Customer Reviews

Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse

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My husband had only been gone for a handful of days when I ordered this book. I read all the reviews here and thought that the "religious" aspect would somehow be acceptable, perhaps very helpful. I was stopped dead in my tracks when I read the following:

"At its very nature death is demonic, and you cannot explain the demonic. Death happens. It is not really God's fault, nor yours, nor that of your spouse. Death is the devil's calling card."

Are you kidding me? I lost my husband! He died! In the context of searching for spiritual understanding, the idea that the devil is responsible for my beloved husband's death is absurd. Even if the practical, therapy half of this book might be helpful...it is made null and void in my mind by allowing such utterly nonsensical and antiquated thinking to prevail.

I quote further:

"Lazarus will come storming from the tomb. Death can't hold him back with the power of Christ on his side. Jesus is weeping because sin has broken this world, and death is a symbol of that brokenness. Even though he has the power to fix it, Jesus grieves."

Am I to believe that my husband's death is punishment for "original sin"? The message here is that we, "man", are the cause of the curse of death, through sin we have brought death upon ourselves and only at the second coming of the Messiah will we be "resurrected".

If these ideas bring comfort to those who grieve the loss of a spouse, then this is a good book to read. I write this only as a warning to those who might have different "religious", spiritual or "Christian" beliefs, or those who may be seeking spiritual guidance. The opinions set down in this book can be very discomforting and offensive.

If the Christian scripture approach does not fit with your views on God and religion (it does not mine), don't let that discourage you from buying this book. The psychologist portions alone are excellent. I am not yet on "the other side" of grief, but I'm starting to see glimmers of what the other side will be like. I'm cautiously optimistic, and this book reinforces that optimism. The psychologist's entries give a wonderful, hopeful view of what's possible in starting anew. It helps assuage any lingering guilt you may feel about starting over. A central concept within is that to get to the other side, you must face your grieving head-on and not simply expect time to do the job for you. The book offers prompts for writing exercises that will help you to face and resolve issues in your grieving. It's hard to find the time to write, especially if you've still got children at home, but whatever you can do will help. Here's a motivating quote from the book: "Do not waste your life on what might have been. Deal with the grief. Deal with it now so you can get on with your life." In the early weeks, I wasn't ready to "get on"; instead, I was "holding on." That's normal, as is the change I'm now feeling towards moving on. Grief is strange, and different books and approaches help at different times. When you are ready to think about moving forward to the next chapter in your life, this book will give you the encouragement you need as well as guidance to help you to the other side.

What a wonderful and comforting book. It has touched on almost every feeling and concern I am having even though it has only been 6 weeks after loosing my husband of 23 years. I was able to feel comforted and assured by each chapter. The "Pastor Says" sections gives scripture to point the way and the "Psychologist Says" helps you realize all the feelings you have are okay and normal. Blending the knowledge from both aspects was so helpful. The fact that both authors have lost a spouse and know first hand the grief process shows through in this book.
The authors have Blended both the spiritual and the emotional aspects into one very special book.

I ordered this book without reference due to its use of both the psychologist and the theologist perspective. I have found it the most important of the many books I have received or purchased since my wife died suddenly, leaving me with two young children and a seemingly endless set of questions and emotions. The authors manage to share with you some of their experiences in losing a spouse while providing a well researched handbook for getting on a path through the darkness. It is at once an account of their own grief (I find I need to know more and more about how others dealt with the situation) and a list of practical advice and activity that move you through the shock to a constructive grieving process. No prescriptions here, but some very sound questions to be asking yourself, backed up by research and scripture. I have to thank them for going through the effort of writing this down and sharing so much of themselves as well as their beliefs and knowledge.

I bought this book for a friend who suddenly lost her husband, to give as a gift, but now since reading it I am getting one for myself. I would not want to wait to read it if something ever happened to my own husband; I would want their gentle, realistic advice right at hand. Their book also brings up so many healthy ways to deal with any loss or major life-change, and how to come to an understanding about God's will, His love, and his plan for each of us. Chapters on finances, children, gender issues in grieving, how to move consciously and productively (at your own pace) through the "valley of the shadow of death" to the other side again.

I read this book in December after losing my 42 year old husband to brain cancer. He was my EVERYTHING! I thought that I was handling the grief well...and the book was informative, on my first pass through it in the days following my husband's death. The past month has been very difficult for me....the grief has tried to swallow me up. I started reading the book again. I am now acting on the suggestions of the authors. They were both widowed in their 40's. Their perspective comes from two different vantage points. He is a theologian...and she is a psychologist. The book has been quite helpful...and I feel as though it is helping me move forward.

There is no good source to learn how to "do" being a widow/widower. My wife died suddenly three weeks ago, and I was drowning in a sea of platitudes and well-meaning advice from friends. This book has shown me that what I feel is normal, that there are means of getting through it (not "over" it--"through" it), and that perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have purchased copies for all my adult children, and asked them to place them in their church libraries when they have read them. I highly recommend this for those who have lost a spouse, or other close loved one.

As a recent widowed person I was looking for help on what to expect now that my wife had died. This book was the answer. It was written by two professionals who had each lost their spouse. They cover the things you need to deal with from two serperate perspectives; what the psychologist says, and what the Pastor says. This approach allows you to understand what to expect and gives you two different methods of handling the various elements of your grief. I would also recommend it to a widowed person's adult children as they will better comprehend what problems the surviving parent is facing.

This book has an excellent message for surviving spouses. The authors cover three basic issues involved with the death of a spouse. First is the practical experience from the authors lose of their first spouses. Second is the Clinical aspects as their professional training comes through with the explainations of how grief effects people physically, and mentally. Third is the spirital as Bob is an ordained minister. Many times as I read this book it covered the questions I was facing and trying to answer myself. One of the important messages I received were in the title I chose. This is a journey THROUGH the shadow of death, and you will heal. If you find yourself grieving the lose of a spouse, or a close friend in that situation I highly recommend the book. It will help you begin the healing process.

Grief is a painful and often debilitating journey that challenges the griever to find new meaning in living and in his/her spititual faith. Bob and Susan take the reader by the hand and tell their own pain-filled story of their journey of grief. But, much more than a journal of their experiences, this book offers professionally sound psychological and theological analysis of the subject of grief. The author's self-disclosure regarding their own grief experiences brings flesh and blood to the abstract process of grieving.

The authors offer many practical grief-resolving suggestions on topics that range from sex to finances, parenting to dating, memeory-making to remarriage. Pastor Bob grapples with the difficult questions of theology and personal faith that surround the grief journey. The pastor provides pointed words of comapssionate support that are shaped by a hope-filled Biblical perspective. But he is never superficially pollyanna with his Christian perspective. Instead, he offers wisdom that evolved from a personal wrestling with God that tears at scripture to find meaningful truths. Susan encourages the reader to identify and stay in touch with the various emtions that are associcated with grief and recovery. Homework assignments that she offers require committment on the part of the griever to work at healthy recovery and not passively wait for time to pass. She worked at her recovery and expects the readers to do the same, but at their own pace and utilizing their own strengths. Her sensitivity as a clinician is evident throughout the book. Both authors challenge readers to work out their grief without avoidance and with the assurance that God is their partner in this painful journey of healing.