1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Powerful, compassionate and insightful, March 9, 2008
This review is from: Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart (Paperback)
On second reading I discovered that this book is not just for Mama's
Boys and Daddy's Girls, but has wisdom and insight to offer anyone in
a serious relationship or hoping for one.
I found the authors' depth of understanding of Bert Hellinger's work
addressing relationship with self-acceptance, healing and self love to
be another invaluable aspect of this book. I think it is an excellent
guide to bringing love and understanding into any relationship and
into one's own life.
RC Mulligan
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
insightful and helpful, March 5, 2008
This review is from: Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart (Paperback)
A very insightful and helpful book examining an unbelievably common relationship pattern in today's world; The Mamma's Boy/Daddy's Girl phenomenon. Written with a rare intimacy, this book cuts a huge subject down to it's fundamentals- to the root of many of the difficulties we all face in our relationships. The book offers us an understanding of the unconscious forces that drive us, and with that understanding allows us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions so that we are free to create the ideal relationships that our hearts truly desire.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Good advice, and practical methods, June 30, 2009
This review is from: Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart (Paperback)
This book is about changing the love styles we learned during infancy and childhood so that we can make the kind of love connection we want.
In The Chemistry of Connection, I described how our early experiences of mothering influence our brain development and neurochemistry. I see Getting Back to Love as a terrific sequel to Chemistry. In their book, Joseph and Sarah Malinak explain how these early, pre-conscious experiences play out in adulthood.
In the book, they describe syndromes they call Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls: People who never grow up into adult men and women.
"When a man depends on a woman for his worth as a man, he is invariably disappointed, because his worth as a man can only be sustained if it comes from within." (The same goes for women who define themselves by their worth to a man -- and, although the Malinaks don't mention this, I think it holds true for a gay man or woman who defines him or herself by their worth to a potential lover.)
Daddy's Girls are taught that the man is the most important thing in their lives, while Mama's Boys learn that their power comes only from women.
Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls are created, according to the book, through lack of connection with their same-sex parents. Around puberty, boys and girls need to spend more time with fathers or mothers, who help initiate them into not necessarily gender roles, but rather, into the essence of femininity or masculinity. In this era of single-parent families, that can be especially difficult for boys.
The Malinaks certainly put some things in my own relationships in a new light. I am definitely a Daddy's Girl; this makes sense, because I always had a very hard time with my mother, and never felt that she loved me or cared for me (in the literal sense). They also share their own love story -- and it illustrates how a healthy, oxytocin-based relationship develops.
Ultimately, they remind us, "It's all about you." If you continually find yourself in relationships with someone who demands to be taken care of or bosses you around, it's because of the way you relate to others. You may have heard this before, but the Malinaks help you understand how to change yourself in a highly engaging way.
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