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Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide Paperback – December 30, 2003


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Frequently Bought Together

Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide + Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition + Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books; 1 edition (December 30, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0743483677
  • ISBN-13: 978-0743483674
  • Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 7.3 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (52 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,609 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.

Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. used her education in psychology to help develop the Imago process as well as to support gender equity -- for which she was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame. She is in great demand as a public speaker.

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
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This book combo was recommended as a couple's read.
Let's Roll!
I believe that Harville Hendrix has one of the best conceptual frameworks for relationship.
Don
Note: You need TWO workbooks, one for each of you, and the book - read the book first.
Anjanette K. Bixel

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

153 of 157 people found the following review helpful By K. Bourn on April 1, 2004
Format: Paperback
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, our society looks upon marriage as the prelude to living "happily ever after." When marriage does not lead to this expected happiness, typically we believe that is because we have chosen the wrong person, and that the solution often is to divorce and find Mr. or Ms. Right.
Harville Hendrix does a fantastic job explaining why this approach does not work. In "Getting the Love You Want Workbook," Dr. Hendrix briefly reviews his theory about how couples become attracted-and how this basis of attraction frequently sows the seeds for relationship problems. The meat of the book is a 12-week series of exercises for couples.
If you're not familiar with Dr. Hendrix's Imago theory from either "Getting the Love You Want" (written for couples) and "Keeping the Love You Find" (written for singles), and are considering getting this workbook, you really need to read "Getting" too. (My partner and I started the workbook exercises without having read all of "Getting" but we both were familiar with the Imago from "Keeping" and from previous counseling experiences.)
So what is this Imago and what exercises will you find in the workbook?
According to Dr. Hendrix, we search for partners who embody both the positive and negative traits we experienced from our family of origin/childhood caretakers. By finding a partner with these familiar traits, including traits that we do not have, we compensate for the positive parts of ourselves that we cut out in childhood. We also have a chance to heal childhood wounds in our partner and ourselves. Dr. Hendrix's exercises are designed to help couples develop a "conscious marriage" in which they change to become the person their partner needs in order to heal, and their partner does the same.
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76 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Charles 'Mack' Rhinelander on February 29, 2012
Format: Paperback
"Getting the Love You Want Workbook" is from 2003, and it cannot be used with the 2008 edition of "Getting the Love You Want" text.

The purpose of the workbook is to help with the exercises in the text.

1) The exercises in the 2008 text have been completely renamed, edited and reordered. The exercises in the 2003 workbook have no relationship to the exercises in the 2008 text.

2) As described below by Hendrix, he found one exercise to be not therapeutic, and dangerous to the relationship. He removed this exercise from the 2008 text, and wrote an entirely new one to take its place. The harmful exercise is of course still present in the 2003 workbook.

Page xvii of 2008 edition of text, "Foreword to the Twentieth-Anniversary Edition--What We Changed," third paragraph in its entirety: "Third, the most substantive revision is replacing the original chapter 11 with an entirely new chapter. This chapter used to be titled 'Containing Rage,' and it was designed to help couples express the anger and frustration they had carried over from childhood. The chapter described an exercise called the 'Full Container' that guided each partner in venting his or her anger, while helping the other listen with more compassion. At the time, we believed that this catharsis would reduce the amount of tension in their day-to-day interactions. The opposite proved to be true. We discovered that the more couples practiced the exercise, the angrier they became with each other in their daily lives."
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60 of 69 people found the following review helpful By Harriet Klausner #1 HALL OF FAME on February 9, 2004
Format: Paperback
When this reviewer first started the partnering help guide I began by just reading, but that proved inadequate and I did not need a fifty page rule to see that. Instead, I drafted my husband (who else) and like a trouper he volunteered (I think he expected to score) his services. Over the next thirteen weeks (twelve week course but we are slow learners), we followed the easy step by step instructions learning some interesting things about one another, surprisingly myself (talk about obsessive - no wonder I average three books a day) and Stan learned some things about himself (I just wish he didn't name it Harriet Hemorrhoid) once he took it seriously.
Though this book is a fine stand alone, straightforward to apply, and will immensely help couples, there are some segments that would be easier to understand ( but not necessary) if the participants had handy GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT for further explanation. The couple requires discipline to adhere to the three basic three rules over the three month period; that will prove to be worth the time if you care about your significant other and the relationship between you. The obvious implied risk is that if you do not care that will surface too. Participants will understand their own personal desires and frustrations and that of their partner, as well as those that forge from a stronger team sharing a loving relationship. Whether you are having problems or not, this guide will assist couples in strengthening their teaming by both of you "getting the love you want."
Harriet Klausner
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38 of 45 people found the following review helpful By Don on February 19, 2005
Format: Paperback
This is, in part a response to the review by Abashed. As someone who has done both self-directed couple growth exercises and counselor directed exercises, I can say that the book probably needs to be used with a degree of caution. I certainly intend to buy and use a copy. BUT, I am aware that if, as we use the exercises, a potential problem starts to surface -- then it is time to seek a professional who is trained in Imago therapy.

For most couples, the exercises in this book are likely to be a source of growth and joy. But if you start to find something else please try to find assistance.

Any self-help book in the field of psychology has this potential pitfall. The growth process is seldom completely straight-forward.

Please note that I am not saying, "Don't buy this book." I believe that it may be a source of growth for many couples. I believe that Harville Hendrix has one of the best conceptual frameworks for relationship. What I am saying is that growth is risky, and that if you and your partner start to feel problems or less close, it may be time to seek professional assistance.

Good luck and good loving to all.
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