Customer Reviews

Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All

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The subtitle of "Getting To 50/50" by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober is How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All, so just in case you didn't catch it in the title, you know exactly where this book is going. As a working parent I'm also inspired by the stories of how others make it work, and the pedigree of the authors peaked my curiosity -- Meers is a former MD at Goldman Sachs and Strober is an MD at a Silicon Valley private equity firm.

The book is not a how-to for those struggling to make the dual-career + kids formula work , but rather it's an argument for why it's better if you go this route. The comments from working fathers were comforting. The statistics throughout the book were interesting -- I especially was surprised that the percentage of women who work in v. out of the home stays roughly constant across income demographics (I had assumed it would be higher as household income increases). I was hoping for more examples of how people make the juggle work and not just reasons why you should. The book, while comprehensive, seems more appropriate as a baby shower gift to couples struggling with the question of 2 careers v 1 or perhaps for the reading list of a college course. For working parents who have already made the decision to go for it, there is the we-are-not-alone benefit but little by the way of practical tips. I would have loved to see a few day-in-the-life examples of Meers and Strober's juggle.

That said, I was glad that I read it for its comprehensive dive into what can be a very polarizing issue. If you're part of a working couple that is on the fence about staying 2 incomes v 1, I highly recommend it. If you're interested in general business/ market trends, there is enough research and statistics to placate you and it's an important subject. If you've made up your mind about making it a go and looking for tips to make it easier, you will find some but not many here -- I'd save this read for when you're questioning your decision and want the comfort that dual career + kids is a good thing.

This is a really well written book that pulls together a lot of sociological research from trusted sources. Its thesis is an exciting : kids whose mothers work do just as well in school and life as those who stay at home, and kids whose fathers are integrally involved in their lives do much better than those who aren't. Finally, an antidote to working mother guilt. In addition, there's lots of good strategies for negotiating balance between parents and at work. I recommend it to anyone who wants both a productive work life and nuturing home life.

This is a very well done book. I am a 40-something female graduate of Yale Law School and former partner in a large law firm. Having grown up in a patriarchical family that did not respect women and that did not communicate well with children, and being the first woman in my family to pursue paid employment and take responsibility for myself financially, I have not married or had children in part because of confusion and fear about how to do it in a way that did not leave me (a) not working and thus dependent and probably forced into deference or passivity and thus unable to mother effectively and suffering the other costs of being 100% financially bound to a marriage, including impoverished old age, tolerating affairs, watching children being ignored or hurt by fathers and having no way to redress it, etc., or (b) working and in conflict with a man's "ego" and worried over whether children were getting what they needed. Had this book been around or had these issues even been discussed more openly during my young adulthood, I could possibly have had a much more fulfilling life and had a family. I am envious of women coming up now, many of whom will have the role models and confidence themselves to pursue careers and many of whom may be able to find men who are more accustomed to equal status with women and who have good skills for parenting children, including the emotional availability so necessary to empathize with a baby.

The book is very thorough and deals well with many of the psychological, sociological and economic issues presented in designing and living a marriage and parenthood and makes an excellent case for the two-career marriage being workable and preferable. It also provides a number of helpful suggestions.

My only suggestion is that the book would have benefited from a closer look at what people call the "negative evidence" for the two-career marriage, so that this evidence can be examined through this newer, fairer, more productive, and more-effective-for-children concept of marriage. My understanding is that there are some children who grew up with working moms who now express unhappiness about that. (As of course, there are legions of children whose fathers have neglected them personally and now express unhappiness about that.) I don't know what was going on in those people's families (and in particular, why the mother is receiving all the blame and not the father), but it would be helpful to see the studies of those children addressed. My gut tells me this is a hangover from patriarchy in which economic dependence on men tended to cause people to feel free to blame women and place expectations on them to be available to meet others' needs and to feel fear in holding men accountable, and that this distorted people's psychology. It may also reflect that our institutions and concepts of workload have not kept up with the changing family structure, and men and women are still working very hard and long hours even when they are in two-earner families and would probably sacrifice some income for more parenting time. I hope we are headed into an era where 30 and 35 hour workweeks (for lower pay, of course) are more readily obtainable, and even become the norm, for working parents (either male or female).

One caution I would offer: I have heard from a psychotherapist that it is very important for a baby, up to the age of 2, to have an empathic, capable caregiver focused on him/her 70% or more of the time. Because these months are pre-verbal and the infant is 100% dependent on the caregiver, children who are not interacted with and whose emotional experience is stifled or ignored may learn, in even that short amount of time, to suppress part of themselves and may develop dysfunctional coping mechanisms. It can be difficult to recover from this early trauma. So, if both parents are to be caregivers it is very important for both parents to have skill at responding to, validating and interacting with the baby (this is not meant as a criticism of men; many women lack this capacity as well). Therapy can help a man or woman recover the emotional literacy necessary for this if he/she has buried it because of trauma in his/her own life.

"Getting to 50/50" is a remarkably insightful and readable book about the challenges faced by modern American marriages and families. The authors have made a real contribution to the lives of millions of us who've tried to figure out ways to balance work and career in this era of gender equality.

I have been a member of a two-career couple since 1977. I am often asked by entrepreneurial students, alumni, and consulting clients how to juggle two careers plus a marriage, raising children and caring for aging parents. I have read lots of books and articles about two career marriages over the years and have been unimpressed with most of them.

When I read "Getting to 50/50" I was blown away by how insightfully it captured the challenges facing both men and women in two career marriages, and gave pragmatic ideas on how to overcome those challenges. Students who have read the book (and shared it with their significant others) have had a unanimous response--everyone thought the book was profoundly useful.

As a psychologist and a mother, I'd highly recommend this book to families with working parents. It offers insightful, practical advice on how to raise kids while you are in the workforce. It is extremely helpful for mothers who are thinking about going back to work after having a baby.

-Rebecca Klein, PsyD

As a new dad I have been told to read soooooooo many books. Getting to 50/50 was great as it provided a totally different perspective than the traditional parenting 101 style books. It debunked many accepted myths with actual studies and data.

No hitches at all with ordering this book and receiving it in very good condition used. Would order from this vendor again without hesitation.

I sent a copy of this book to my daughter and son-in-law. It arrived on time and in very good condition. I don't believe they have had a chance to read it yet but in skimming through it they thought it had a lot of good information........some things they are already doing, which made them happy, and some ideas they will follow up. I also wanted to reaffirm that they were doing a good job as parents who are already doing it 50/50. But with two little kids and two professional careers they need the positive support. Great little family.