This sensitive and biblically oriented book offers a roadmap for bereaved spouses on the journey through grief to resolution. Excellent for pastors, too.
Getting to the Other Side of Grief
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Book Description
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About the Author
Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge is a clinical psychologist at Pine Rest Mental Health Services. She is also a certified social worker and a registered nurse. Robert C. De Vries is professor of church education at Calvin Theological Seminary and regularly conducts workshops and seminars on issues relating to adult education, youth ministry, and bereavement.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
161 of 179 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
My husband had only been gone for a handful of days when I ordered this book. I read all the reviews here and thought that the "religious" aspect would somehow be acceptable, perhaps very helpful. I was stopped dead in my tracks when I read the following:
"At its very nature death is demonic, and you cannot explain the demonic. Death happens. It is not really God's fault, nor yours, nor that of your spouse. Death is the devil's calling card."
Are you kidding me? I lost my husband! He died! In the context of searching for spiritual understanding, the idea that the devil is responsible for my beloved husband's death is absurd. Even if the practical, therapy half of this book might be helpful...it is made null and void in my mind by allowing such utterly nonsensical and antiquated thinking to prevail.
I quote further:
"Lazarus will come storming from the tomb. Death can't hold him back with the power of Christ on his side. Jesus is weeping because sin has broken this world, and death is a symbol of that brokenness. Even though he has the power to fix it, Jesus grieves."
Am I to believe that my husband's death is punishment for "original sin"? The message here is that we, "man", are the cause of the curse of death, through sin we have brought death upon ourselves and only at the second coming of the Messiah will we be "resurrected".
If these ideas bring comfort to those who grieve the loss of a spouse, then this is a good book to read. I write this only as a warning to those who might have different "religious", spiritual or "Christian" beliefs, or those who may be seeking spiritual guidance. The opinions set down in this book can be very discomforting and offensive.
"At its very nature death is demonic, and you cannot explain the demonic. Death happens. It is not really God's fault, nor yours, nor that of your spouse. Death is the devil's calling card."
Are you kidding me? I lost my husband! He died! In the context of searching for spiritual understanding, the idea that the devil is responsible for my beloved husband's death is absurd. Even if the practical, therapy half of this book might be helpful...it is made null and void in my mind by allowing such utterly nonsensical and antiquated thinking to prevail.
I quote further:
"Lazarus will come storming from the tomb. Death can't hold him back with the power of Christ on his side. Jesus is weeping because sin has broken this world, and death is a symbol of that brokenness. Even though he has the power to fix it, Jesus grieves."
Am I to believe that my husband's death is punishment for "original sin"? The message here is that we, "man", are the cause of the curse of death, through sin we have brought death upon ourselves and only at the second coming of the Messiah will we be "resurrected".
If these ideas bring comfort to those who grieve the loss of a spouse, then this is a good book to read. I write this only as a warning to those who might have different "religious", spiritual or "Christian" beliefs, or those who may be seeking spiritual guidance. The opinions set down in this book can be very discomforting and offensive.
40 of 42 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
If the Christian scripture approach does not fit with your views on God and religion (it does not mine), don't let that discourage you from buying this book. The psychologist portions alone are excellent. I am not yet on "the other side" of grief, but I'm starting to see glimmers of what the other side will be like. I'm cautiously optimistic, and this book reinforces that optimism. The psychologist's entries give a wonderful, hopeful view of what's possible in starting anew. It helps assuage any lingering guilt you may feel about starting over. A central concept within is that to get to the other side, you must face your grieving head-on and not simply expect time to do the job for you. The book offers prompts for writing exercises that will help you to face and resolve issues in your grieving. It's hard to find the time to write, especially if you've still got children at home, but whatever you can do will help. Here's a motivating quote from the book: "Do not waste your life on what might have been. Deal with the grief. Deal with it now so you can get on with your life." In the early weeks, I wasn't ready to "get on"; instead, I was "holding on." That's normal, as is the change I'm now feeling towards moving on. Grief is strange, and different books and approaches help at different times. When you are ready to think about moving forward to the next chapter in your life, this book will give you the encouragement you need as well as guidance to help you to the other side.
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
What a wonderful and comforting book. It has touched on almost every feeling and concern I am having even though it has only been 6 weeks after loosing my husband of 23 years. I was able to feel comforted and assured by each chapter. The "Pastor Says" sections gives scripture to point the way and the "Psychologist Says" helps you realize all the feelings you have are okay and normal. Blending the knowledge from both aspects was so helpful. The fact that both authors have lost a spouse and know first hand the grief process shows through in this book.
The authors have Blended both the spiritual and the emotional aspects into one very special book.
The authors have Blended both the spiritual and the emotional aspects into one very special book.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Excellent resource about grieving
Excellent book on getting to the other side of grief. Emphasizes that it is both work and a journey - essentials for growth.
Published 6 months ago by William C. Walker
Provides multiple perspectives thoughtfully
I ordered this book for myself after checking it out of the "library" at a GriefShare Support Group. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Robyn
timing
My grief counselor suggested I read this book. It arrived on time,but it didn't seem to be for me, more for younger spouses, I am 65. Read more
Published 9 months ago by ann
If you have to deal with the loss of the spouse, get ANY help you can
I am widowed myself, and went through 1 1/2 devastating years until I found the ground under my feet again. Read more
Published 17 months ago by Sonja Paris
Reading about grief
Before I read this book I read a negative but very popular review. Now that I've read the book, I believe the author of that review, in her pain and suffering, misread what the... Read more
Published 19 months ago by Stella Nemeth
It helped me!
As a recent widower (four months ago) I've read numerous books on the topic of grieving. But this book has helped me with the process more than the others. Why? Read more
Published 19 months ago by underk
Help when needed for the huge pain of grief over losing a spouse
I lost my husband two years ago. Along with friends, faith and this book, I don't know how I would have made it through. Read more
Published 20 months ago by marty
One Mans Opinion
This is an excellent book for help in coping with the loss of a loved one. I use it in my ministry to help those needing help during their time of sorrow, and they tell me that it... Read more
Published on March 6, 2010 by SLH
Getting To The Other Side of Grief
This book is very helpful for those who have lost their spouse. I purchased it for myself to help me understand what a friend was going through when he lost his wife, then my... Read more
Published on January 30, 2010 by Julie
Losing a Spouse
Everyone who loses a spouse should receive or purchase this book. This self-help book is not to be read once, but several times. Through my grief group, I was loaned the book. Read more
Published on January 11, 2010 by Sandra K. Watkins
Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
At 11:15 a.m. on an October Sunday morning, Bob's wife, Char, died. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
widowed persons, grief journey, deceased spouse Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Christ Jesus, The Bible, Can You Proceed, Grieving Parent, Widowed Persons Services, Bob's Story Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
At 11:15 a.m. on an October Sunday morning, Bob's wife, Char, died. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
widowed persons, grief journey, deceased spouse Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Christ Jesus, The Bible, Can You Proceed, Grieving Parent, Widowed Persons Services, Bob's Story Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Citations (learn more)
6
books
cite this book:
See all 6 books citing this book
- Making Sense of Death: Spiritual, Pastoral, and Personal Aspects of Death, Dying, and Bereavement (Death, Value and Meaning) by Robert A. Bendiksen on page 30
- The Complete Adult Psychotherapy Treatment Planner (PracticePlanners) by Arthur E. Jongsma Jr. on page 133
- The Addiction Progress Notes Planner (PracticePlanners) by David J. Berghuis on page 168
- The Crisis Counseling and Traumatic Events Treatment Planner by Tammi D. Kolski in Back Matter
- A Good Friend for Bad Times: Helping Others Through Grief by Deborah E. Bowen in Back Matter
See all 6 books citing this book
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