Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart [Paperback]

Douglas K. Snyder PhD (Author), Donald H. Baucom PhD (Author), Kristina Coop Gordon PhD (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 6, 2007

Discovering that a partner has been unfaithful hits you like an earthquake. Long after the first jolt, emotional aftershocks can make it difficult to be there for your family, manage your daily life, and think clearly about your options. Whether you want to end the relationship or piece things back together, Getting Past the Affair guides you through the initial trauma so you can understand what happened and why before deciding how to move forward. Based on the only program that’s been tested--and proven--to relieve destructive emotions in the wake of infidelity, this compassionate book offers support and expert advice from a team of award-winning couple therapists. If you stay with your spouse, you’ll find realistic tips for rebuilding your marriage and restoring trust. But no matter which path you choose, you’ll discover effective ways to recover personally, avoid lasting scars, and pursue healthier relationships in the future.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A worthy and important contribution to understanding and helping couples face one of the worst problems in a marriage."--John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

"It has been 4 years since the affair. The hurt lingered for what felt like forever, but our marriage was too precious to just give up on it. Working through understanding how it happened, and how to finally move past it and recover, was the most important thing. We couldn't have made it without the program in this book."--Ann and Patrick O.

"The devastation in our relationship after the revelation of the affair was unbearable. In different ways, we both felt like our hearts were in shreds. Working through the recovery process in this book was a vital part of restoring our marriage. The affair is a part of our history that we’ll never forget, but we learned how to live with it without letting it consume us. Each of us learned important things about ourselves, what made our relationship vulnerable, and how to communicate better. Words cannot express our gratitude!"--Melanie and Larry R.

"After the revelation of the affair, we were both overwhelmed with extreme emotions. The step-by-step approach outlined in this book gave us a structured and caring means to get through the first couple of months and work to understand how we got to this low point in our marriage. We made it through a very tough time and have a stronger relationship now, due to our greater understanding of both ourselves and each other. Without question, the strategies in this book saved our marriage!"--John and Sarah H.

"If your relationship is affected by an affair, this is a practical and compassionate guide about how to cope and move on. The book is full of wisdom and understanding, built from decades of experience helping those hurt by affairs. The authors are three eminent therapists who share the stories of people who have had their relationships shaken by an affair. The book describes a series of steps to get back in control of your life. The steps to recovery progress from coping with the initial shock of discovery, through making sense of what happened, to deciding what happens next. The authors suggest practical exercises to do at each step of the recovery process."--W. Kim Halford, PhD, Griffith University, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

"A book of exceptional wisdom, compassion, and practical advice from a dynamite team of therapists and researchers. I wish every couple who has experienced the trauma of an affair would read this remarkable book."--William J. Doherty, PhD, author of Take Back Your Marriage

"A calm, clear, and optimistic program for couples going through a crisis of infidelity. This is a wise guide and one I will enthusiastically recommend."--Frank Pittman, MD, author of Private Lies

"This book is wise, practical, and thorough. It guides you through the initial trauma of dealing with an affair, then goes beyond most resources in taking you step by step through the process of understanding what happened and deciding what to do next. This book is like a daily 'house call' from your own personal relationship expert. It is a 'must read' for anyone trying to recover from the trauma of an affair and make good decisions about the future."--Peggy Vaughan, DearPeggy.com, author of The Monogamy Myth

"Far too many self-help guides patronize the reader, bypassing complexity to offer unrealistic freeways of certainty. This excellent book is a notable exception. Written with clarity, the book treats readers as mature adults. With a wealth of clinical experience, these authors clearly know what they are talking about--they understand the complexity of feelings that need to be addressed to get past an affair, and convey that understanding in accessible language. I am sure this book will be of value to both clients and professionals for many years to come."--Barry Mason, DSysPsych, Institute of Family Therapy, London, UK

About the Author

Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, is Professor of Psychology and Director of Clinical Training at Texas A&M University. He received the American Psychological Association’s award for Distinguished Contributions to Family Psychology for his research on marital satisfaction and therapy. He lives in College Station, Texas, where he also has a private practice.

Donald H. Baucom, PhD, is Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. His research, funded in part by the National Institutes of Health, focuses on couples and marriage. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, and was ranked as one of the top marital therapists and researchers in the United States by Good Housekeeping’s national survey of mental health professionals.

Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Tennessee. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple therapy. In addition to her academic work, she lives and maintains a private practice in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Product Details

• Paperback: 342 pages
• Publisher: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (January 6, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 157230801X
• ISBN-13: 978-1572308015
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #11,724 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #10 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Relationships > Divorce

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

46 of 49 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Help is here!, June 12, 2007

By 

suebee "suebee" (Mississippi) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart (Paperback)

I highly recommend this book for anyone trying to live through infidelity. I have read several books and this one had so much helpful information. It was written in a way that didn't attack the participating party or the injured party but gave good information for all parties involved. Unfortunately my spouse chose not to read the book with me but reading it really helped me to understand and validate what I was going through. If you are faced with the heartbreak of infidelty this is a must read book. If you don't read anything else, read this.

35 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best Book to date, May 20, 2009

By 

Michael T. Clifford (Everett WA) - See all my reviews
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Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart (Paperback)

I am a marriage and family therapist who only works with couples. Many of these couples come with either a current or past affair as a problem. Until this book came out, I recommended Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. While that is an excellent book, this book is even better. The chapters are crystal clear and specific. Each person is assigned a task in the healing. General principles are stated as frameworks so that each person has a mindset to go by. I will be recommending this book to all couples who come with this problem.
Michael T. Clifford LMFT Everett WA Certified Gottman therapist, Certified Emotion Focused Therapist

22 of 23 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent resource for individuals and couples, January 9, 2008

By 

Kiki "Kiki" (Chicago, IL USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart (Paperback)

This is a great book for both partners in the damaged marriage. It uses non-offensive terms to refer to each of the involved parties. It provides very good strategies and examples for coping with the initial stages after the affair is discovered, as well as for working on repairing the marital relationship. It is particularly helpful with suggesting ways for each individual as well as the couple to reflect on why the affair occurred, to deal with emotional reactions, and to communicate with each other going forward. I have read several books, and this is one of the top two or three.