Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse [Paperback]

Robert C. De Vries (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 1998

The authors, a clinical psychologist and a pastor and professor, offer comfort and guidance to those mourning their spouse's death. Both suffered the loss of a spouse at a relatively young age, and their empathy, combined with psychological insights, biblical observations, and male and female perspectives, help readers experience grief in the healthiest, most complete way.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge is a clinical psychologist at Pine Rest Mental Health Services. She is also a certified social worker and a registered nurse. Robert C. De Vries is professor of church education at Calvin Theological Seminary and regularly conducts workshops and seminars on issues relating to adult education, youth ministry, and bereavement.

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: Baker Books; Reprinted edition (October 1, 1998)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 080105821X
• ISBN-13: 978-0801058219
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #34,185 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #1 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Church Leadership > Ministry to the Sick & Bereaved
  • #62 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Death & Grief > Grief & Bereavement

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

148 of 165 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Beware - Punishing Theological Views, July 18, 2006

By 

Flower Mouth (New York, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse (Paperback)

My husband had only been gone for a handful of days when I ordered this book. I read all the reviews here and thought that the "religious" aspect would somehow be acceptable, perhaps very helpful. I was stopped dead in my tracks when I read the following:

"At its very nature death is demonic, and you cannot explain the demonic. Death happens. It is not really God's fault, nor yours, nor that of your spouse. Death is the devil's calling card."

Are you kidding me? I lost my husband! He died! In the context of searching for spiritual understanding, the idea that the devil is responsible for my beloved husband's death is absurd. Even if the practical, therapy half of this book might be helpful...it is made null and void in my mind by allowing such utterly nonsensical and antiquated thinking to prevail.

I quote further:

"Lazarus will come storming from the tomb. Death can't hold him back with the power of Christ on his side. Jesus is weeping because sin has broken this world, and death is a symbol of that brokenness. Even though he has the power to fix it, Jesus grieves."

Am I to believe that my husband's death is punishment for "original sin"? The message here is that we, "man", are the cause of the curse of death, through sin we have brought death upon ourselves and only at the second coming of the Messiah will we be "resurrected".

If these ideas bring comfort to those who grieve the loss of a spouse, then this is a good book to read. I write this only as a warning to those who might have different "religious", spiritual or "Christian" beliefs, or those who may be seeking spiritual guidance. The opinions set down in this book can be very discomforting and offensive.

40 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent--Even if you only read half, May 4, 2002

By 

BethesdaReader (Maryland) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse (Paperback)

If the Christian scripture approach does not fit with your views on God and religion (it does not mine), don't let that discourage you from buying this book. The psychologist portions alone are excellent. I am not yet on "the other side" of grief, but I'm starting to see glimmers of what the other side will be like. I'm cautiously optimistic, and this book reinforces that optimism. The psychologist's entries give a wonderful, hopeful view of what's possible in starting anew. It helps assuage any lingering guilt you may feel about starting over. A central concept within is that to get to the other side, you must face your grieving head-on and not simply expect time to do the job for you. The book offers prompts for writing exercises that will help you to face and resolve issues in your grieving. It's hard to find the time to write, especially if you've still got children at home, but whatever you can do will help. Here's a motivating quote from the book: "Do not waste your life on what might have been. Deal with the grief. Deal with it now so you can get on with your life." In the early weeks, I wasn't ready to "get on"; instead, I was "holding on." That's normal, as is the change I'm now feeling towards moving on. Grief is strange, and different books and approaches help at different times. When you are ready to think about moving forward to the next chapter in your life, this book will give you the encouragement you need as well as guidance to help you to the other side.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Getting to the Other Side of Grief, January 20, 2002

By 

Sandra Conklin (Susquehanna, PA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse (Paperback)

What a wonderful and comforting book. It has touched on almost every feeling and concern I am having even though it has only been 6 weeks after loosing my husband of 23 years. I was able to feel comforted and assured by each chapter. The "Pastor Says" sections gives scripture to point the way and the "Psychologist Says" helps you realize all the feelings you have are okay and normal. Blending the knowledge from both aspects was so helpful. The fact that both authors have lost a spouse and know first hand the grief process shows through in this book.
The authors have Blended both the spiritual and the emotional aspects into one very special book.