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Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening Paperback – December 12, 2003

4.1 out of 5 stars 97 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"With a map, directions, and the family in the driver's seat, Get Your Loved One Sober is an important book for any family affected by alcohol abuse."
--Claudia Black, PhD, author of It Will Never Happen to Me

"For decades it was believed that there was nothing one could do to help substance-abusing loved ones until they hit bottom or that heavy-handed confrontational tactics were necessary. Bob Meyers has developed a remarkably effective and gentle method for working through family members and concerned significant others to help their 'unmotivated' loved ones get into treatment. It is no longer necessary to feel helpless and hopeless. This book offers clear and practical advice based on solid scientific research."
--William R. Miller, PhD, distinguished professor of psychology and psychiatry and author of Motivational Interviewing

"Get Your Loved One Sober is an outstanding resource for persons dealing with loved ones who refuse to get help for their substance abuse problem. Years of research show that the approach described in this book works. I highly recommend it."
--Timothy O'Farrell, PhD, chief of the Families and Addiction Program, Harvard Medical School, Department of Psychiatry

'If you feel like your life is out of control because of someone else's substance abuse, this book will put you in the driver's seat with research-based strategies that can make life infinitely better--for you and your loved one. Get Your Loved One Sober fills a void for everyday people as well as professionals who feel helpless and hopeless concerning substance abusers in their lives. Clearly written and engaging, this book can move you from feeling like a passive victim to becoming an empowered, active player in helping a loved one overcome a drinking problem."
--Anne M. Fletcher, MS, RD, LD, author of Sober for Good: New Solutions for Drinking Problems--Advice from Those Who Have Succeeded and recipient of the Research Society on Alcoholism Journalism Award

"Lucid and clear, this book will help those who love an addicted person find the practical steps they need to take to facilitate change. I recommend it highly."
--Thomas Bien, PhD, coauthor of Mindful Recovery and Finding the Center Within

About the Author

Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of New Mexico. He is also the Associate Director of the Clinical Research Branch of the Center on Alcoholism Substance Abuse and Addictions (CASAA). CASAA is internationally known for its excellence in substance abuse research and treatment development. Dr. Meyers has worked in the substance abuse field for over 27 years and has published several books and dozens of articles.

Brenda L. Wolfe, Ph.D., is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in the treatment of Eating Disorders, Substance Abuse, and Post-Traumatic Stress. In addition to her busy private practice, Dr. Wolfe is involved in research collaborations at the University of New Mexico, serves as a corporate consultant for the development of psychologically based services, and is active in various professional organizations. Her books and articles have appeared in both the popular and professional press.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Hazelden; 1st edition (December 12, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1592850812
  • ISBN-13: 978-1592850815
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.5 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (97 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,635 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I am so happy to recommend this book!

I was looking for a better way to get my friend into treatment and found some of the latest research on HBO's website for their series, "Addiction". The HBO website has video clips that describe the CRAFT method and how it is proven to be the most effective, so I bought this book with high hopes.

My friend decided he was ready for detox within a week of using this approach. I am grateful for tips like watching for a window and planning for treatment in advance. CRAFT is about empowerment with positive reinforcement - without anger or judgment. This book shows how important it is to avoid shame and guilt about addiction.

I wish I could give this book to everyone in Al-Anon. Al-Anon was not offering anything but a support group for feeling OK about doing nothing - "Letting Go". It did not make sense to detach from my alcoholic friend and wait for him to hit a new bottom. I did not want to isolate him further or fall back into enabling and this book explained how to take action in a healthy way.

Thank you to the authors - and to HBO for promoting CRAFT. Why isn't this more talked about?
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The problem that most people experience when trying to get their loved one sober is that they keep trying the same tactics over and over again without success. All their nagging, pleading, bargaining, and threatening is usually counterproductive. They must find a new approach.
In their book, "Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening", authors Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolf have developed a program called CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) that uses "supportive and non-confrontational methods to engage the substance abuser in treatment." CRAFT is a program for the significant other, usually a spouse living with the substance abuser.

CRAFT teaches them to improve their own lives regardless of whether the addict enters treatment or not. Meyers and Wolf claim to have a higher success rate than Al-Anon and the Johnson Institute's traditional method of intervention.

Some of their useful advice includes:

~ Identify triggers, signs of drinking, and consequences of use.
~ Develop a roadmap for dealing with triggers, signs, and consequences.
~ Do not take responsibility for the drinker's behavior.
~ Change your reaction to their drinking behavior with a number of tools.
~ Stop fixing their messes and allow them to experience the consequences.
~ Attempt to offer a more rewarding activity than drinking (good luck with this one).
~ Speak to them using "I" statements instead of "You" statements.
~ Have treatment already lined up for when they are ready.
~ Know that lapses and mistakes are a natural part of life and are to be expected in a process of change.
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Format: Paperback
My Boyfriend was a SEVERE binge drinker. I believe that this book saved his life, and quite possibly mine too.

I found this book from a self-help group, "SMART Recovery", that uses it as a guidebook for Friends & Family. They recommend to anyone joining their website because of their loved one's using, to read this book. Dr. Meyers has even come to speak to us via live chat.

The methods in this book are simplistic in concept, and throughout the last year they truly opened up my boyfriends ears, so that he could know help was a road he could CHOOSE. With us, the friends & family, being closest to our addicts, we have the most influence to give. By using the methods in this book, we can reach our addicts with love and compassion, and not simply ignore them.

I think this is the handbook to the real way to "detach with love". In a nutshell, the message is the same. The way we get the message across through CRAFT is the pivotal point. Positive reenforcement! We all know it works. It most probably will work for you too if you have a loved one who needs help, even if only to getting your sanity back and the communication flowing again.
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This book is about a more positive approach to dealing with alcoholism, and anything positive in psychology tends to get my attention, as does literature concerning helping the chemically dependent. Intended for family members and other significant others in the lives of addicted individuals (although developed for working with alcoholics, the authors contend that their approach works equally well with other addictions), the emphasis is on making not using the more desirable alternative. Based on the Community Reinforcement and Family Training Model (CRAFT), the program includes components of cognitive behavioral therapy, problem solving and information processing, family, community and systems theory, motivational interviewing, self-protection, and communication skills (how's that for a quick summary?). It seems appropriate to recommend this book to nonprofessionals who are grappling with chemical dependency in a loved one (and I already have), and who may ultimately wish to get that individual into treatment. Although this book is intended for the general public, it is based on an approach that has been shown to be quite effective in the clinical setting.
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