Customer Reviews

Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart

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On second reading I discovered that this book is not just for Mama's
Boys and Daddy's Girls, but has wisdom and insight to offer anyone in
a serious relationship or hoping for one.

I found the authors' depth of understanding of Bert Hellinger's work
addressing relationship with self-acceptance, healing and self love to
be another invaluable aspect of this book. I think it is an excellent
guide to bringing love and understanding into any relationship and
into one's own life.

RC Mulligan

A very insightful and helpful book examining an unbelievably common relationship pattern in today's world; The Mamma's Boy/Daddy's Girl phenomenon. Written with a rare intimacy, this book cuts a huge subject down to it's fundamentals- to the root of many of the difficulties we all face in our relationships. The book offers us an understanding of the unconscious forces that drive us, and with that understanding allows us the opportunity to take responsibility for our actions so that we are free to create the ideal relationships that our hearts truly desire.

This book is about changing the love styles we learned during infancy and childhood so that we can make the kind of love connection we want.

In The Chemistry of Connection, I described how our early experiences of mothering influence our brain development and neurochemistry. I see Getting Back to Love as a terrific sequel to Chemistry. In their book, Joseph and Sarah Malinak explain how these early, pre-conscious experiences play out in adulthood.

In the book, they describe syndromes they call Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls: People who never grow up into adult men and women.

"When a man depends on a woman for his worth as a man, he is invariably disappointed, because his worth as a man can only be sustained if it comes from within." (The same goes for women who define themselves by their worth to a man -- and, although the Malinaks don't mention this, I think it holds true for a gay man or woman who defines him or herself by their worth to a potential lover.)

Daddy's Girls are taught that the man is the most important thing in their lives, while Mama's Boys learn that their power comes only from women.

Mama's Boys and Daddy's Girls are created, according to the book, through lack of connection with their same-sex parents. Around puberty, boys and girls need to spend more time with fathers or mothers, who help initiate them into not necessarily gender roles, but rather, into the essence of femininity or masculinity. In this era of single-parent families, that can be especially difficult for boys.

The Malinaks certainly put some things in my own relationships in a new light. I am definitely a Daddy's Girl; this makes sense, because I always had a very hard time with my mother, and never felt that she loved me or cared for me (in the literal sense). They also share their own love story -- and it illustrates how a healthy, oxytocin-based relationship develops.

Ultimately, they remind us, "It's all about you." If you continually find yourself in relationships with someone who demands to be taken care of or bosses you around, it's because of the way you relate to others. You may have heard this before, but the Malinaks help you understand how to change yourself in a highly engaging way.

I had to share how shocked I was to find out that I was a Daddy's girl, even though I had grown up with out a Father firgure most of my life. This book has helped me confront my own self destructive patterns as a single woman always attracting the Mommy Boy; I FINALLY understand why, thanks to the honest and detailed descriptions in this book. Thank you Joseph and Elizabeth for sharing the TRUTH!
Diana, O.P., FL.

The title really caught my attention. It describes my marital relationship perfectly. The book was a joy to read, especially the last chapter titled, "Making a Difference". On almost every page in that chapter I highlighted a sentence or two. Thank you both for such an insightful book.

As living examples of their work, Sarah and Joseph take a refreshing look at the ABC's of 'why' and 'how' we may be building our relationships now and moving us forward, step by step, toward mastering our ideals.

I have known Joseph and Sarah for many years. The commitment to their relationship and helping others runs very deep. Their personal honesty in this book opened my eyes to relationship issues that could easily be overlooked. If you are wanting a closer relationship, the insights in this book can be an essential step in attaining one. I now use the information to help clients, so I recommend this book to both practitioners and individuals.

I wasn't going to review my own book! But we are so excited about the responses that are coming in, I couldn't resist have something to say.

One young woman said the information was helping her in her marriage before she even finished reading it.

Parents, especially single parents, are finding it useful because it gives them tools to make a difference in the romantic futures of their children.

Singles appreciate it because it helps them get clear and focused about the kind of romantic relationship they want to create.

"Getting Back to Love" is about adult mama's boys and adult daddy's girls and the challenges these folks have in their romantic relationships as well as their other relationships. What we love about the information is that, rather than making anybody "wrong," it's all about providing options for couples living at their highest romantic potential!

Written from both the male and female perspectives, "Getting Back to Love" provides support for both parties in the relationship. When a mama's boy and a daddy's girl fall in love, there is such potential for romance, passion, and joy. When a level of commitment is reached that allows the couple to relax, the behavior patterns of being a mama's boy and daddy's girl begin to get in the way of good love, even eroding it. "Getting Back to Love" helps couples get back in touch with the romance, passion, and joy of two adults loving each other. And it gives couples tools to make that difference for themselves for the rest of their lives.