Customer Reviews

Getting to Commitment: Overcoming the 8 Greatest Obstacles to Lasting Connection (And Finding the Courage to Love)

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I am a female in and out of a relationship with a man that has severe anxiety and has bailed out on me several times. This book has given me insight on why he is doing this and what part I may be playing into this scenario. I have identified what I need to work on in myself and can see what he needs to do to face his fears. I believe that counseling is a must but the book can serve a purpose in that it brings to light obstacles that are put in the way of actully connecting in a real way to another person. I found this book enlightening especially since it was written by a man that had the same issues and has overcome them and now is happily married.

"Getting to commitment" moves beyond Carter's previous book ("Men Who Can't Love") in two significant ways. First, he recognizes that commitment issues are not just a "guy" problem. Both sexes have them, frequently for the same reasons that are often deeply rooted in our childhood or adolescence.To Carter, these negative experiences hinder development of a mature, whole "Self", and are the basis for insecurities that become barriers to commitment. Second, Carter moves beyond simply identifying symptoms -- the warning signs for potential partners -- and meaningfully addresses proactive steps those with commitment problems can take to overcome the barriers to a fulfilling relationship. Significantly, Carter has traveled this road himself, which lends credibility to his prescriptions. The basis for his solutions is that those with commitment problems must take responsibility to be totally content with themselves and their own lives before they seek a relationship with someone else. A must read for anyone afflicted with commitment issues or involved with someone who is.

I've been in and out of what seemed to be great relationships. I've had 5 men ask me to marry them (I did marry one of them, then divorced him). But, I never could understand why when things were getting good why I always thought that they were so bad. I had been running the whole time and didn't even know it until I read this book. I can't say enough about the insight this provides to a person. If you think that it is because of the other person in you life that you can't settle down or if you know that it may be you. Please read this book. It will begin to make sense.

5 stars doesn't begin to desribe how accurate and useful this book was. As I read it I got clammy and weak kneed becasue it PERFECTLY described someone I'd been with and it answered about a million questions I had about his bizzare change of behavior. It was eerily frigthening how accurate this book was in describing my ex. One day I was the air that the breathed and the next day he wasn't sure how he felt about me, literally. What I learned is to trust my gut feeling no matter what. HIGHLY recommnded for any woman who's getting to know a man who seems too good to be true or one who has something she can't quite put her finger on. Commitment phobia is probably that "thing"

This book was given me by a co-worker and it really helped me to understand so much of what I had been doing in previous relationships...and what not to do in the one that I am currently in. I have been seeing this wonderful guy for about 5 months and he wants to build a life together...I refuse to even call him my boyfriend just yet, all because I think that somehow I will ultimately end up hurt or running for fear of committment...this book is an eye-opener for anyone who has had a pattern of loves lost or never found due to our pasts, our parents or those that we call ourselves "in love" with....I highly recommend it....It makes me feel like I am finally looking in the mirror at myself, my soul and my ability to be in a healthy and committed relationship...I know now that I am able and I deserve it...

My boyfriend was (is?) a text-book commitment-phobe. Another of the authors' books, "He's scared, she's scared," helped us both recognize the symptoms for what they were, but that book didn't offer any solutions. Finally, with this book, my boyfriend learned how to work with his fears and happily stay in our relationship. Between the two books he learned his triggers, his reactions, and how to remain calm in the face of them. We have now been together >3 years and are having a fantastic relationship! I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is a commitment-phobe but who recognizes they are, yet truly wants a committed relationship.

I have had three commitmentphobic relationships in my life, the last one being the hardest. I wanted to understand why it happened, how to stop the patterns etc and bought as many Steven Carter books as I could on the subject. I read this book some 3 months or so ago. I feel it is a book written more for the commitmentphobic than for the passive partner. Steven explains the behaviourism of commimentphobics and offers some advice in how they can stop the behaviour but doesn't explain how they can do it and Steven didn't really give much detail of his own case history as an example, which I was hoping for.

I personally don't feel it offers much help to the passive partner in how to recover from the relationship as most of Steven's books say just "forget the commitmentphobic and move on" which is easier said than done especially when someone has been such a profound part of your life. I bought Steven's books trying to understand the commitmentphobic and how to heal etc - this book didn't offer that ... when I finished the book, I thought, oh, I didn't really learn much at all and am still searching how to heal.

I have since been reading many other books in an attempt to find ways to help me heal from this (as it's been 5 months since the end of the relationship and I'm still hurting) and recommend that this book be bought (as it does give some insight) to understand a little coming from the commitmentphobic point and to also read books such as Pia Mellody's "Facing Love Addiction - Letting Go of Toxic Love" which shows and helps you work on your own personal healing step by step and at the same time helps you understand why you are a Love Addict (passive partner) and why your partner is an Avoidance Addict (commitmentphobic). It's probably best to read Steven's book as well as I was able to understand Pia's book better having read Steven's book first (hope that made sense).

My first introduction to Steven Carter was his book "He's Scared, She's Scared" which a friend recommended to me upon the dissolution of a relationship. While that book was a great help, it wasn't strong on what to do about it. That is where this book excels. Like many psychological issues, it is not a matter of whether or not we have the condition, it is only a matter of degree. This book has helped me identify my trigger points for commitmentphobia (fear of commitment) and how to manage them. By taking self-responsibility I am able to deepen intimacy in my life. This book would be helpful to anyone seeking to improve or work on relationships.

For anyone who lives in an urban, singles area of town, this book is worth a thorough reading into some of the bizarre and hurtful practices of those who seem to be all there and ready for a relationship (even stating so), but then suddenly cool off and disappear, leaving you to wonder what you said or did....

This book goes into the minds of the people who act in that way and offers sound advice on how they can change. It also goes over the fact that the other person involved usually *does play a role* in ignoring the signs of a relationship that is doomed. It does not victimize or persecure any of the parties, but gives a good account of the 'under the hood' stuff that may be happening.

It's a good heads up for those stuck in the land of the singledoms.

I read this book in the hopes of unearthing the commitment issues my old boyfriend was suffering from. Imagine my surprise to find myself in the same book. This book clearly points out some of the self-constructed barriers we put up, when we honestly think we are giving love our best shot. If you are thinking you might need this book, read this book.