones for many years and his legions of fans will miss the engaging writer who had no equal.
The gang agree to stage a heist for reality television and the fun begins when they develop plans of their own to assist their income. John, Stan, Tiny, Kelp and the Kid are at first bewildered by the TV people who supervise their words and actions while developing on the spot story lines, there isn't anything real about it. As the show progresses they fall under the spell of the lights and want to see themselves on TV.
An excellent read for a treasure of laughs, even if you've never seen a reality TV program like me.
Nash Black, author of Indie finalists WRITING AS A SMALL BUSINESS and HAINTS.

I've read all the Dortmunder series, and many other of Westlake's and this and Drowned Hopes are the best, although they all are wonderful. The premise here is that the crooks are asked to appear on a "reality" show on TV, planning and executing their crime. Complications set in. Dortmunder isn't as dominant a character in this book compared to many others, but he is still the main man. Lots of laughs, and a fun read even for folks who don't read or particularly like "crime" fiction. Hard to classify Westlake, other than entertaining.
Someone needs to come out with the entire Dortmunder series in a boxed set! They've made a few into movies, but the movies do not capture the irony or the sadness of Dortmunder that makes him someone you care about. The movies are all slap stick versions that miss the deeper "the world's against me" doggedness of Dortmunder.

Dortmunder and crew agree to be on a reality tv show about them planning and executing a heist. As usual, nothing goes according to plan...

Typical of the entire series, a huge dose of suspension-of-disbelief is required, but once you get past that, it's an absolute hoot. This one is probably the funniest one I've read, in part because of a subplot that scathingly rips into the surreal world of reality television.

If you like the series, you'll like this one and probably think it 5-star stuff.

Get Real is a lot different to the usual John Dortmunder Caper. Dortmunder himself actually has a less word count appearance than Andy Kelp and some of the other gang members. This does fit the story as his role is usually coming up with the solution to getting into a property, blending in, or retrieving stolen loot which isn't needed in this novel's plot. The enjoyment to its fullest element of this novel does rely on you being somewhat familiar with these characters from previous novels, and although you could still read it as a stand alone novel I'd recommend reading at least a few of the previous novels in the series first.

Basic plot of this one is Taxi driver and mother of the gang's regular stolen getaway car driver Stan Murch, in wanting a better future for her son in a world where getting away with crime is getting a whole lot harder discussed this situation with a passenger who happened to be a reality TV producer for Get Real. Get Real is struggling to come up with a concept to get the ratings and this producer is very interested in Stan and his gang of thieves. He sees them as stars of a fly on the wall planning and committing a major heist TV show. He'll also pay them quite well to be on the show and since they haven't had much luck lately and could use the cash, Stan and Dortmunder then later the rest of the gang decide to check it out. Plus there's got to be other stuff they could steal while employed there.

This isn't the greatest caper of the John Dortmunder novels, and it's a long way off reaching the high bar set by Westlake's greatest masterpieces, but even though obviously it wasn't planned to be Dortmunder and his fellow criminals last adventure, it is kind of fitting that it ended up being so. The fact that it is set in a lot more modern day setting than many a previous adventure at least lets us know that Dortmunder and the other regular criminals are aware of CCTV security cameras and stuff like this and that with future adventures where we obviously won't be joining them, they'll be all right.

Westlake is one of the greatest authors the modern world ever enjoyed. It is a shame we won't see anything after this. To those who have only picked up the John Dortmunder series I would highly recommend reading his independent storyline comic capers especially masterpieces such as Smoke, The Spy in the Ointment a New York Dance, Cops and Robbers and Help, I am being held prisoner. Westlake wrote more than just comic capers though, he wrote a Western, sci-fi, non comic crime capers and thrillers. The best of those is the ultimate solution to unemployment The Ax. Check out all his work though.

Incidentally the late great Westlake's original novel has been republished by Hard Case Crime under the title The Cutie. As will publish the last novel he ever wrote which is in the same hard crime genre (not a comic caper) Memory which is yet to be released.

This novel is just as sharp as THE HOT ROCK written 40 years ago. Dortmunder also is still at his sharpest although good luck has never really opened up to him. I guess that's what hs kept him going, still trying for an elusive "big score". As usual, the regular characters are still delightful as our the new ones. So help me, I fell in love with Marcy and would go after her before Darlene any day of the week. But that's just meI was sorry that Dotmunder didn't follow his higher inclination at the end. Ah well.The picture of how "reality" shows are ground out as especially entertaining and possibly illuminating. All in all,I unconditionally recommen this..