Customer Reviews


397 Reviews
5 star:
 (282)
4 star:
 (61)
3 star:
 (17)
2 star:
 (21)
1 star:
 (16)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
Share your thoughts with other customers
Create your own review
 
 

The most helpful favorable review
The most helpful critical review


325 of 340 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the few books that may really change your life
The relationship/self-help book market is booming. When looking for one of these books you are presented with a bewildering array of "experts" and "specialists", each with their pet theories about where men and women come from or what "rules" you should apply to your relationship.
It is rare to find a book written by an author with solid academic credentials and...
Published on April 9, 2001 by SH in Tampa

versus
92 of 102 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Narrow View
The upside to this book is that it should get couples to discuss their issues openly. The downside is that Hendrix has his narrow philosophy about where all marriage problems come from, and then conveniently interprets every relational problem within this philosophy. Hendrix's main belief is that we are all looking for partners that will give us what we did not receive...
Published on November 25, 2011 by GTO


‹ Previous | 1 240 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

325 of 340 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the few books that may really change your life, April 9, 2001
The relationship/self-help book market is booming. When looking for one of these books you are presented with a bewildering array of "experts" and "specialists", each with their pet theories about where men and women come from or what "rules" you should apply to your relationship.
It is rare to find a book written by an author with solid academic credentials and years of clinical practice. This book is one such find.
The book is organized into three parts. In part I, Dr. Hendrix describes the type of relationships most of us have - "Unconscious Marriage". In this section, he details how our childhood experiences, self image and ideals of romantic love combine to create an unstated power struggle between spouses. Often many books stop at this point, assuming that the reader can now go forth and solve their problems. Fortunately Dr. Hendrix continues.
In the second part, he describes what a more fulfilling relationship might look like, the "Conscious Marriage". He describes how to begin with commitment, stop destructive exit patterns, creating a zone of safety, understanding yourself and your partner, how to begin real self growth and containing rage. He closes by providing two examples of marriages that have been transformed by applying these techniques. The exercises and approaches described by Dr. Hendrix are hard. His most meaningful techniques are not quick tricks but require a lot of introspection and self awareness. As he mentions in his book, many couples may require external assistance (we did). However, his techniques provides lasting changes in the way that you interact with your partner.
The final part of the book is a series of exercises that help drive how the major points in each chapter of the preceding two sections. Relevant and helpful, their main point appears to be to draw the reader into applying the theories presented in the book to their own situation. In this respect, they are helpful.
We have tried a number of different books/techniques to help our relationship and we found this one to be the most helpful by orders of magnitude. I hope it works well for others
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


209 of 225 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Life Changing!!!, February 27, 2001
By A Customer
Let me start by saying I am not a self-help book devotee. That said, this book has revolutionized my relationship with my husband and taken it to a new level. BUT... I recommend this book for only those seriously committed to REALLY wanting an honest, soul-fully deep relationship. This is not a quick fix book full of easy answers. If you are looking for a book to tell you how to fix your partner or get them to be what you want them to be, don't buy this book.
To make the concepts in Getting The Love You Want work, it takes a tremendous amount of gut wrenchingly honest introsepction, humility, willingness to do things completely differently, and total selflessness. It's hard work.
But if you do what this book suggests, your life will be forever changed ... in all your relationships. This book has changed my life and enriched it beyond belief. I read the book - my husband didn't. Although he was not a proactive participant in the process, his life has been equally impacted and we are getting all we ever hoped for from each other.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


175 of 189 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Solid insight, not just for after problems start., April 23, 2005
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
When I told a pastor friend of mine a short time ago that I was ready to start pursuing a relationship again he recommend this book. When I noticed that it referred to itself as a guide to couples I thought maybe he'd made a mistake recommending it to me, however, as soon as I started getting into it I realized why he thought it'd be helpful to read even before I got into a relationship.

I'd recommend this book to both couples in crisis and those just trying to make things better as well as to any, like myself, that simply want to work on knowing ourselves better before getting into a relationship. It is also very helpful in being able to form insight into how others relate to us in a relationship, why they expect what they do and why we expect what we do.

Some of the author's insight into how childhood wounds effect us are very helpful in seeing how some of our personality gets formed and how those traits affect both our partners and ourselves. When two people start a relationship they both have expectations, conscious and subconscious, of what they expect the other person to do for them. Obviously in a healthy relationship both people are trying to love and give to the other person because giving and loving and being unselfish are traits we all recognize as being "good" and honourable and most healthy people desire to be good or Godly in some form or another.

What is not so obvious, and what I found most helpful in my reading of this book, is that people go into a relationship with the expectation that the other person will heal us where we were wounded and hurt as children. This unconscious desire to have our partners fill the need left behind by our less than perfect parents often is the cause of the ensuing battles and eventual breakdown of relationships. Often the net result of this inability to get our partners to heal us is divorce.

I feel very positive about what I learned in this book and while certainly no panacea, I believe that anyone with an open mind and a desire to learn about themselves and have a greater empathy for their mates will get something positive here. I give it a strong recommendation to both married couples and those that intend to be in the future.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


88 of 93 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars 20 Years Later, August 9, 2010
Two decades ago, while I was enduring the aftermath of a divorce, an acquaintance "tricked" me into reading this book. (That's an interesting story, but for another time.)

I had heard it said that unless we understand why we married our first spouse, we were almost certainly doomed to remarry the "same person". That I did NOT want to do. So, in order to avoid that dreadful prospect, I began reading this book.

At first I was appalled at Hendrix's explanation of why I had chosen my first wife. In fact, I was so offended (and frightened) by what he said, that I almost threw away the book. However, I was just desperate enough to keep reading. And, I am certainly thankful I did. By the end of the book, I was convinced Hendrix was absolutely right in his explanation of love (as a mental process) and why we choose whom we choose.

Twenty years later, I can testify that I am still indebted to this book. It has helped me avoid a number of HORRIBLE mistakes that I was initially inclined to make.

I would also advise anyone who will listen to read this book. Read it as if you're a single person, even if you're married. Read it if you want to understand why you make the decisions you make. Read it if you want to avoid multiple failures in relationships and all sorts of life-changing decisions.

As Solomon wrote: "The mind of the wise seeks knowledge. But the mouth of the fool feeds on folly." (Proverbs 15.14) This book might just be the first meal of wisdom you need.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


85 of 92 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This books actively helps you restore relationships., July 29, 1999
By A Customer
The wonderful thing about Hendrix's book is that it is designed to help you restore your relationship not just understand how it fell apart.
We marry often by chance or peer pressure and live to wonder how "we got into this."
Hendrix shows us how to meet our own legitimate needs and understand how to meet our partners'.
In the end we cannot badger our partner into changing or loving us.
It is us who must change and in doing so we change the conduct of our partner.
We need to understand both, but work on ourselves.
Any one who feels stress in any relationship should read and understand the "imago" and our limbic brains use of it.
As Tina Turner says, "Whats love got to do with it,...its just a second hand emotion"
Well she half right. Visceral love has a lot to do with who we married, but mature love has as much to do with staying married.
Dr Hendrix is terrific.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


92 of 102 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Narrow View, November 25, 2011
By 
GTO (Phoenix, AZ) - See all my reviews
The upside to this book is that it should get couples to discuss their issues openly. The downside is that Hendrix has his narrow philosophy about where all marriage problems come from, and then conveniently interprets every relational problem within this philosophy. Hendrix's main belief is that we are all looking for partners that will give us what we did not receive from our childhood primary caregivers. Though this may be true in certain cases, to make this the only source of issues in relationships is very simplistic. Relationships are complicated. Simple answers are seldom appropriate. However, this book will get you to think about your relationship and hopefully help you to get to the true root of your relational issues.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


67 of 74 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Must Reading for All Couples!, January 18, 2000
By 
BL (New Jersey, USA) - See all my reviews
My therapist recommended this book to me and I must say I learned more about myself and my spouse in a couple of weeks then I have learned in 11 years of marriage. The book is very easy reading and really makes one think about how we think, how we respond to people and provides steps to make changes in relationships. The book also explains how our childhood plays an important part in who we are and how we deal in relationships. I'm not yet finished with the book, but I've already told my wife to please read the book. I believe that if we follow what is written in the book, our marriage can be saved and that we can be happy once again.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


47 of 52 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Working much faster than anticipated!, October 7, 2003
By A Customer
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
We're an average couple with a toddler and all the accompanying stresses that finally brought all our relationship problems to the boiling point. When I found myself saying "I can't take this anymore" I decided to get the book because I'd heard good things about it. The text section at the beginning of the book completely made sense to me, so I asked my husband if he'd be willing to commit to doing the exercises with me. It's a commitment of one 1-2 hour session each week for 10 weeks. My husband was up for the plan, so we started it out.
Here we are 3 weeks into the exercises, and our marriage is better than it's been at least since our son was born. We found that the simple act of signing our agreements to work through all the exercises in good faith and then doing week 1 (creating a common vision for your relationship) lifted a lot of tension and allowed us to be able to give each other the benefit of the doubt more easily. After slogging through the tough stuff of week 2 and then sharing it with each other in week 3 we seem to be closer than I can remember us being since the initial glow of infatuation wore off. I'm actually starting to look forward to our weekly sessions instead of dreading them as something we had to do because we didn't want to split up.
Some of the reviewers of this book sound like it's got a magic incantation that you can say that will make your relationship fixed in an instant. That's not the case at all. It *does* give you the tools to help yourselves *if you want to*. You're still going to have to sit down and talk about it and write it down and think about yourself and what you really want and what you've been fooling yourself about. But the exercises are designed to bring you just as far as you need to go each week without overwhelming you. Some of the exercises seem a little hokey, but laughing at the language helped us bond a little more, so who cares? It's working so far. I'll post again in a few weeks when we're further into it to give an updated view.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


37 of 40 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Save yourself years of pain - Read This Book!, August 18, 2001
By 
It's hard to put into words just how powerful this book is. It does a really great job of explaining how you have become who you are today, and gives you the tools to understand yourself as well as your partner. From that, you can start to resolve long standing problems - some of which you may not even know you had. It really helps you to get below the surface problems and deal with underlying issues.
The book is laid out in such a way that it continues to build on itself. In the beginning it educates you on how your brain works on a deeper and subconscious level, and then presents many examples throughout the book of situations, and how to overcome them. Near the end you're presented with two couples where everything you have learned is applied to show how situations can go from hopeless to happiness.
In my opinion, this book is one of the best kept secrets. I only wish more people knew about it.
Buy the book, and read it cover to cover. The time spent is more than worth it.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


75 of 87 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It brought me comfort and understanding, May 7, 2001
By A Customer
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
My relationship of 16 months has been faltering for 8 months. Three weeks ago my girlfriend told me she "didn't want to be with me anymore." I was devastated. I've spent the last three weeks living and re-living all the events of our relationship and have talked to friends for hours ad-nauseum.
The relationship started out so well. We had been acquaintences for 8 years. Friends for 2 1/2 years and finally entered into a relationship 16 months ago. The stages of our relationship eerily followed the book.
My pain, confusion and loss was all-consuming. I could find no understanding within myself, no peace and no answers. Then one of my friends recommended I read this book.
I had gone through a "self-help book" craze 9 years ago for another issue I was dealing with. Although I did find some answers after reading so many books I ended up overdosing on them and haven't read one since. I was not enthusiastic at all about revisiting the "self-help" area again. But I opened the book and read the first couple sentences and knew immediately...instinctively...that this was the book that would be able to help me understand many of the issues we must face in relationships....why we are attracted to certain people and not others...what happens to relationships once you get comfortable with the other person and you begin to lower your "guard"...why many of the things you do to try to "fix" your partner actually do more to drive the partner away.
As other readers have noted, this book will not be effective for immature readers. Although I am a bit wary of psychologists that embrace a single theory to explain behavior, I found the rest of this book valuable and directly applicable to my life.
Thank God for this book. It has enabled me to have my first good night sleep in three weeks. Even if your partner lacks the maturity to absorb, understand and apply the message in this book, it will give -you- the tools you need to ensure a better relationship in the future. Thank you Dr Hendrix for writing this book!
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
Was this review helpful to you? Yes No


‹ Previous | 1 240 | Next ›
Most Helpful First | Newest First

Details

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix (Audio CD - October 1, 2004)
$17.95 $13.45
In Stock
Add to cart Add to wishlist
Search these reviews only
Send us feedback How can we make Amazon Customer Reviews better for you? Let us know here.