Do your relationships always crash? Do your married friends wonder what's wrong? "They write sitcoms about people like us," says "commitmentphobia" expert Steven Carter, "but it looks a lot more fun on the small screen than it feels in real life." The problem may be your fear of the risks of intimacy and commitment. Carter himself was a closet "commitmentphobic" when he wrote Men Who Can't Love. Now, in Getting to Commitment, he explains how to break those patterns and forge intimate connections--as he has done in his own life.
Carter sees eight hurdles between you and the relationship you deserve. He deftly analyzes each problem, points out self-destructive nonsolutions, and explains the steps necessary to break the barrier. For example, one hurdle is blaming your partners' shortcomings for the failure of previous relationships. Breaking the pattern involves seeing how you choose particular partners and self-destruct in relationships--going from blame to responsibility. Other hurdles include relationship-history ghosts, living in fantasy, and ineffective behavior patterns. "If we are to experience intimacy, our hearts have to be brave as well as loving," says Carter. Getting to Commitment will help you find that courage. Highly recommended. --Joan Price --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Author (with Sokol) of the bestselling Men Who Can't Love, Carter, again writing with Sokol, offers advice here for both men and women with "commitmentphobia." While recognizing the "hard work" of long-term relationships, he focuses almost exclusively on "old choices, old habits, old fantasies, old programs, old language, old doubts, and old fears" that sabotage relationships in their very early stages. Carter claims that by examining and clearing out these impediments, "[t]he possibility for real love and commitment slowly blossoms in front of you like a beautiful flower." He thoroughly explores the need to stop blaming, and to understand and release old relationship "ghosts"; to develop and maintain a healthy sense of self and "self-protection"; distinguish fantasy from reality; reveal your true self; accept differences and imperfections; change old patterns; and work through anxieties. Commitment to a relationship, according to Carter, requires time, desire, energy, risk, help (from friends, family, support groups and professional therapists), mutual effort and faith. Most of all, he warns, it takes "courage." Readers will find understanding and wise counsel here for difficult feelings and self-defeating behaviors that may be hard to face, from a man who shares his own commitment fears and how he overcame them. 50,000 first printing; author tour.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
This book really gets into the heart of issues that I think most single people can relate too. And some of those in relationship too. Read morePublished 14 days ago by India Leigh
I read thr author's other book "he's scared, she's scared", and it struck a deep chord for sure and opened my eyes a lot. But this book is THE book!!! Read morePublished 18 days ago by Common reader
Such a straight forward informative book. I would reccomend this book to any going through commitment phobia or the partner of someone with commitment phobiaPublished 1 month ago by Hanna Socol
http://www.amazon.com/Commitment-Gear-Milestone-Bracelet-Bracelets/dp/B010P7HYHY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1435719844&sr=8-2&keywords=Milestone+braceletPublished 2 months ago by AddyRaw
Great book- have recommended to clients and used in my work with 20 something's who are having difficulty committing!Published 2 months ago by A. Bruno
As I was reading I kept thinking, yep, that's me. Yep, I do that. This book has been instrumental to me in making sense why I've been behaving the way I have. There is help!Published 2 months ago by Lisa Tucker
Well written, use as a handbook, can really identify with his experience. Didn't find the examples of couples that helpful, but the book is like going to therapy, recommend!Published 2 months ago by Carol R.
I needed this book 20 years ago! Excellent analysis of commitment issues and relationship anxiety. Must read for anyone looking for love!Published 3 months ago by J. Miele
Another great book by the authors. Practical, personal advice for anyone in the dating world.Published 5 months ago by Art R.